*

I hope that you're reading this right now, because I want to call you..
but I'm scared.

You haven't talked to me since the day before.. do you need a break? Was it because I was crying last time, asking you something so personal...

I wanted to know, because in your eyes I can see you still didn't let it go... I can read you more than you know.

And I cried because I know there are certain things you don't tell me... you know,it takes a lot of patience being around you sometimes... it feels like I always put you first but you're not doing the same for me. Sometimes you notice this...

If you notice this, why don't you change? Is it because that's how you'd treat your dream girl...?

If you can't be selfless and put your own things aside why should I keep doing it... please tell me why

I miss you but it seems like you're just fine

the truth

when we were together earlier, I felt more relaxed than usual.

To tell you the truth, sometimes I feel tense, because I don't feel good enough to be around you...

But today that was different, and maybe I've stopped worrying so much. If I can hug you as freely as I did today, I'll be happy. I don't need anything else.

Sometimes when I feel sad at the prospect of you finding someone and me being alone, I eat gummy bears. And I look at the moon. Because somewhere under that same moon maybe there's someone I'll love just as much.


But the truth is... most of the time, I still wanna be with you...
I'm so jealous of anyone that got to call you their bf in the past... so jealous. It's a jealousy that I have to keep in check because it's taken over me before and I was miserable.

I want to be with you.

I hope one day you can see this and know how I feel. I know it's never been important to you because you don't see me like that, and you're constantly thinking about others.

I wanted to be with you.

I think in the past it was much worse. Let's say a year ago. Now I just enjoy being around you.

I guess in the end it's ironic how I told you I wouldn't settle for less and I did...

I like you so much.

I think in the end, moving will be the best decision for me. Please don't try to stop me unless you can return these feelings... I don't think I'll ever stop liking you until I die. Sometimes I feel like I knew you in some other life and by some act of cruel fate I met you again in a position where you could never return these feelings.

LLx1

I don't think anyone really comes here anymore... so I don't feel hesitant to write this.

Right now, it's 3:43 AM and as usual, I'm thinking of the same thing...

It's been 2 and a half years since I met you. There have been many rough times but it finally seems like you understand why I always used to get mad...

All the "I hate you"s and all those times I kept you up talking... all in an attempt just to hear your voice a little longer.

You don't know how much that voice means to me.

You're like a prince that came around and saved me.

That might sound corny, or there might be some people that say I'm not allowed to say those kinds of things because I'm not in the right sex to say it... but trust me, there are many times I thought "what if I was that kind of person... what if I was born like that?"

If I was, I wouldn't have to struggle, maybe I'd have more of a chance with you...
Every time we go out, and I'm clinging on to you, it's because I want to do more. I don't want to scare you with these true feelings... but I always want you to reach out and hold my hand. Sometimes I wish it so much to be like that... so I can hold it, even for just a minute, and lean on your shoulder and tell you how much I love you. But all I can really do is tell you that I love you over the phone... and I can only playfully poke you... that's the closest I'll ever get. I really appreciate that you let me poke your cheeks... because I really think you're the most handsome person and you're right, my world has grown a lot smaller when you entered it because I don't really see anyone else out there for me.

But I have to think about you. Even if you did feel the same way, which you don't, what about your friends and family... I have to think about those aspects. So I tell myself not to ask for anything. If I never end up finding someone I'll be happy because the world gave me hope when I met at least one person who I could love truthfully and with all my heart and more.

I really really like you and there's something that tells me I was waiting for you to arrive.

But you know what? I like how I am now. Maybe this way I can never be with you, but maybe the purpose of my life against yours is to watch you be happy and create happiness for myself as well... all I know is that I was meant to meet you.

And maybe this is a one-way love like you always tell me... I always refuse to believe this because I want to believe you care about me in some way, but maybe you're right. When you met me, you didn't ask for all this, I brought it upon you. If I'm a burden I'm sorry.