Landscape

This day really brought things into perspective for me. It's been quite a while since I found myself wandering a world of mirages and today it felt like I finally acknowledged this. It feels strange. And even though I'm really looking forward to this summer, it might be void of anything to look forward to. The thing I really want is freedom, the freedom to explore and see other things. Everyday life just seems so mundane and at times boring to carry out, day in and day out. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be able to sit still long enough to enjoy life, because it seems that I always have regrets about the past.

Sometimes, though this might sound ridiculous and even mind-boggling, I feel broken. Not that I've seen or experienced anything traumatizing, but I guess different is what you'd call me. Everyone lives their lives not seeing certain things, passing them by, and I am so preoccupied thinking about these things everyday, it's something that lets me sit back and really think about things. If I was given the opportunity to not speak for a time period and just sit in silence thinking, I would do it... I find pleasure in these things because they are simple. For some people simple may seem to be too plain, but simplicity carries all the elegance of everything else, you just have to find its beauty.

過去はどこかにしまっておけ
ここからそう遠くないだろう
観たこともない景色

Keep the past somewhere
It will not be that far away from here
The scenery that I have never seen

- Utada Hikaru, "SAKURA Drops"

たんじょうびおめでとう、ミキさん。　You've grown up before my eyes.

Transition

Another day has passed by, falling into a collection of memories. I woke up this morning trying best to be myself, and that's how I'll end my day. I did the best I could and I will continue to do so. I got strength from the people around me and I hope to give in back in one form or another. One day, I'll make you proud.

がんばって、みんな。 We're almost there.

Counting down

It's a matter of time before school draws to an end, until then I'm running through the storm that is otherwise known as end-of-year projects and tests. There's one particular test that I am dreading, but I know I need to do my best. This past weekend has been an experience, although I've done nothing exciting (which is what my usual weekend consists of, boredom as far as the eye can see, and maybe a little sleep), I managed to finish a huge project that otherwise would have consumed my whole Monday evening. I'm glad I sat down and did it, it feels good to accomplish things like this, hm?

The overwhelming feeling that seemed to be lingering over me for the past 2 weeks has managed to disappear. I really can't identify what it was or what caused it, but I guess it's something in life that I'll eventually have to face again. Reading my previous entries brings up a hint of embarrassment because there are some things that are a bit dramatic, but I know when writing them I really meant what I said. It's changing moods I guess, one day you feel the same way as before and the next day it's like you are a completely new person. I've managed to contain the grey feelings and I've seen better skies ahead, a little rain never hurt anyone anyways.

もしもふたり話してた様な
運命があるなら
どこかでまた出会えるから...

It's ok so I agreed
Because if it's fate like we said
then we can meet again somewhere.

- Ayumi Hamasaki, "monochrome"