Sadness

Sadness is always based in our cognition..
People who are always sad definitely have some irrational thinking inside their minds...
My advice,, "think of happy things" or "go out and have some fun!"
We always have a choice,, we choose to be alone because we think this is more comfortable not knowing that
being alone makes us even sadder..
Why not surround yourself with happy people,, emotions are contagious.. its like a disease..
if you stay with people who are always sad definitely you'll feel the sadness too,..


Life is Good~ hahaha

I can't explain how much happy I Am to be able to do the things I have never thought I could do~~
I wasn't even aware that I am capable of doing such things... most of all I never think that one day
I would be able to fulfill my passions in life.. ^_^.. well not yet,, but Im on the process...

Im so happy ^____^

What else could I ask for??
I'm on the right path in fulfilling my goals (im doing good), I have wonderful friends who always make me happy and support me, I have supportive mentors, I have workmates who are helpful and cooperative, I have people who admire me (LOL), I have a family who provide me financial support.... These things are fair enough for me to be thankful and happy~~~

I can see now how much difference I've made from the past years and months... Ive always been the depressed one~~ but now~~~ because of a change in attitude, in thinking, I feel so much alive, I feel so much better....................

experience

Never in my life that I dreamt of becoming a model or a beauty pageant contestant.. however i became hahaha
for a week~ lol...

an experience i would never forget for the rest of my life...
an experience that made me cross borders; i got to know a lot of people and became closer with people i thought i would never like
experience~

im very much thankful to those people who supported and believed in me..
they were there when it was my time~~ ^_^

thank u thank u~~~




until the next pageant hahaha
of course it wud not be me anymore haha

date

u know what??
i did something new finally...
after 3 years hahahaha

no.. dating is not new to me...
but dating a filipino is somewhat new lol

Im not even used on speaking tagalog with guys..
the guys ive dated for the past 3 years are mostly koreans, chinese and Japanese...
cause it was my choice.. haha I never really liked filipinos...
that's why my friends were so intrigued when I told them that I'll be dating a filipino...
they send me msgs like "how's the date wd a pinoy"..

my answer???
"nah~ jz fine~ .. he is fine... "

guess i still have my "standards"
but it wasnt bad after all.. only the fact that
my personality got in the way again..
tskk... it's ok though~~
better men are waiting
and a BETTER me ~ LOL

ok.. gotta go to skul bbye~

grades

good grades

something new and postive

I know well..
I know how much complain I can give in a day~~
I know how pessimistic I can be... i know well..

recently, I become so busy....
I have two researches to finish (im the leader in both of the researches)
I have psychological tests to administer to 4 different clients,, I have journals to finish, I have a heavy and thick books to read... and the list goes on.....
but u know what~ I am happy!

I'm doing well in school (at least for the 3/4 of my subjects haha) and I still want to do better next time.. Im still determined to get another scholarship for next sem... .. another thing, I feel loved by people.. I get to go out with my friends all the time, despite of our busy shcedules we do go out most of the time ... I am so much thankful to have real friends like them... , this time,, this time... one of the rare moments... I am satisfied.. I am happy~~

it is indeed true that life has so much to offer... pain and tears are part of life,, suffering is part of life... but still happiness is a choice.. still attitude plays a big role in determining happiness...
I learned that I will never be happy if i dwell on the past and if I keep an anger inside.. I will never move on and will never be happy as long as i have hatred in my heart... as long as I am negative... happiness will nver come~ however, at this moment, I do feel happy~~

so sick

The reason why I always go out every weekends is because I really hate staying home....
At home I feel lonesome, i feel more depressed, i feel that anytime soon my head will explode...
Why? there's no peace here at home! my mom's mouth is like a nonstop grenade, my father's immature acts are so irritating... and yes, I've been living like this for 20 years of my life.....

definitely people would tell me that Im lucky cause I have a home.. yes of course, Im glad about the fact that I have a home... physical home of course, somewhere where I can sleep.. (recently though I can't even sleep in my room!)

Honestly, I feel that if i stay here longer I would eventually grow up like my mom.. YAII~~ that would be a hell!

nothing

honestly, I dont like my mom... Whatever the reason is, I have put it already here before,,,,

sigh...

she can be actually called a neurotic.... why? she never accept her mistakes, she blames people, she is not emotionally supporting, she displaces her anger on people, she only sees the negative things of situations......
in short a person with a lot of basic mistakes=a person with neurotic symptom

When i say people ,, probably its me..

My mom never loses an argument,, even you tell her that u didn't do a certain thing she will never stop until you shut your mouth off (its like admitting a crime u never did).... if she is the judge, probably by now iam buried 6ft below the ground.

can i say this.. i hate her.. honestly.. my blood boils at this moment!!! of course even she sees this I'll still be the one to be blamed.. come on~ I told yah, she never admits her mistakes... not even once~ not even a sorry that she pointed at me on doing a thing i didnt actually do...

yesterday, my prof in psychotherapy told us this
"in order for you to move on, the first thing u can do is to forgive your parents"..
I got a bit emotional on that.. cause honestly, before I always tell myself that "she's still my mom, so I understand even she kills me psychologically and emotionally"... but now,, Im becoming more furious about her....
at this moment at least.....

Im very much irritated with her...

of course i have praised her a lot of times here before.... but definitely, if she were to read these things she'll only remember the bad ones..
no wonder Im kinda like that too.. "negative"

Anger

Anger is an emotion that is hard to control.. however never let anger ruin your day... cause it could never take you somewhere...

There was a driver who noticed that he wasn't able to maximize his earnings by making his vehicle full of passengers.. He kept looking on the empty seat....he kept swearing... then finally he divert his anger through the wheels, , he drove the car like a roller coaster (a sign of people who want to make others "aware" of his anger"-- stupid indeed) , he did that for several minutes then he diverted his anger to his coins, he kept counting the coins and threw them several times back on the box... He's very angry... angry bcoz the coins he could have earned.

I hate people like him!!! I hate people showing their anger and making others suffer too.. He is a driver and it's not the passengers' fault that he wasn't able to earn the maximum... but is it right to displace his anger to the wheels? to think that a lot of people are in the vehicle. To think that the lives people are on his hands??
It is indeed true,, not only people in mental institution are sick,, in fact a lot of people you are able to meet everyday are worse...

is 7coins that big? or lets say its a big amount of money,, is it a right reason to throw your anger and make people suffer?

Anyway, in the end, the driver lost his coins.. When he kept throwing his coins on his money box, his box suddenly fell down, and the coins fell on the ground...
See? your anger won't take you anywhere, it will only make your situation worse...

sigh....

When you were little

When I was kid I used to think that time fly so slowly,,, I always wait for the dismissal of class, lunchtime, Fridays, Saturdays with friends , I used to wait for my dad to finish watching news.,,.. time flew so slowly.. However now that Iam an adult, time seems to fly in a light year speed .. Weekends always pass by so fast but it also come so fast, dismissal always come so fast but classes start so fast as well...
A lot of things has changed,, now I like being in school, i like reading, i like studying, I don't feel good when classes are suspended, I want to study! but time is pulling me,, soon i'll be working .. bye bye college days.. bye bye school days..
Just the thought of these make me sad

Iam really an adult now.. whether I like it or not,, I am an adult,, time will never come back again...
All I could do is just enjoy my life, enjoy the future, enjoy the present, learn from the past....
laugh hard, smile more, meet more people, travel more......

life.....
oh life..

LOL

once again...

a taste of pain