ＧＣＳＥのテストの中に、エッセイを書くという課題がございます。 ・・・・４本。
１）フィクション
２）ノン フィクション
３）シェイクスピア作品についての論文
４）近代英文学についての論文
どれも、６００字から８００字（と言っても、字じゃないや・・・wordだ） の短いものでよいのですが、こいつらにはホント苦労させられました・・・。
ちょっとここで、その中のひとつを公開！ 英語勉強しているヒト、好きなヒト、っていうか英語なんて朝飯前のヒト・・・読んでみてくださいまし。
ワタクシの酒屋経営時代のある日の出来事を、お手紙風に書いてみました。
Dear ＸＸＸ
Hello. How are you? I am doing fine, or should I say I am having an interesting period of my life here in England? I am writing this letter to you here in my shop – my off-licence. But a couple of hours ago I really wanted to call you. Something happened that I needed to talk about.
Do you remember that I told you how nervous I was two years ago when my husband and I started running this shop? I was so tensed up just being here and couldn’t understand the customers’ dialect, couldn’t say a word even when I saw a teenager steal a drink right in front of me! I had very soft, smooth and sensitive hands – just like a baby’s. But my baby hands became tough, with some blisters like a fisherman’s hands – or let’s say they were experienced hands. Now I can lift two cases of beer and as a reward I have strong muscles, like Madonna, without going to a gym. And people from this small seaside town have welcomed me a lot. It is interesting for me that a person called Peter is not just Peter, he’s Peter the bike shop, there’s Tom the Sandwich man and Rob from the pub and many others. It’s almost impossible for me just to go to the bank without someone calling, “Hi Yuka!” Sometimes I feel like I live in the `Postman Pat’ world.
So this afternoon I was at the shop and it was quiet before the evening rush. I was listening to the Japanese pop CD you sent me when two men came in. One was very tall with a shaved head, he had worn out blue jeans and a big puffed up jacket. The other one was quite small, about my height, and had a very round face – in contrast to his neatly shaved head he had an untidy five o’clock shadow. As `Yuka the Off-licence lady’ I instantly knew they were outsiders. They looked like the pair from `Twins’ – Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito.
“Hello love, are you listening to your Chinese songs?” said Danny Devito as he leaned on the counter.
“No! Say nihao, idiot!” Shwarzenegger barked as he looked around the shop. I knew nihao was Chinese for hello, “Hello.” I said, “I understand nihao but actually I’m Japanese.” I tried to be nice so I smiled at them. But I had an ominous feeling. It wasn’t what they said but I felt something stuck in my teeth – something was wrong about them.
“Oh, you’re Japanese. Oh, so it’s pointless to introduce myself, probably you won’t understand what I’m saying.” The small one giggled.
I just wanted to say, `Why do I want to understand your English?’ but I swallowed the thought and said instead, “I think I understand enough.”
I must have had my smiley shop face on but it became frozen in the next few seconds. While the small one was chatting the tall one was putting cans of beer in his puffed up jacket! My heartbeat raised its tempo and my feet started to sweat. What should I do? Just ignore them and give them free cans of beer? Press the panic button to scare them?
The tall one came to the counter with two cans of beer in his hands and banged £20 on the counter. I put his two cans of beer aside and grabbed the money, “And the ones in your jacket.” I said in what I hoped was a steely voice. Just seconds earlier so many thoughts were running through my head, like a broken merry-go round, but Machiko believe me or not, I must have a steady nerve.
“What?! What jacket?! Are you calling me a thief?!” the tall one shouted and leaned at me over the counter. He must be nearly 2 metres tall, I felt like I was a hobbit. But still it’s MY shop! This tall, bald man didn’t have muscles under his puffed up jacket – who was he to steal MY beer? My cauldron became hotter and hotter with every word he said.
“I can press this button to call the police. I saw you putting cans in your jacket, and look at you! You’re like a marshmallow man with your cans of beer muscles. Put all of them on the counter now. I’ll give you change from this.” I held up his twenty pound note. I really didn’t know I could speak English this fast.
“You f****** bitch! Give me my money! I can smash the shop and beat you up…” he shouted. His face was red and full of nasty ugliness. He used more swear words and was racist but I tuned out. The little guy interrupted him,
“Hey lady. Just give him money and beer. He’ s having a bad day. He needs beer that’s all.”
“Pardon? Having a bad day? Now I’m the one having a bad day! Just take off your jacket and give me back all the beer! If you wish to smash up my shop do it properly and I can claim the insurance money and finally have a paid holiday!” I shouted. Can you believe it? Me? I was the furious shop keeper.
“Yo! Lady. You’re so cool. Sorry, here’s your beer.” The tall one finally backed away and took two cans of beer from his jacket and put them on the counter.
“You should know by now that I’m not stupid.” I answered him, “Take off your jacket!” I raised my voice. And, unbelievably, he removed eight more cans of beer from it. I put all of them behind the counter, “Just get out of my shop!”
“No, I really…I really wanna buy them and I’ll pay.” The tall one said with his twisted smile. I didn’t smile back but I gave him a bag for the beer and even gave him the correct change. “Cheers.” He said as they left the shop.
Afterwards I had to close the shop for a little while. I knew that it was adrenaline rushing through my body but I couldn’t stop shaking and my body was telling me that it was fear. I was laughing and crying at the same time. Until finally as my adrenaline left, the powerful shop-keeper turned back into the girl you know.
I will call you soon, but don’t worry I won’t shout at you.
Best wishes,
ここまで、読んで下さり、ありがとうございます(*v*)
そして、い今更ながらにワタシの英語のミスを見つけてしまったヒト・・・もう遅いです・・・。提出済みです・・・。
