I'm writing this on the way to have lunch with her..
Before this we sorta fought.
She told me she did not know of the plan.
I thought I told her days ago that I'm gonna have lunch with her. But I never give her a place nor a time.
This was actually a surprise. I planned myself and to bring her to the curve for lunch at manhattan fish market and we just chat like normal.
But she told me she already got tired of surprises. And she wants to know the plan.
My heart fell. I suddenly felt so cold. So bland. The girl that used to love my surprises now telling me she got tired of it..
Sometimes its very frustrating. I've planned perfectly but some unaccounted things happened and I have no choice but to shift the intial plan to suit what's gonna come.
That's just how I do it. Even in leadership camps also. True leaders have their own plan but its also flexible. If anything fails they think on their feet for another plan.
____________________________
She told me yesterday. That in the future even if she wanted to get back with me. She wont. Somehow it hurt me again.
My plan is marrying her but plans change again. But I'm losing hope.
These few days she shot me down. Like very down.
I can't bounce back the way I used to. Everytime when I'm emoing I have no one to talk to.
But when I talk to her she did not really listen.
And while chatting with me. She chat with him.
Even when we arguing about lunch. She can happily tweet to him.
I felt I've lost her completely.
How did things turn this way?
Something I am so sure of of the future with her.
Suddenly things just shattered.
I dunno her side of the story. Or I dunno how she felt.
But if she's emo at least there's him that cheer her up again.
I have no one. I find myself very lost.
Although I became more mature than before.
Hurting like this made me unable to control myself.
My mind keep thinking the scenario of what if.
What if I nvr tell my family of our relationship?
What if I nvr told her if she loved someone else then I will let her go?
What if I held on tightly and never let her go?
Its too early for me to think what if.. but recently I can't feel anything besides what if.
I can't really focus on my work and my life.
I felt that my life really pointless and felt like dying.
But the thought of my parents and supporting them to be a fillial child stopped me from thinking further.
I told myself before never to let emotions get the best of me. But when it happens I can't control it.
If she got back with me just because to get back my drive to work hard its pointless also. Because she already love another guy.
I am so lost now.
______________________________
I might be losing hope. But its not completely lost that hope. That hope of marrying her and love her openly.
She told me not to surprise her anymore and yeah I wont. But if we ever get married. The nxt surprise will be the proposal.
For now I only can love her from afar..
Despite all the hurtings I still madly inlove with her.
Things are hard to explain sometimes.
Android携帯からの投稿
Before this we sorta fought.
She told me she did not know of the plan.
I thought I told her days ago that I'm gonna have lunch with her. But I never give her a place nor a time.
This was actually a surprise. I planned myself and to bring her to the curve for lunch at manhattan fish market and we just chat like normal.
But she told me she already got tired of surprises. And she wants to know the plan.
My heart fell. I suddenly felt so cold. So bland. The girl that used to love my surprises now telling me she got tired of it..
Sometimes its very frustrating. I've planned perfectly but some unaccounted things happened and I have no choice but to shift the intial plan to suit what's gonna come.
That's just how I do it. Even in leadership camps also. True leaders have their own plan but its also flexible. If anything fails they think on their feet for another plan.
____________________________
She told me yesterday. That in the future even if she wanted to get back with me. She wont. Somehow it hurt me again.
My plan is marrying her but plans change again. But I'm losing hope.
These few days she shot me down. Like very down.
I can't bounce back the way I used to. Everytime when I'm emoing I have no one to talk to.
But when I talk to her she did not really listen.
And while chatting with me. She chat with him.
Even when we arguing about lunch. She can happily tweet to him.
I felt I've lost her completely.
How did things turn this way?
Something I am so sure of of the future with her.
Suddenly things just shattered.
I dunno her side of the story. Or I dunno how she felt.
But if she's emo at least there's him that cheer her up again.
I have no one. I find myself very lost.
Although I became more mature than before.
Hurting like this made me unable to control myself.
My mind keep thinking the scenario of what if.
What if I nvr tell my family of our relationship?
What if I nvr told her if she loved someone else then I will let her go?
What if I held on tightly and never let her go?
Its too early for me to think what if.. but recently I can't feel anything besides what if.
I can't really focus on my work and my life.
I felt that my life really pointless and felt like dying.
But the thought of my parents and supporting them to be a fillial child stopped me from thinking further.
I told myself before never to let emotions get the best of me. But when it happens I can't control it.
If she got back with me just because to get back my drive to work hard its pointless also. Because she already love another guy.
I am so lost now.
______________________________
I might be losing hope. But its not completely lost that hope. That hope of marrying her and love her openly.
She told me not to surprise her anymore and yeah I wont. But if we ever get married. The nxt surprise will be the proposal.
For now I only can love her from afar..
Despite all the hurtings I still madly inlove with her.
Things are hard to explain sometimes.
Android携帯からの投稿