I hate you

Do you always do these things to hurt me?
I hate you so much
I wish I never met you
I wish I never talked to you
I wish a lot of things... maybe this time I'll learn... it's so hard to let go of you but it's so hard to be around you...
One moment you're the person I want to see the most... and all you say is "no you don't" ... how would you know? You don't know what I feel. I hate you so much. Right now I don't want you to ever see me again.
I don't care if I have to pick my things up in a hurry and go away right now... I'm going to do it

ughh

I don't even want an apology.
You always say "I'm sorry"... but I don't want you to keep apologizing. I want to know why you act like that in the first place... is it me? Is something bothering you? Am I annoying? Why can't you just tell me?

When you don't tell me and when you always make fun of me and never take me seriously, it makes me feel as if I'm not even good enough to be your friend...

I got jealous of that "I miss you" you gave to someone else because you barely ever say it to me, instead I get made fun of, and I'm expected to "know" how you feelabout me.

Usually people express those things directly. Why can you say it to other people but not me? I don't want excuses. I don't want you to tell me everyday either, once in a while would be nice. If not, I will never know. I can't assume. What I see isthat yes, you talk to me all the time, but that's it. Maybe I'm just there to talkto and I'm not really close to you.

I want you to be the person I rely on... you already know you can rely on me but what about for me? This is why I get mad, because you're not even putting enough effort to show me the same... the only time I've seen you come close is when you were in a relationship, and that makes me really sad because that means you need one to act like that towards me...

I don't need anything to be like that towards you. All I need is you. Obviously you need more than just me.

-_-

ughhhh I'm so mad right now.
I don't really care who reads this because it's probably only one person, and maybe I regret giving this address out, but whatever.

You can really be an ass sometimes. Like seriously. What the hell is your problem??! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I give you 100% of myself almost all of the time, and it's exhausting because you don't give me anything in return. You can't even give me your full attention when I'm talking to you -_-

I was already mad enough last night when I was called an idiot. Thank you. Thank you so much.

and then you go and take it to ANOTHER level. Telling me to wake you up, and I getup to call you, and you don't pick up. and then later on "oh I was awake I just didn't pick up"

Is that supposed to make me feel any better? Thanks for wasting my time.

And then you get all mad because I couldn't pick up your call during a movie.

I'M SORRY I WAS WATCHING A MOVIE.

I TOLD you I was going last night. What did you want me to do? I THOUGHT TELLING YOU WAS ENOUGH.

Not to mention the fact that I tell you everything. Everything.

YOU are the one I want to trust.
YOU are the one I talk to almost everyday.
YOU are the one I respect so damn much.

And yet time and time again you have to go and do things like this. What do you really want from me? Are you getting annoyed with me? There are a whole bunch ofissues but you never want to listen to me, and you think everything's a joke.

Why do you act like you're embarrassed of me sometimes? If you go places with other people it's alright to declare it on FB and whatnot, yet when it's with me it's all hush hush.

OK. If you are, then you are. Maybe I shouldn't go anywhere with you, because I don't want to be an "interference" and "intrude" on your life. I'm sorry I ever tried in the first place.

Second of all, I know you're not telling me something that's bothering you. I can see it all the time, yet you choose to hide it... ok. Fine, do what you want.

Maybe, I should give you a break. Temporary or permanent. Because I can't deal with you acting like this, and I don't get it.

Are you afraid of me getting too close to you? Because right now you're pushing me away.

You tell me that we're not as close as before.... AND I AM TRYING. I'M TRYING SOHARD TO BE CLOSE TO YOU. That DOESN'T MEAN I WANT YOU TO BE MY BF. I DID NOT SAYTHIS. I want to be your friend. I've said this over and over and over. Why do you act like you want me to be a close friend yet you push me away?

I'm gonna go crazy at this rate because everytime I try to ask or tell you, you brush it aside or tell a joke. This isn't a joke. Why won't you listen to me?