I need a platform.
I need to blog.

Things are... fine and yet not really. Things are fine, because right now, I'm done with my examinations and I'm as free as a bird during this long break of 2 months till the 16th of October. Things ain't fine because I'm having this PMS shit right now. I get frustrated, listen to songs that are seemingly safe, and the tears come naturally to my face.

I really do not know the hidden reason for this inexplicable.. feeling. Life is not that bad right now. Suitors are at its minimal, studies - I did the best I could and all that I can do now is to wait for the release of results on the 19th, love life? The love of my life just confessed to me earlier this morning. Finances hm, I'm keeping a tight watch on my finances but I'm soon gonna have a little problem financing Her Royal Highness Jolene Lee because of the new braces that I'm gettingsoon.

But if you just take a step back and look at this, my life is... above average. I should be feeling above average happy. So why the hell am I feeling below average depressed?

Honestly speaking, I feel hollow inside. Like an empty walnut. It's a hard nut to crack(unintended pun), and yet when you get your life out just to crack that teeny weeny piece of nut in anticipation for the aromatic glorious golden-brown, brainish looking piece of nut... you found nothing.

This is the kind of shit I am impinging on people. I make them anticipate, being a hard-to-get. The outcome will still be the same - hollow.

Maybe this is why I'm playing my best to be hard-to-get. I want you in the game for as long as possible. I'm trying to make you do your best to obtain me. Although I am actually the one who is crazily infatuated and in love with you, I need to play like "I-don't-give-a-piece-of-fucking-shit" so that you will yearn for more love and attention for me.

Now, in summary, I know why am I feeling so shitty right now. I sorted out my thoughts - everything. As I mentioned before, there isn't any reason in particularfor me to be feeling like shit. But now I understand myself.

"I like to blow things out of proportion, exaggerate every emotions and feelings, and most of all, indulge in misery"

Perhaps this is just what most deemed as "PMS".

Now I wonder how the fuck am I going to salvage myself from all this shit.

Goodnight Jolene.
Not sane.

Will not be going to blog then.
People who are mentally deranged are have biased points of view.
I feel so trashy today.

Deactivated facebook by the way,
"Why do I even bother helping the entire world when no one ever bothered about me?"

I'm so destined to live a lone life.
I was on the verge of breaking down when they passed the phone to me.

I kept worrying about you.. how you'd be, are you sleeping well.. are you ok.

I miss you so much.
How are you doing?

But its just.. the wrong time.
I was packing.
I was having my PMS-mode.
The onion in my eyes,
was so intense,
so, so intense.

I miss you.
I really do.
Please be well. :)