here we go again! it's always like this... i'm not even sure what to do anymore... boys are such a difficult creatures..i must say! i was just trying to nice and understanding of situations! what did i do so wrong and aweful to desearve this attitude of your! besides, he kept secrets from me... that's not cool at all! i thought since what he'd gone through and all that terriable experiences that we gonna keep nice and open! he promised me to be open and with no secrets... but well, here it was! there's always his way of giving me tons of justifications for everything! so just be quiet and stay sweet as i can be... i didnt do anything wrong anyway! what ever you had to say... it's just too sad that things always had to have a twist to it and ended up with such a sad situations in the end! why cant i be just happy and be loved?????????
happy happy 2k6! it's the year of doggie and my pub puppy's year!
i had such a nice and relaxing new year's eve and new years day! with sir in my life and his friends, we spent the turn of the year together and was super wonderful! i really like it! then starting from 1/1/06, back to work mode and did work for 8hr shift! it went ok except was super busy working pm shift and not so lovely that i had to stay til almost 2:30am to finish up the work! plus, sir in my life was sicky and i was pretty worry about him while i was working, too. so that didn't help the situation either... but, he's somewhat better now so that's all good and wonderful!
so, let's see, i hope this 2k6 is going to be a wonderful year! since 2k5 became such a night mare for me and because of that god aweful experience, i learned a lot about myself... that's a good thing! but still the heart broken experience... i don't like it... even though i've gone through so many of them in my life so far.... i still do not like that moment of truth... so sad and so painful... anyway, that passed and done with! i'll keep doing my best at my career and hopefully, i can keep learning and grow up to be a better person! with sir in my life... i hope things will stay as sweet as it has been and hopefully we can stay happy couple together!
i just want to know what's going on around me........ what's up in this cold air????? i personally speaking am fine.... actually doing pretty well that a couple of month ago! so, as far as i'm concern i'm doing well. but my friends.... what's really going on? why all of the sudden things had to be like this??? out of blue the hell broke loose?! i thought my girlfriends are all doing well and happy, but that didn't last long did they?! i'm glad that i could be there for my friends right now since they have always been there for me when i was at my low... but still.... i want to see my friends all happy! i know things could happen in the blink of my eye... that's why everythings's so precious and beautiful!!! i know... but it was just a couple of days ago that all of us got together and had an awesome time together... they are all so happy with my haapy news that night! after all the bs happened this summer, i finally could get up and stand on my feet steadily!!! they're very happy for me and i had such a wonderful evening with them.... then, this..... i'm very sad and feel terriable for my friends and for me, i'm scared.... i know things happened in reasons/purposes... i know.... i learned a lot especially from those tough situations that i had to go through in the pase... i learned and could grow up with many many love and kind support from my family and friends.... learning is good, but still i wish things to be happy for all of my friends.... it's just so sad to see my friends sad.... i really do hope everything'll work out to be all happy and beautiful soon!!!
well..... first of all, it's toooooooo cold lately that makes me want to stay home and sleep all day! I do love winter, but this coldness is just too tough! anyway, you learn from your past experiences... or at least you should, right!? well, i did my share of lesson learned in hard way kind of experiences before and i thought i learned something... somethings enough to protect myself or just to be smart??? well whichever it is, i thought i learned my lesson and trying not to make same mistakes over and over again! but, it's so tough sometimes that you tend to fall into this g** aweful trend of event... my case i jump into things so easily and way too quickly. then things dont progress in the way that i was hoping or at least i thought was heading falls a part... for that i get sad and get hurt by the ending of it. how hard it has to be??? i just want to be happy and make others happy or at least be able to assist their happiness! things get very confusing these days that makes me think a lot! using my brain is a very good thing, but still... i wish things get somewhat clearer sometimes so that i don't need to think or wonder too much and too hard! i just want to be happy!
this new friend send me an e-mail with such an awesome line the other day..... what he said was "...it's not fair to hold the sins of another against someone else..." ~ what a line to hear!!! I totally agree with this line of his and made me think of a lot of things over this past weekend after reading the e-mail message from him. you try to learn from your past experiences and hope not to make same mistakes over and over again... hope to go step forward for happiness by making improvements and progress by doing things right... especially those areas that you think you did not do too well previously... (hopeful speaking...) but more you think about it you know everybody, every relationship, every situation and every moments are so unique and no exact moment will come in frount of you... so, learning, improving, and growin are all very nice things to do, but you just need to deal with things and situations as they come to you. you just cant to predict or assume by doing in a way will always bring a same outcome for you... and his line that i totally agree with was exactly of that... you have to treat each and every situations as they are and that's only fair... give each moment and situations a chance.... actually you are giving yourself a chance to learn new things everytime! that's precious!!! that's beautiful!!! it's only fiar...
"have a nice holiday" ~ a line that i hear all the time now... holiday season's here and just a little bit annoying for sure. for the first time in my life, i understand and can sort of feel how this time of a year can be super duper hard for some people to be ok and exist on daily life as usual.... it's just so family, friends, and lovers oriented that for those people who dont have those close people touch in their everyday life it's just plain simple series or repeat of tourmented moments. everywhere you look you can see somekind of holiday season theme and you know......... makes you wonder lots and lots of things. will be working this holiday season and for me it actually making situations a lot easier, but for sure that i can see many things in people and situations that i'll encounter that this holiday season which supposed to be heart-warming and love filled time of a year is actually the saddest and loneliest time of a year as well... hope everythings will be nice and peacefull... once my friend/my ex-highschool sweetheart told me this line that he came up with in one of his project for senior year english project that ..."everything's beautiful...even death is beautiful......." i hope for those people who i love and care about dearly, this holiday season will be filled with loving, kind, warm, and peaceful time of this year! 2005 has been such a year for me that i think i do deserve peaceful holiday season for sure!!! i just want to be happy and have peaceful time knowing that all my loved ones are having wonderful holiday seasons!
ps :)
well, things that i knew about... the fact that there're different people and each one of us has different take on things... so for that communication is sooooooooo important to find out about those differences between us and hopefully (my hopeful speaking this is, but...) we can establish better understanding in each others takes. COMMUNICATIONS... what a process!!! as is, it's so difficult to share what exactly i'm thinking or feeling at times in words, but i have to put them so that the other party'd kindly understand and would take as close as possible to exactly what i'm talking about... is super tough!!! and on top of all that, there'll be always some kind of limitations... i.e. time, appropriate place, occasion, and personal distance....etc. i really wish that communicating, understanding, and accepting each others difference would go a little bit easier... i would love to understand situations better... really... that'll be beautiful, i think... challenges, challenges...
well, here we go... my first diary!
i just hope that things will be all ok and goes smooth. i just really really hoping for a good turn out!
pretty positive person, i am, but sometimes (just sometimes...) get into thinkin' too much too deeply mode... and you know that doesnt usually help the situation, but to make them complicated or at least seems complicated that it really is.
well, well, well, hope everything's gonna be beautiful as it can be... i'd very much love that!
in terms of this page, i guess i could just keep going in english, but i can read and write japanese! so whoever you are nice and curious enough to read this far, please write me some messages... i love that very very much!
thank u! peace + smile :)