Life's like a rose, waiting to start blossom.

I don't know how to feel right now. I sort of hate my life, but I know (or at least I try to tell myself) that it will be better.

The person I was really mad at the day before yesterday isn't that bad after all and I think things will turn out pretty okay when it comes to all that stuff.

A bad thing though: One of my best friends don't understand me. He don't get what my life is about and what upsets me the most and what I'm fighting for 24/7. I'm afraid and sad. Afraid that there are so few people who actually will understand and acept me the way I am. I'm sad because I though that my friend knowed me better than that. I'm sad that I don't really know what to do with my life, at least before I'm turning eighteen, or maybe nineteen.

I just got one friend that I really can talk to. Or actually I got three, but one of them is so different from me as a person so I don't really know what will happen in the future. All of them are over twenty years old. I'm such a child in one way and totally grown-up in another. I can't talk proporly with people in my age. I'm not feeling that well and I don't know what to do about it.

Maybe I should talk to someone about it more than I already did. But I don't think that's going to help... I know one thing that really would help, but that's just a dream of mine. That is that I hade a mentor. A mentor who's like thirty-something years old and that can help me feel better when I'm down. The mentor should offcourse be queer and really against all the heteronormative things. Zie/She/He should ofcourse not live a heteronormative lifestyle at all. Instead it should be a person who lives in a community or something like that. You know, like a person who lives in a apartment/house where everyone are eatchothers family.

I'm so fucking tired of this shit! Pardon my french.

//Emil, Emm.

Tired and sick of people... (=_=)

Hello everyone... I can't really imagane that some people actually still reads what I'm writing here because I've been really bad lately... This journal works as my second diary and therefore I don't always feel like I want to update. I've got another, more "public-friendly" blog also and a diary wich I try to write in as often as I can (wich means maybe once a day, or at least twice a week).

I'm so sick of a person right now! Or actually I'm not that sick of just her, I'm also tired of all the other people (almost) that I've got the same relationship too.

I'm so sick of being stuck with assistans all the time. It would be so much easier if I just could use a robot some times. It's hard to always have to be with persons who're being payed to help you but they sort of just makes a total mess of your life.

Need to go~

//Emil

Obsession and a lost book...

I wonder if someone ever read this blog... (^_^;) Probably not, but I keep on writing anyway...

I want to find blogs at ameba which written in English and which is written by other LGBT-people. I mean, it's so nice to have blogs to read that you can relate to, and honestly spoken: I can't relate so much to stereotypical, straight and heteronormative people. Too bad! So if you're an LGBT-person and somewhat queer, write your blog-adress here please! m(_ _ )m

Today I've searched for my book named "Hello Cruel World", written by Kate Bornstein, but unfortunatily I couldn't find it. So sad because I really don't think I can live without that book, it's a real masterpiece about how to survive as an LGBTQ-kid in this world. So good!!! I wonder if I should write the author a letter, I mean, it's better to tell the person who's written the book that you really like it than just tell everybody how great it is, right? I must buy a new one at Amazon a.s.a.p., because if I sometime soon gets depressed or something that book would really be the best cure for me, I promise!

About Kate Bornstein: I wonder why I like her so much... I mean, she's a great author and writes about really interesting stuff, but I don't usually gets this obsessed by an author! Maybe it's because she makes things visible that usually don't get atention at all, such as the problem with being a LGBTQ-kid and so on. She also writes about genders, and that's one of my favourite subjects to discuss, so maybe it isn't so weird that I like her so much anyway...

Before I quit writing I must just say that LM.C will come back to Sweden in April. I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The question now is: What to wear?