If the worst happens and I survive it, am I invincible now?
You know, I just wanted to be there for you as much as I could, and as much as you’re willing to accept. I know it can be heavy at times, and I’m sorry if in the end everything feels more like a burden. Maybe writing this out adds weight, or maybe it’s just a difference in perception, and it doesn't feel like much at all. But I wanted to be there. By your side, even in silence. I don’t expect anything in return, and I want you to remember that.
Love never seems to be truly unconditional, doesn’t it? I myself doubt it as well, frankly speaking. Maybe it would bring you more closure, or familiarity, if I say that this is indeed as unconditional as it can be, as it is what I couldn’t offer myself when I most needed it. Yet it doesn’t mean you’re just a fleeting receiver of it that happened to enter my life at the right time, right place. You are not just “someone” to fill the void, though at odd points of trying to come off as unfazed by my own weakness I tell you I just wanted to hug someone, to love someone. But you are not just someone. You mean a lot to me.
Solitude isn’t comfortable a lot of times, though as much as that is merely human nature, it is predictable, safe. To know that I will not be hurt again if I do not seek. Is it the best resort? Not really. The hard truth eventually catches up and screws you over. Still, I know where I stand in this. I know what needs to be laid bare, and what needs to be left unspoken, undefined. I’m sure you’re familiar with that feeling of anticipation of the worst, and I guess it’s kind of like that.
The worst has happened, and I am well and alive.
I may be completely mistaken, but it felt like a green light to quietly show this affection again. Only if you're willing to accept it, however much or little you want. That’s all.
I don’t need an answer, I just wanted you to know.