panic at the disco. I actually have never heard of their songs before (???)
you wake up at 6am to a 「まってて！」and you decide your day will be good. and then you binge. you binge? and you exercise? and then you have your panic spike (once again) during the fucking music lesson? and then you try to skip the nomikai.
your doe eyes speak their melancholy more than their joy. I thought I saw you at school today, maybe I was mistaken. Is this the price I pay for loving you?
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the amount testosterone in this place is unholy, who knows such a music (theory? culture?) lesson could attract such intense numbers of men. Tell me why. And also tell me if for fuck's sake if it has anything to do with my anxiety.
Or maybe it's nakagawa? the nomikai? the presentation? my insane abhorrence of staying up late outside? eating late at night? God knows. No one can bend the (subconscious) rules I implement on my existence. Other than you. You know who you are. My whole existence seems to bend it's rules around you. Both consciously and subconsciously.
I love you, I think. I don't know what that means though.
I have had 1500 calories. A beautiful number isn't it? Maybe that's why I don't want to go for the nomikai. Maybe. Life isn't the best if you always start off your day with a 1000 calorie binge. Fair enough it is better than the 2000 calories binge I had yesterday but still, not my proudest moment. Maybe tomorrow will be better? Is it ok to have just a little bit of hope regarding that? No? Give me a break. Where do I go tomorrow even.
Also to reply to you in a slightly more overwhelming way, not just that >u< stamp I put after pulling myself together. I will wait for you, for as long as you allow me to be here.