Yesterday, I was on live TV for the first time in my life. Not only was I on live TV, but I was on live TV for a long time--17 minutes to be exact. I felt like I was dreaming. Four months ago, no one knew me except my friends, and I would talk their heads off about langauge and culture. When I started doing this bilingual blog, I had no idea how long I would keep it up, but I figured I would keep doing it until it stopped being fun. Well, since then, a lot has happened and I have been on TV a couple times and in the newspaper--not to mention that I have Facebook friend requests coming at me from all directions.
今まで経験したことがないことばっかりだった。でもやっぱり、一番幸せなことは、読者からのコメントだ。「全く英語に興味がないし、海外にも行ったこともないけど、なぜか、アンちゃんもブログが大好き。」とか「英語を勉強する気が出たバイ！」やっぱり、アンちゃんは日本人のためブログを書いているんだ。最初に、英語が話せる人も読んでもらいたいなぁと思ったけど、やっぱり、このブログは日本人のためにあるものだと、最近気づいた。（もちろん英語が話せる人も読んでくれたら嬉しいけど）。日本、そして日本人がバリバリ好きだから、何かしてあげることがあれば、してあげたいと思っている。
一生懸命台本を復習している。
Reviewing the script.
All kinds of new stuff is happening to me, but one of the best things is the comments from my readers. I get messages like, "I am not all that interested in English, and I have never been abroad, but for some reason I really like your blog." Or, "I am motivated to study English again. Thank you!" I realized recently that I am writing this blog for Japanese people. When I first started, I was hoping that both English speakers and Japanese speakers would read it, and I still do of course, but this is a blog aimed at the Japanese reader. I love not only Japan, but Japanese people, so if there is any thing I can do to help make their lives better, I want to do it.
昨日「めんたいワイド」という番組に出るために、親友の満貴子と一緒に福岡市にあるFBSのテレビ局のスタジオに行った。満貴子をマネージャーにしようかな。給料は払えんけど。不思議なことに、私は全然緊張しなかった。私は小さい時、どもりがめちゃ酷かったから、人の前で話すことはずっと嫌だった。人の前で話すことが嫌いにも関わらず、なぜか、人前で話さんのいけん英語の先生になった。ウケる。それはあまり嫌じゃなかったけど、教会で、順番に聖書の聖句を読んだ時はすごくパニックになった。私の番が来る前にトイレに行こうかなとか、外に行こうかなとか、様々な作戦を考えた。必ず、声を出して読んだ時噛んだからさ。みんなの前で祈ることも恥ずかしかった。なぜ、私の流暢な日本語は、人の前でしゃべった時片言日本語になるかはわからない。神様は、私の片言祈りは絶対に聞いてくれるとわかったけど、それでも自信がなかった。けど、宗像に引っ越した後、なんだか、流暢な日本語で祈れるようになったし、人の前で話すことも全然平気になった。やっぱり、宗像はアンちゃんの居場所だ。しかも、人前で話すことが嫌じゃなかったらだけじゃなくて、バリバリ好きになった。不思議。。。
やっぱり髪の毛はカッコいい！
Yeah, my hair is pretty cool...
So, yesterday I went to the FBS TV Station with my BFF Makiko there beside me for moral support. Maybe I will make her my manager, although I am unable to pay her at the moment. Haha. I wasn't nervous at all, and that is weird because when I was little, I had the worst stutter. I hated to go up in front of people and talk. This continued into my life in Japan, although for some mysterious reason I became an English teacher, a job which requires me to stand in front of people 80% of the time. Anyway, I hated being called on a church to read a Bible verse, or to pray in Japanese. I would think, "This would be a good time to go to the bathroom or to go outside for a minute." I would always stutter when I read the Bible out loud, and when I prayed, my usually fluent Japanese turned into a linguistic mess. Of course I knew that God would hear my broken Japanese and answer me, but I still had zero confidence. But after I moved to Munakata, I was suddenly able to pray well in Japanese, and I no longer hated being in front of people. Just more proof that I belong in Munakata! Not only did I not hate speaking in front of people, I actually started to love it.
だから、昨日、テレビに出る前に、どんだけ私は成長したって考えた。こういう日が来ると全く思わなかった。わくわくしていた。ライフコーチングをやっている友達に言われたのは、「緊張感」と「興奮」は同じような気持ということだ。だから、彼女に「緊張したら、その緊張を興奮に変えてみて！」と言われた。出演の２時間前ぐらいにリハーサルした。めちゃくちゃ楽しかったし、全然緊張しなかった。けど、生だから、本番はリハーサルと全く同じ感じになるわけじゃなかろう？本当に笑える。本番とリハーサルの質問と流れは全然違った。まぁ、しょうがない。生中継はそういうもんだ。出る１分前まで平気だったけど、出る直前心臓発作をおこすんじゃゃないかなって心配した。
待合室にて。
In the waiting area.
So at the studio right before I went on the air, I was thinking about how much I have grown. I never thought a day like this would come. I wasn't nevous, but excited. My friend Yoshiko tells me that nervousness and excitement come from the same emotions, and that when you feel nervousness, you should try to change it to excitement. There was a rehersal two hours before the live show. It was a blast and I was confident. But of course, the live show was nothing like the rehersal. Both the questions I was asked and the flow of the live show were different. I was fine until like a minute before it was time to go on, but then my heart started beating out of my chest. I wondered if I just might have a heart attack.
けど、なんとかうまくいった。完璧じゃなかったけど、頑張ったバイ。不思議なことに、いつも緊張すると、急に私の大好きな博多弁が話せんくなる。マジうける。Tシャツに「標準語話せません」って書いてあったけど、バリバリ標準語だった。ちょこちょこ博多弁が出たけど、やっぱり、あのバリバリカッコいいアナウンサー達を見ると、なかなか博多弁が出て来ん。友達が録画したやつを見たら、満足していたけど、正直に、標準語を話している私の姿は気持ち悪かった。はは。まぁ、そのアンちゃんはバリバリしっかりしているヤンキー準教授に見えたからよかろう？
But I think I did okay. It wasn't perfect, of course, but I did my best. For some mysterious reason, when I get nervous, I am unable to speak my beloved Hakata dialect. Seriously. I was wearing a t-shirt that said, "I cannot speak standard Japanese," and yet there I was--speaking standard Japanese. Hakata dialect slipped out here and there, but you know, it was hard to speak it while talking to the really cool and articulate TV announcers. When I got home after the show, I watched it again. I was very happy with how i did, but I didn't enjoy seeing myself speaking standard Japanese at all. Well, at least I seemed like a well-spoken punk rock university professor.
テレビに出る前に、お化粧もしてもらった。私は、まず、お化粧の仕方が分からんバイ。マジ。毎日マスカラを付けるけど、他のはわからん。折り紙と同じくらいわからない。自分でしようと思ったら、ピエロみたいな顔になる可能性が高い。だから、いつも大事な日に、（結婚式、取材など）友達にしてもらう。友達はいつもこういうことを言う。「アンちゃん！本気を出したらバリバリ綺麗やん！」まぁ、そうかもしれんけど、めんどくさいなぁ。けど、やっぱり、お化粧をしてもらうと、気分転換になる。鏡に映っている私の顔を見たら、「本当やん！本気を出したら、キレイやん！」と思った。
I had my makeup done before I went on the air, too. I seriously know nothing about makeup. Nothing. I put on mascara everyday, but that is it. I know about as much about makeup as I do about origami, which is very close to nothing. If I do it myself, there is a good chance I will end up looking like a clown. So for important events, like weddings or TV appearances, I ask my friends to do it for me. When my friends see me wearing makeup, they always say, "Man, if you try you are really beautiful!" Well, maybe so, but I just see it as a pain in the neck. But you know, when someone does my makeup, it does something to me. I look in the mirror and say, "Wowzers! What a beauty!"
番組が終わったら、友達から色んなメッセージが来た。面白いことに、多くの友達は私の話よりも、私の見た目に興味があった。「お化粧してる！ワォー！」「超キレイやん！」「髪の毛はカッコいい！！」まぁ、こんなにみんなをびっくりさせるなら、やっぱり、たまに本気を出したほうがいいかも。
After the show, I got a lot of messages from my friends. The funny thing is, a lot of them had more to say about how stunning I looked with makeup than with how I performed on the show. "Look at that makeup!" "You are beautiful!" "You hair is so cool!" Well, I guess if I shocked them this much, maybe I should think of wearing makeup more often...
一番感動したのは、FBSのスタッフの優しさということだ。私たちはドアを開けて入ってから、帰りのタクシーに乗るまでのもてなしは半端なかった。人生初めて芸能人の扱いを経験した。自分だけの待合室があったり、いろんなおやつとか飲み物を準備してくれたり、スタジオに入った時、みんなが拍手してくれたりした。リハーサルの時も。本当に感動した。いろんな人に会ったけど、みんなは最高にいい人だった。スターはよくプライドが高いと聞くけど、全くそんな感じじゃなかったね。普通に誰とでも話せた。みんな優しかったからこそ、私は満足ができた初生出演ができた。またいつか同じようなことが出来たらいいなぁと思っている。
The FBS staff was awesome. From the moment I walked in the door, until they saw me off in my taxi, the hospitality was beyond words. It was the first time in my life that I felt like a star. I had my own room to prepare in, there were snacks and drinks, and everyone in the studio clapped for me when I walked in--even during the rehersal. I was really touched. Every single person I met was awesome and super nice to me. You often hear about how TV stars are stuck up and prideful, but I didn't see that at all in anyone. I talked to them all like they were regular folk. I think because everybody was so nice to me and supportive that I was able to feel satisfied with how I did. I hope I get a chance to do something like that again one day. Hint. Hint....
どもりが酷かったアンちゃんは、それを乗り越えることができて、何百万人の前で外国語で生出演が出来た。バリバリ神様に感謝しているバイ。人間は、どんな悩みとか問題があってもそれをみんなの支えで乗り越えると私はすごく思っている。今、私の真ん中の子供もどもりで悩んでいる。でも私は、同じ経験をしたから、アビちゃんを励ますことが出来る。やっぱり、私は人生の試練をいいことに変えるバイ。今までの試練と悩みはイヤだと全く思わない。色んな試練があったからこそ、今のアンちゃんになった。悩みを抱えている人の励みになれたら、それ以上の喜びはない。今どもりで悩んでいるアビちゃんは、将来にどんだけ素晴らしいことをするやろう。見るのは楽しみだ。待ちきれん。
So Annechan, who stuttered terribly as a child, was able to overcome that stutter and speak for 17 minutes in a foreign langauge in front of a whole lot of people. I am really thankful to God for all he has helped me to overcome. I think anyone, not only me, can overcome any struggle in their lives with the support of those around them. My middle daughter Abby struggles with a stutter, just like her Mommy. But because I know how she feels, I am am able to encourage her that she can overcome it just like I did. That is what I am going to do--I am going to turn all my struggles into successes. I wouldn't change any hard time that I have gone through in my life, because it is those hard times that have made me into who I am today. And if my struggles can help other people in some way, well, nothing would make me happier. And while Abby may be discouraged about her stutter now, I believe in her endless possibility and I can't wait to see what great things she does with her life.