I began to question myself whether am I truly loving her or it is just an illusion of the heart?
I might miss her and our memories we had together.
But after today (11th of May 2013) I know that I still love her so so much.
Today she went out with him.
That is the reason why she's been ignoring my call. And also not replying my whatsapp. Or even online in whatsapp.
I could say today I was worried. From yesterday I tried contacting her till today but her replies was slow.
And I thought that its her council problems so she would ignore me because she was busy.
But apparently my "sixth sense" got me wrong. And at first I thought she was out with Keith. But yeah she did go out with a guy. But its with her boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong to go out with her boyfriend.
But I could say I really felt like something stabbed my heart everytime they hang out.
Or his "unexpected" visit that surprised her and she took a photo together with him. My last photo with her was in Melaka. And now that my phone is lost. I have nothing to look back to.
Its the 11th. By right it should be our 1 year and 10months together if things went well and we did not breakup.
It is still a date to remember but she spent it with him.
Last year. 2012. Around this day. She was away because her godfather passed away. I couldn't spend it with her. And she told me that she fallen for him. I can tell you. It hurts like the same as last year. Nothing has changed.
Sigh. I wish, if there is a God. Please have mercy on my soul.
I can tell you that I've been hurting non stop ever since we broke up.
Even if I did alot of things for her. I couldn't tell her that I felt unappreciated because she will freak out and say "OH, If you suffer so much then might as well don't love me anymore lah"
I just don't know what to do at times.
It hurts like crazy and God give me strength.
I am holding my tears now.
And I cannot express my feelings towards her or anyone else because there is nothing wrong to go out with her boyfriend.
And yet.
It still hurts.
Why am I still loving her, why am I still feel the pain?
I might miss her and our memories we had together.
But after today (11th of May 2013) I know that I still love her so so much.
Today she went out with him.
That is the reason why she's been ignoring my call. And also not replying my whatsapp. Or even online in whatsapp.
I could say today I was worried. From yesterday I tried contacting her till today but her replies was slow.
And I thought that its her council problems so she would ignore me because she was busy.
But apparently my "sixth sense" got me wrong. And at first I thought she was out with Keith. But yeah she did go out with a guy. But its with her boyfriend.
Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong to go out with her boyfriend.
But I could say I really felt like something stabbed my heart everytime they hang out.
Or his "unexpected" visit that surprised her and she took a photo together with him. My last photo with her was in Melaka. And now that my phone is lost. I have nothing to look back to.
Its the 11th. By right it should be our 1 year and 10months together if things went well and we did not breakup.
It is still a date to remember but she spent it with him.
Last year. 2012. Around this day. She was away because her godfather passed away. I couldn't spend it with her. And she told me that she fallen for him. I can tell you. It hurts like the same as last year. Nothing has changed.
Sigh. I wish, if there is a God. Please have mercy on my soul.
I can tell you that I've been hurting non stop ever since we broke up.
It hurts like crazy and God give me strength.
I am holding my tears now.
And I cannot express my feelings towards her or anyone else because there is nothing wrong to go out with her boyfriend.
And yet.
It still hurts.
Why am I still loving her, why am I still feel the pain?