19

Feuer desu.

Sorry I haven't been updating lately. I was too busy preparing for my comeback. Well... let's sing a sad song:

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday to me

Remember, when singing this song, change all the key into minor key. You'll get a somewhat creepy song.

Feuer deshita.

All I need is Caffeine

Feuer desu.

I'm being stupid and barely had any sleep in this past few days. I guess it has started to take its toll on me. I became more and more irrational everyday, and became more emotional. "So unlike me," or so I said.
I think my coffee-frenzy was the main reason behind this. Yeah. I barely need any sleep right now. All I need is more coffee. Especially the vanilla latte. I just want to know how long I can last. I know that's stupid, but I want to know my limit, and break it.

In the coming years, as I struggle with my writing, I'll find myself in this situation. So, more or less I want to prepare myself. Cheh. That's just an excuse for my own idiocity.

Feuer deshita.

KAMIKAZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feuer desu.

I REALLY DID A KAMIKAZE ATTACK. WOOHOOOOO!!!!! FEUER IS THE MASTER OF JACKASS!!!!!!!!!!

Output chance: 50% die, 25% live, 25% live happily ever after.

This is the pure chance... judging by the number of options so on and so forth. But, in reality, my chance of living happily ever after is just 1%.... and there's a 85% chance that I WILL DIE (not quite literally... though, but yeah... that surely means GAME OVER)...

Definitely not a good deal for me, but..... no matter what the outcome will be, I will survive. I have the mental of cockroach, so... even though people smack me with shoes, even though people spray pesticide to me, I'll keep on living. I'm strong, and I will definitely be stronger.

Feuer deshita.

The End is Approaching

Feuer desu.

I can feel it. The end is approaching. Seems like this time, our main character couldn't make it. Yep. It seems like I had failed. I'm sorry. I'm just not good enough. I really am oblivious. I think this makes an unexpected twist to my story.

Now that I've faced it, and played back my memories here like watching some movies, I just wanted to laugh my ass out (LMAO). Intended or not, my life has become somewhat like a drama. And, since I'm hopeless in Love and Relationship Department, there was barely any romance in this season. However, I've found my friends. I've decided what I wanted to do in this life, and make a major decision to chase after my dreams.

A friend told me that if I make my life into a storybook, it's going to be popular. Well... I may be doing that in the future, seeing that my life is really interesting. As the main character, and also as the observer of my very own life, I think I'm capable of doing that *laughs*

I can see it... the new season my "my life" serie. Even though it's still faint, but I think I can grasp a thing or two about what will happen in the future. I know that it will involve a lot of pain and struggle, since I've chosen the hard path. But, the nice part is... no matter how sucks my life will be, no matter how many times I'll fall, no matter how many times I'll be hurt.... if I can keep on walking... I know that I will find my own way. And, to be able to make it this far, I think I should be proud of myself.

Thank you for making my life more colourful.


Feuer deshita.

Living is Really Easy with Eyes Closed

Feuer desu.

For a long time, I've been searching for something in a very far-off place. I stumbled and fell, and got hurt, while trying to reach out to it again. But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it.

"Why?" I asked myself. "Why can't I seem to find it?"
Eventually I gave up, and I denied that it even existed in the first place.

Now I realize, that the thing that I tried to find so desperately has been with me all this time. I'm too focused on searching on places that I couldn't reach, that my eyes couldn't seem to see that it was right there, beside me, always with me.

And now... I'm the verge of losing it. I didn't take it while I could, and of course it won't stay there waiting for me for an eternity. Everything changes, and so does it.

Am I too late?
I found myself holding, no... gripping my hands on the very last thread connecting me to it. I found myself hoping for a last miracle.

Sorry for not realizing it all this time......... I'm truly sorry


Feuer deshita.

Last Miracle

Feuer desu.

At first, Mom said she was going to "abduct" me tomorrow, and it's making me extremely 0_0... but then, she said she would have things to do tomorrow so she would be going here on Sunday instead.

Usually, I don't believe in miracles, but somehow... this time I really hope that there will be a last miracle. I'm running out of time, and I know that if I use only my own strength, I will never make it. Let's just hope things run smoothly.

Watching my life from the observer perspective, and imagining as a TV serie or something like that, the season is coming to an end. However, like most good-rating TV series, right before the end, comes an ultimate conflict, which actually had been built up since the beginning of the season. Whether the characters can make it depends on the script.

Sadly... in this TV drama (because my life really looks like one), I'm the main character, and The Director didn't tell me what to do. SO, maybe I'm gonna improvise, and be a little OOC (out-of-character), but... I really need to settle things once and for all. I've lost a lot in my life, and I don't want to lose this one: RED.

Wish me luck


Feuer deshita.

Feels Like Stepping on a Poo

Feuer desu.

I spent this morning fighting my stomachache.... I bet it was due to my horrible eating and sleeping habit. I think my life is becoming more and more like a Mangaka's *laughs*. Well... last night I couldn't sleep at all due to an annoying migraine (and I didn't know where it came from... which made it even more annoying), and me being stubborn, still reading an old research (some old theories from Zecharia Sitchin... sometimes I wonder if humans really had been fool all this time...).

One of my points is that I can be so focused on things that I want to do. Some people said that everytime I'm "lost in my own world", not even earthquake will make me flinch (of course there are a lot of exaggerations here...). Well.. I do think that giving my all for things that I like and I want to do is something good, since I'll produce a maximum output also....

However, good things are always accompanied with bad effects. Just like me. At times, I'm so focused on my own stuffs that I pay a little (or sometimes, no) attention to my surroundings. The effect is like, when you walk on the street with your mind occupied and... suddenly you stepped on a poo. It must be... ewww... but you've already stepped on it, and there's no way you can undo your walk and pay attention to your surrounding next time. You have to GET RID OF THE POO FIRST.

... and that's what happened to me. I'm too occupied with my own stuffs that I didn't realize a major thing.... which was very obvious. Damn. Now I don't know what to do. I think I've hurt someone... again, because of my ignorance...

Ain't I a horrible person?


Feuer deshita.

Back, Back, Back

Feuer desu.

Yo... I'm back from my all-day travel. Hah.. how I "miss" sunshine...

Today was cloudy so I was safe from the glaring sun (my hikikomori habit is slowly getting its effects on me). I finished some of my tasks today, but I'm still far from finished. There are still a lot of things to do tomorrow. I hope I can make it before the end of this month.

Anyway, I found a voodoo doll shop 0_0, and decided to have a look. As I approached, the shopkeeper greeted me:
Shopkeeper: Hello, there? Do you need any help? Do you need luck charm? Love charm?
Me: No. (those two departments are out of my control *laughs*)
Shopkeeper: You just want to look around, then
Me: .... *while looking at the dolls*
Me: Do you have the one for vengeance?
Shopkeeper: *blinks* Vengeance?
Me: Yup. For destroying enemies, or something like that...
Shopkeeper: Finally.......
Me: (huh?)
Shopkeeper: Finally someone really come to have a vengeance doll!!! Come, come, I'll show you some!!!
Me: (I knew it.... the shopkeeper's a weirdo)

Then for the next few minutes, the shopkeeper explained about the purpose and meaning of EACH DOLL. I just stayed silent, when getting all excited inside. Whoa whoa, this is cool!!!! In the end I bought two dolls: one for me, one for Red. And both are vengeance dolls. We need no love nor luck.

And that's it for today.

Feuer deshita.

SILLY GOD DISCO English Translation

Feuer desu.

I'm trying to be smart here, and make use of my mediocre English skill. For your information, most of this lyric (Silly God Disco) is written is Engrish (notice the difference here), and now I'm attempting to translate the song into ENGLISH (also, notice the difference here).

Here we go:

It is cheesed with power and morality of which it goes mad
わからないよ...これ... I guess it's supposed to mean it's (I don't even know what "it" refers to) cheesed (decorated, somewhat like a chocolate topping on your cake) with power and morality, so it goes mad.
a lot of people became dogs having tied to the chain
the line is quite okay here, but to make it better, I think the order should be reversed so it'll become "having tied to the chain, a lot of people become dogs". Well.. I'm not a grammar master so I'm not quite sure...
Your happy there?
Ah, this is a piece of cake. It's supposed to be "are you happy there?"

I want to be enjoying the life though it will knock against the high wall hereafter
I can simplify it into "I want to enjoy life though it will knock against the high wall (dunno what Ruki means by "high wall") hereafter.
I'm already dead but I was saved by the rock
Eng... I think it means I've died (or at least, I was almost dead), but was saved by rock (again, I don't know what Ruki means by "rock"... eh, OMG, isn't it ROCK MUSIC?)

I swore I at that time
Should be, "I swore at that time"
I will walk life that shines highest
Let's change highest into brightest, put an "a" before life, and change the tense, so it'll become "I would walk a life that shines brightest"
There is no fear. It gets it over though there is a painful day too.
I think it's supposed to mean "there's no fear, I can get over it though there ARE painful DAYS, too"
Now let's go. The wing expands and looks for the freedom and the glory.
This line is okay
The world that extends to the place waits surely for you.
Hmmm... I think it means that the world that extends to the place (of freedom and glory, like Ruki mentioned on the previous line) surely IS WAITING for you.

the rest is on Japanese, and it's not my field hehehe. I'll try to come up with a translation next time.

Feuer deshita.