Sorry...? No.

I'm not about to apologize even though I've done nothing wrong.

In the past, I always used to think... "just give in, and everything will go back to normal."

But every time you do that, you are admitting you're wrong. It's not about who winsor loses... every time you do that, in some sense you are chipping off a bit of your self-esteem. You assume that you are always wrong, and that you can make it better by apologizing.

In the past few days I've been faced with situations where I've been really angry and confronted people. In the end, I see that these people don't really care aboutthe wrongs they've committed and they can go on living like that. I'm not about tolet it go that easily this time.

I am not wrong. I am not apologizing. I don't regret what I've done.

So those people need to sort out their priorities and sift through the mess, because I'm not crawling back defeated.

2011

And another year goes by...

As I sat during the finally minutes of 2010, I didn't even have the same feeling I always had. That moment where you let go, where you remember all the things you can possibly remember about the year, the bad times, the good times.

This time, I didn't want to remember. I just wanted to go forward. And I still feel the same.

2010.

There was a lot of happiness. Sometimes so happy that I cried. I felt as if I was in a dream.

And then there were moments when it all came crashing down. It was so painful that I cried again. And again. And more, until I could cry no more.

From all the things that have happened to me this year, I understood the meaning of being human. Before I used to hide my feelings, and try to take on things myself.... but this world has others in it for a reason. Trust yourself. Trust your friends. That's what I've learned the most.

And now I look forward into the unknown, the future, and I don't know what will happen next. But that's ok.

Let's make it as we go

What I Know Now

Hm... right now, I think I am beginning to feel a lot better.

And the feelings I have, are not bitter, and I'm not jealous.

But this is what I actually feel right now.

All this time, all along, I loved you. I didn't want to give up because I thought I had a chance.

For over 365+ days of my life, blindly, I kept on loving you. With almost nothing in return... nothing worthy of being called love...

It was my mistake.

And now I'm going to get over it. You are happy.

But you know what? You didn't even have the courtesy of giving me time, when I was down, and as slow as it was, I had to get up myself. I didn't think you would ever be like that in a million years... and now I feel so stupid, so used, so abandoned...

It was as if, I offered you my heart, and that person offered you theirs, and you took mine and dropped it, and ran towards that person's and held it.

You didn't have to hold mine, either. That's not what I was asking for... but you could have acted differently, you could have returned it to me in one piece.

For the longest time, I watched you do as you please, ignoring me sometimes, not thinking once before you told me that you missed me or you loved me. You didn't think about how I felt before you said those things, how much it hurt me, how many times I really missed you and needed you. You didn't care at all.

Now, I'm throwing out all those feelings. I'm sorry I ever spent myself like that on you.... you're a good person, but you didn't deserve all those feelings. I should have saved them for someone who could have actually returned them to me.

That was my only mistake.

One day I'll find someone who will give me something like that, and I'll be able to return it back.

Without thinking about you.