Color this Coast -2ページ目

a saw this message in my email from someone i dont really know..

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

actually i have seen that from somewhere before but really i never knew what it truly meant.... i guess after experiencing hard blows in love I finally understood that .. true indeed. this is a line from a bible but psychology would agree on this one. since love is a positive feeling why do we always associate it to negative feelings like fear and pain? so true indeed if its real love then there should be no fear. :)

and i think im on my way there.... on real love

xmas xmas xmas

lord now i know what i want for xmas....
please :) just these two :D
i'll be happy :))
promise

men

a man can kill and still be the sweetest thing

tsk.

no no no :))

can't focus :)))))

cried

this day i cried... i cried hard that i fell asleep despite the fact i just woke up an hour ago..
im not really feeling well this day.. my left knee has been killing me for a long time.. it hurts so much.. i can even feel the pain from my left ankle to my legs to my knee and to my shoulders...

seriously ive never prayed so hard like this in my entire life. ive never wanted so much in my life....
i prayed so hard........................................ so hard this time...

no more

no more confusion this time jamie...
no more...

just do what you have to do..
this is your final decision and your final order

good luck! and you can do it!

---your thoughts

----

yeah :))

on love again

i just watched a good movie.. "Eat pray love"..

should i say I feel like im the girl in the movie...

i like the part, the last part "love"
wherein people are telling her that "losing yourself at the beginning is normal" something like that..

well ive always been the scared one.. im scared of losing myself.. i have ruined relationships because im afraid of people leaving me, im afraid losing my ego boundaries... what happens is i always projected it with my partner..

heartbreaking as it may sound. really. but that object cathexis part is my least favorite...and for years i havent gotten through with that... i just feel awful in the end of every relationship cause i wasnt able to fight those fears..

however after so much heartbreaks i realized that i have to trust and put more faith on myself.. i need to control my emotions as well as my thoughts... im really tired being on the cycle... i want change... i want a new beginning

this time... i'll just lose myself if thats part of the process... i;ll just love.. i dont want to ask anymore... i just want to be happy.. i just want to love... conquer my fears.. love hard.