Replay ☆ 1447

Hello

- and i hear how he greets me with this word, like a sigh 

aw -

on saturday we went to the library for a whole day.

it was 3th March, in the evening i went to the stand-up performance by some students of our university

i highlight it, it was in english. in our small city it is something unusual, so it was good

but visitors were students of our university and they are not russian, so it was like friends meeting

sister made a report, i edited articles, read Der Spiegel 

and then sister's student came there and we sat there, three of us and read

and then i came to stand-up and sister went home, and he came to help his friends

it turns to tradition 

visit aunt and eat such kind of sweets

just of of my lunch at workplace

baby puree of apple and pears

yesterday i had a class with russian students, it took 30 minutes, it is sad but, we talked about many things, and i just met them, next time it will more useful, it will take more time

and later i went to cafe with my former student

we talked about politics, medicine and religion in South East Asia

w

and i remember of many things that happened in my past 

sigh

after that i visited my fellow, i didnt see her over two years, but she still lives there, and she is 5th year course...

i know her 5 years... you know..it presses on me so damn much

time is going and...

well, you know, such things...

all march i was sick in different ways, vomit, stomach ache, bleeding, flu

first time for long time i got so bad condition

and last three days arent well for me.

yes, this thing is happening around half of year and i do nothing, and three days ago it happened again 

and so much bleeding

i dont want go to doctor...

-kahara

Replay ☆ 1446

i ran away from my work in hour earlier

to meed my former student

i felt so quilty 

because i crossed a rule 

but, you know, they did it, and i work during my break times, so i finished my work for a day

so

this americano had a vanilla flavor

and it was so soft, that i have never tried such before

i was glad

and i talked with Nimesha

so, good time,  i thank to her

last two days i feel a big fear inside and i dont know how it matches with

and what is a reason

i even did drink double portion of pills yesterday and today

what's going on...

also, today i watched Les Miserables, 2018

i liked... so much

it touched me a lot...

- kahara

Replay ☆ 1445

i think he will hate me for all things i did

so let me hide it

this week passed alright

6th of march at university was a concert and i have bad mood after that, because of the weak show, attitude to women 

and so on

7th of march i came in the university and i heard orchestra of classical music played, it was awesome but a rest of day was not so wonderful

it was hummilation 

and i dont want share of it

later, closer to the end of our work day my former student gave me a rose and chocolate 

and guard of lating building did bring homemade wine

it did tickle my nose and the smell was like berries

i loved it

after work, we went to the market to buy clothes

and we bought, sport pants, tshirts, black jeans

Dad sent a picture to sister, that he found two postacrds in our post

it was so lovely moment, we got message from a girl who we met in The Gazette Russian Forum ten years ago

we talk with her so rarely

and she decided to send us cards

i loved it

we got it on 7th march

also i bought the wonderful bouquet of mimosa

i left it at work, i am worrying of tulips, mimosa and rose there

and dad bought to mom, sister and me these bunches of mimosa

how could i not to take some photos with?

also i tried to write an article about text, words and the understanding

and i dont know how it is

i want to be obsessed with something

no

i want to get addiction with something, someone...

-kahara

Replay ☆ 1444

You know, it seems i create the association with things that have s little hint of him

music, picture, art, book et cetera

sigh

i dont know, uhm

i dont know

today we went to aunt and ate sweets there

before that i finished an article and finished to translate an article 

ah, but every few free minute my mind comes to him

sigh

dont scold me, okay?

грусть можно утолить в вино,

but i chose it

dont scold me

i would like to get drunk, to forget everything and dont come to reality again

take me away, take me there

long time long time i didnt take a photo in the mirror in this way

smiling in the shadow while shadow hides my sadness

after pills, i feel better like calm, but thoughts still exist in my mind

may be i just dont want let him go

may be i dont want take my time away

may be...

dont go

-kahara

Replay ☆ 1443

i started to drink pills to reduce stress

i feel like pills works, however my mind is full of thoughts i had before, i still have a tizzy

i have many thoughts i can not share here

so many 'I' sentences

but let me write so

i feel confidence when i am at my small office but when i come out i get lost

and this changing is happening so easily. just i come down, on the first floor and i turn into a mouse, i run and look down

i am trying to control my feeling, like stop to think of...

but today i opened his profile  and  felt relief

wth

wth

-kahara