Yesterday, I went to visit an orthopaedic surgeon.
I didn't really tell anybody because I don't want to appear weak... and always riddled with problems. It seems as if lately, this and that have been wrong with me... just constant problems. I want to appear normal and healthy.
The first problem has cleared up, but now a second one has appeared, that's possibly more scary than the first.
My spine is not straight, but we don't know how long it's been like that. Considering my age, the doctor said "you stopped growing about 3-4 years ago... this condition usually appears in people who are about 11 or 12 years old, in adults it's rare because you're not growing anymore." He asked my mom, "did you not notice this? How didn't you?" and it made me feel bad... it's all my fault... because I never say anything.
About a year ago I remember being home from school in really bad pain everytime I moved... and I told myself "don't tell anyone about it, you probably just didn't get enough sleep or rest".
But now I see what was happening, and I regret not saying anything.
So now comes the scary part.
He said that the only way it could have happened now is if there was some phenomenon to cause it... or if I have a neurological problem. A disease of the brain. Maybe a tumour, or a disease related to my spine, or many other things related to the brain. Maybe even the scariest of all... a degenerative disease, meaning something that's slowly happening without my notice. So I'm going to do an MRI scan, where you get pulled into one of those machines that look like a long tunnel. I'm scared but I'll do it.
He said that's the first step. If there's nothing wrong with me neurologically, then he said it's an easy thing to fix, either to correct my spine with surgery or other means. But the thing is, he said that if it's not taken care of in a certain time, it can become difficult for me to walk... for me to do the things that many take for granted. I don't want to think about that. I don't want to rely on anyone for help. And I definitely don't want anyone to know about this right now. But I had to record what my thoughts are at this moment so I remember later on. Lately my state of mind has been really foggy. Actually, it's been like this for a while. The fact that I have been losing my balance more easily and found it a little harder to walk scares me too... maybe that's why I can't catch up easily when people walk too fast.
For now all I can do is wait. And I'll try to make every day something to look forward to, as I should have done a long time ago.
I didn't really tell anybody because I don't want to appear weak... and always riddled with problems. It seems as if lately, this and that have been wrong with me... just constant problems. I want to appear normal and healthy.
The first problem has cleared up, but now a second one has appeared, that's possibly more scary than the first.
My spine is not straight, but we don't know how long it's been like that. Considering my age, the doctor said "you stopped growing about 3-4 years ago... this condition usually appears in people who are about 11 or 12 years old, in adults it's rare because you're not growing anymore." He asked my mom, "did you not notice this? How didn't you?" and it made me feel bad... it's all my fault... because I never say anything.
About a year ago I remember being home from school in really bad pain everytime I moved... and I told myself "don't tell anyone about it, you probably just didn't get enough sleep or rest".
But now I see what was happening, and I regret not saying anything.
So now comes the scary part.
He said that the only way it could have happened now is if there was some phenomenon to cause it... or if I have a neurological problem. A disease of the brain. Maybe a tumour, or a disease related to my spine, or many other things related to the brain. Maybe even the scariest of all... a degenerative disease, meaning something that's slowly happening without my notice. So I'm going to do an MRI scan, where you get pulled into one of those machines that look like a long tunnel. I'm scared but I'll do it.
He said that's the first step. If there's nothing wrong with me neurologically, then he said it's an easy thing to fix, either to correct my spine with surgery or other means. But the thing is, he said that if it's not taken care of in a certain time, it can become difficult for me to walk... for me to do the things that many take for granted. I don't want to think about that. I don't want to rely on anyone for help. And I definitely don't want anyone to know about this right now. But I had to record what my thoughts are at this moment so I remember later on. Lately my state of mind has been really foggy. Actually, it's been like this for a while. The fact that I have been losing my balance more easily and found it a little harder to walk scares me too... maybe that's why I can't catch up easily when people walk too fast.
For now all I can do is wait. And I'll try to make every day something to look forward to, as I should have done a long time ago.