This week has ended, and although positive feelings were surfacing at the end of the tasks, it was all a play, all a facade.
To get through everyday, I have to put up a fake face and a wall of protection. If I've done something good, I don't take credit for it. If I see something that might be of help to another person, I don't say anything. Sometimes, these actions make me feel like I am falling back in the great race that is life. Everyone seems to play it very well, but then there are certain behaviours that I display that make me seem dumb founded or slow, when I am very well aware of what is going on. Maybe it's too late to change the way I am looked at, but I hope it's in a positive light. I don't want to get in the way. I don't want to hurt anyone. In fact, I don't even know what I really want. I sit here seemingly typing out this list of complaints to extract these negative feelings, when in fact it might not do any good at all.
The best thing to describe this feeling; I feel stupid all of the time. I don't really know if I can hold up this face any longer, one day I am stronger than others, and I don't even know why I am feeling this way. It just feels like I am lying to everyone indirectly, and I can't stand that. I just want to be there for people.