What happens when you can't scream or bleed out all the pain
that's been contained within you for easily over a decade?
You keep feeling it in secret, you struggle alone in the dark,
when no one thinks you are
You struggle with your demons that were created from the trauma alone
the demons that are evil, yet that also saved you when you could not save yourself
I can't help but still feel like I am a part of the traumatic events scarred within
my heart and psyche
I feel like I am split in two:
the traumatized self, and a fully functioning person.
I feel whole but invisibly broken
My pain is all momentarily, no matter how deep it feels, no matter how unbearable
it still can feel at times. It all feels so overwhelming every time because I still hurt.
I am not there anymore. I need my past self to be heard as I continue on my current path, in this life I have now,
where I never thought I`d ever get a chance to experience, that I never thought I would actually want one day.
I will keep working on taking care of myself. I need to remember that I still struggle with a bit of PTSD at times (emotional reactions to triggers like sexual abuse/harassment memories and how they amplify my feelings about my past with dad and others as a whole.)