11.1 Mon.

Yes. November now. Time flies so fast isn't it?

I did't go to a seminar held by UFJ today because I was so feeling alone all day long. When I am in that mood, no one actually can help me out. Plus, my dad has been so annoying since he retired this Spring, so he is a trouble, a big one to me.


Even though, I talked to Mariko who survived the life in Canada with me. She had arrived there earlier than me, so she told me everything about the school and how to enjoy being in Kamloops.
I really like her as a person. She is funny, helpful, and she reminds me of my sister. I was totally upset today but during we were talking on the phone it was just like an amazing, precious time for me. I could feel my heart getting warmer. I really am grateful to have such a friend. She will be my friend forever.


Anyways, I have a goal for my relationship with my dad. That is to be nice to him all the time.

He is now 60 years old. He is old enough to have a grandchild, right? But me, I still hate him as a high-school kid does. I know it is so ridiculous. I don't know. There is no way to talk to him naturally anymore. Maybe the trigger was when he called me as YOU, お前 in Japanese, which he had never done to me before. There are some words to describe 'you' in Japanese, the Omae is a violent word for me. He used it to me for the first time and it was only 2 weeks ago.



I was so shocked.

It is nothing special for some family. 'Omae' is used between two people who are in a rough relationship. So it could sound rude sometimes but it could be a good word to shorten the distance between you and someone else you like. It is a difficult word.


So, I'm looking for something that I can forgive my dad for calling me 'you' in a rude mood.

I'm not ready to forgive him yet but I also know he is not young anymore, so there is another me saying as I should be an adult. He could die anytime soon, right? It would be too late to thank him as a good father when he died by a car accident or something.



The name of a song in the title is one of my best favorite song.

I like it as a sentence and the band is fucking amazing! Steve Perry is the best! FOREVER!
Unfortunately, I was not born in that era, so I don't know much about them.

Here is my story.

When I was in Canada, we were happened to go to a band trip with school bands people. The departure was to Ohaio in the U.S. A jazz festival was going to be held there and a lot of famous musicians were heading for the stadium. I was really excited. Those amazing people were amazing obviously but there is something else I remember so well.


There is a competition ? or just a concert held by only high-school students. There were the same age with us but they were the side of singing and we were the side of listening to. It was kind of mortifying. I was like,,'I can sing too! Let me go up there! Let me sing!'. How childish,eh?

Soon, I was realized that I was not that good at singing,,,,,compared with that Chinese little girl singing 'Don't Stop Believing' by Journey in front of like 1000 or more people in that place! Everyone was standing, clapping their hands like forever? The standing ovation has been the most perfect one in my entire life and it will be forever. The ranking will not gonna change in me.

SO! What I really wanna say is that the feeling I was feeling at the moment has to be remembered in myself and I should keep this song as my life encouraging song to keep up for my future. Every time I sing it or remember being there feeling my soul touched by her voice makes me myself back to then and eagerness wells up in me so quickly. Isn't it amazing? I just go sing this song when I wanna be challenge something!




Sorry, I have more I wanna tell you about Journey, and you can tell how much I love them from this long diary I have been writing.

BUT!
It's time to go to bed.
Tomorrow is just another day. Good night. Sweet dreams.
10.30 Sat.

I made a big mistake today.

I was working at the Starbucks, and I wanted to exchange a coffee server with an another. I was like,,,'Oh My God, there is no place to put this, its so messy!', so I put one on a small tiny space while removing the other one. Then! It happened. The thing dropped. My body did not touch it at all. It just fell by itself. It was so quick. The stick made of glass was broken by the shock. So, one of three of them was unusable from that moment. I apologize to customers and partners for making inconvenience situations. It will cost $200 dollars approximately to fix it and 2 days or so. I do not have to pay for that though.


I really think that I should have been visiting OGs and OBs for job interviews to hear about their companies, what they do there, what they do not like about their jobs and stuff. Some of my friends have started already.

Yesterday, I went to a seminar of dentsu., and I realized that people working there are active, good at presentations and tall. I have none of these. Do you want to change yourself to get into a company you adore to get in? I used to want to. However, though reading books, hearing elderly people, and thinking over and over, I believe it is the best to do the job I really want to do without no acting someone else. As what I am is really important, right?

I love music. So, I have been thinking of Sony Music Entertainment as my future job.


OKay, a typhoon is almost gone. Tomorrow is another day!
Good night! Sweet dreams:)
10.21 Thursday,

Well, I worked for 6 hours or something after a long absence. It was ok.
There is a girl who is so pretty but she does not speak the way with a term of respect for the person she is talking to. She is 21 already and she does not know the manners. What do you think?


My boss once said to me that she is pretty enough, so he does not care at all. I was like, OKay? But she will be a big trouble when she gets into the real world. Maybe I am the one who is too strict about the age rank thing. She always says 'うん' instead of 'yes'. I think it is kind of rude to the person who is teaching for you, right? I think I am so right. So, I asked the coach whether she cares about the way the girl talks. The answer was 'not at all'. OK! BUT YOU SHOULD CARE AND CORRECT IT FOR THAT CHILDISH GIRL!


Having said that, I was like one in the past. It was right after I came back from Canada, so I was too Canadianized at the time. Since I was told by my boss as I should correct the way I talk, I have learned the term of respect for people. Now, Im using it fine.


OMG, it is 3:36 am already. I have to go to the university tomorrow. Actually I hate being in its lot as same as going there. Sigh....good night!
10.17 Sunday,


I just finished watching the movie called 'King Kong'. It was so sad.

The love from King Kong for Anne is so pure. His eyes tell the truth.
He does not have words but acts like a man, shy man.

The movie's scale is really big and its CG is great. The actress reminds me of Nicole Kidman, but she looks more neutral than Nicole does. Jack Black was good in the movie. I really liked 'School of Rock' and thought he is good at comedy.



Having said that, looking at American people for 3 hours or something, I was shocked how my face is so plain when I looked at me in the mirror. I was like,,, 'OMG, when did my eyelids get so big?'


By the way, I went to a seminar of P&G the other day, which was okay. Its working environment sounds fascinating but I thought it would be a little bit difficult to survive in there.

Talking to native people is fine with me because I could turn to somebody else in a good way. However, talking to a Japanese who speaks English fluently makes me uncomfortable because I am totally myself as a Japanese. It will be perfect to be able to behave as I am all the time.
10.5 Tuesday,

Well, I wanted to go to the library today to study SPI but I forgot to bring its textbook!

Awwwww,,,,,,,,,,,



How can I get a job??


There are some steps I should think about. First of all, I have to go to the university to get some information about Shukatsu. Second, studying for SPI is important. Third, attending to seminars such is how to write an ES etc. It will be just fine it I follow the orders like others do.

I have my period and it makes me grumpy!! I cant stand it. I hate it.
Well, it is okay for me to have it, especially it is so regular, but its pain is stronger than anyone's.


K, I really have to get some sleep. Good night!
10,4 Monday

I went to the Fuji Safari Park with my coworkers today and it was so much fun!

I love spending time with them, really.



By the way, what does リア充 mean for you? What is needed to be said like that?

Some people say that riajuu is someone who enjoys own university life as much as possible.
The grades dont mean that much, but the activities in like clubs, some groups, or at place whereyou work are more important than the grades. In short, your ability to serve in a social group means a lot! Right?


Love life is important as well. However it could be something else for you in a bad way.
Spending time too much with someone particular might make you feel that the time is nothing.
You might think that there is something else more valuable you can do during the time.

I am enjoying my life with my friends and myself. That is all for me for now.
I do NOT need to fall in love called REC LOVE while doing job hunting.




OKay, I have not done anything for SPI2 yet. Should I? Yeah, of course.

Im gonna go to the library after work tomorrow to study a little bit of SPI2.



Good night!
10,1 Friday

The rec navi has been open!
Tons of emails are in my email box right now. It takes so long to check all of them.


Im interested in TV, advertisement, and air line companies.


There is a sad news that I have to tell you. 2 of my sisters' tropical fishes died today. She was soupset by not knowing the reason. If she knows where to fix, she will do it for sure but it happened so quickly that we both could not even figure out the reason.

Anyway, we concluded that the water was not that clear. They are so sensitive.

OK, Im so sleepy. All the job hunting thing is threatening me out, but I think I can get along withit.  Good night and sweet dreams!
do I still want to sing?

do i still love to sing?

is there anybody who wants to listen to my music?

do i want to be myself or do i want to change myself?

do i want to start something new or do I want to keep it as it is?

do I listen to myself?

do i know what I want to do?

do I act like somebody else?

is there someone who could help me out?

do i still have passion for my dream?

what is my dream by the way?

is it enough to talk about my dream because i just love singing?

is there something i can feel alive because of it?

is it only music? or is it something i dont know?


do i still want to feel alive?


yes, i do.
9.30 Thursday

The recruit navi which we call it as recnavi is opening tomorrow.
I am kinda afraid to get in to the race because I have a kind and neutral mind. I hate competitingat all. Maybe Im not good at winning but dont wanna lose of course.

Today, I was watching TV and realized I love watching TV. It makes me cry, laugh and filled with new knowledges. Some people say TV has a bad influence on human body but I think that it alsomakes people happy. I love comedy and I learn how important humor is in ordinary life. The technique when to talk and read the moment called 'ma' in Japanese. Then, I tend to practice those techniques with my real friends.

Anyway, Im gonna take a look at TV companies' web sites and entry when it is needed.

OKay, I dont want to go to school tomorrow...but talking with people keeps my tense natural andfine.
9.26 sun

well, the internship of Positive Dream Persons is finally done!
This 3 days program was really hard and we needed to focus on every mission.

Today was the last day which I got a lot of lessons with the members of my group.
Our group members have got quite strong personalities even for me who experienced to study abroad for 3 years in Canada.

One of them was an endless talker, who goes to Aoyama Gakuin University. He was such a leader but could not control when to stop.


well, anyways, i had great day and got feedbacks that i can use for my job hunting usefully.

I realized that how easy people can get closer with some works. it is because of their motivations during job huntings but also they study how to output their feelings through this opportunity called job hunting. I always wanted to share the core part and the emotion from the bottom of heart but none of others who were as same age as me react to my action. So, I have been so glad that people are getting ready to show their feelings and share and give and take feedback.

Ok, good night.

Thank you for all I met through this internship. xoxo