私は、長く日本に住んでいるから、日常生活は全然困らない。けど、日本語の文法と単語がわかるからといって、相手が言ってることを必ずわかるとは限らない。何ヶ月前に、教会の役員会の会議があった。日本人もアメリカ人もいたけど、みんな日本語がわかるから、日本語で会議をした。すごく大事な話題を話し合った時に、日本人のYさんは、結構長く自分の意見を言った。その後、３９年間も日本に住んでいるアメリカ人の牧師さんは「つまり、彼は言いたいのは。。。」と言ったけど、私の解釈は全然違った。私は、Yさんの発言を全然違う意味で読み取った。笑える、マジ。私も牧師さんも、二人とも日本語がペラペラやから、耳で同じ日本語を理解できたけど、読み取ったことは全然違った。これは、間違いなく、日本人の独特な国民性ーー曖昧さです。
Once I was at a church council meeting. Half the members were American and half were Japanese, but since everyone is fluent in Japanese, and this is Japan after all, we conducted the meeting entirely in Japanese. One member shared his thoughts on an important topic, and my American pastor, who has been in Japan for 39 years and is fluent in Japanese like I am, summarized for everyone what the guy was saying, But the funny thing is, what he heard the guy say, and what I heard him say was totally opposite. We both linguistically understood 100% of what was said, but we read it entirely differently. This is just one example of that uniquely Japanese character trait called aimai, or vagueness.
多くの日本人は、言いたいことを直接、はっきり言わない。失礼だと思ってるなのか、わがままだと思われたくないなのか、色んな理由で、とにかく、考えている事をはっきり言わない。日本語では、色んな英語にない、曖昧さと関係がある概念（以心伝心、腹芸、本音、建前など）がある。その概念がわからないから、外国人は日本に来ると [腹芸]がわからないから [腹立つ] 可能性が高い。日本人は何でも遠回しに話すから、結局相手は何を言いたいか分からんくなる。日本では、言わなくても、相手の言いたいことと、感じていることが分かるはずだから、直接言わなくていいだと思われている。でも問題は、外人だけじゃなくて、日本人同士でも、わけわからん時がある。外人の無知を許してくれるけど、日本人は分かっているふりをせんと。
There are many reasons the Japanese are vague. For one, speaking your true feelings forcefully is considered rude, insensitive, and selfish. There are many concepts regarding vagueness that are not present in English, including isshin deshin (kind of like a telepathy between two people), haragei (unspoken communication), and honne (your true feelings) and its evil twin tatemae (what you say in public but you are actually lying through your teeth.) Many foreigners come to Japan, and get exceedingly irritated by the indirect and vague ways of speech. I used to think it was only us, but actually, Japanese people get just as confused as we do by their own culture. Of course, they are under a lot more pressue then we are to figure it out since they are Japanese and all, so they are good at faking it.
私の好きな表現は、「空気を読む」です。英語に同じ意味している単語がないんやけど、説明すると、周りの人と雰囲気を見て（表情、ニュアンス、姿勢、やり取りなど）、どうしたらいいかとか、どう答えたらいいかとか、正しく判断すること。例えば、誰かが口で「いいよ、一緒に来ていいよ」と言っているけど、表情と姿勢で本当そう思ってないのを見て、「ああ、そうか。やめたほうがいいな」と自分が気づく。空気を読めない人は、何も気づかないまま、一緒に行って嫌がられる。その空気を読めないことは、KYと略されている。
My favorite phrase regardness vagueness is kuuki wo yomu, literally to read the atmosphere. I guess we can understand this concept in English, but don't really have a word for it. All Japanese are expected to be able to KY. For example, someone says you can come along (tatemae), but they really hate your guts and don't want you to come (honne). You are expected to be able to read facial expressions, nuance, body langauge, interaction, etc.) If you can, you figure it out and stay home; if you can't, you go along, wreck the party, and leave everyone thinking you are the worst Japanese ever. Not being able to read the atmosphere is called KY, short for kuuki wo yomenai.
日本に住んでいる人はみんな、曖昧さの影響を受けている。例えば、「今日、何を食べたい」って友達に聞いたら、「何でもいい」と答える可能性はバリバリ高い。もちろん「何でもいい」（建前）と言いながら、頭の中に「もう、またラーメン食べに行くと？嫌だ」と思ってる（本音）。私の自己中心の母国アメリカでは、ラーメンはイヤだったら、誰でもはっきり言う。自己主張は半端ない。わがままかもしれんけど、永遠に食べたくないラーメンを食べんでいいから良かろう？
This vagueness affects daily life in numerous ways. For example, if you ask a friend, "What do you want to eat?” There is an exceedingly high probabilty he will answer, "Oh, anything is ok.” Of course, anything is not ok, as that person probably hates ramen or whatever, but hey, it is selfish to put that out there so he ends up saying that anything is okay, all the while thinking to himself how sick he is of ramen. If an American doesn't want to eat ramen, she is going to tell everyone around her she doesn't want to eat ramen. Perhaps it is selfish, but at least she won't have to eat ramen everyday of her life when she is sick of it, unlike the vague Japanese guy who is eating ramen for the 10th time that week.
もう一つあまり我慢が出来ない日本人の癖がある。私は英語でJapanese Head Tilt という名を付けた。説明しようか？誰かに（特に子供か学生）質問をしたら、何も答えないで、首をゆっくりと４５度くらい右に傾ける。「どこに行きたい？」首をかしげる。「弟はどこ？」首をかしげる。ある日、我慢ができんくなったから、子供の傾いてた首を両手で持って、まっすくにした。言葉を使いなさい、お願いだから。
In addition to, "Anything is ok," there is another thing that irks me. I call it "The Japanese Head Tilt." The head tilt is my all-time most annoying habit of Japanese kids (and American kids born in Japan like mine). If you live here you know what I mean. You ask a question like, “What do you want to do?” or "Where is your brother?" And the head instantly tilts slowly 45 degrees to the right, followed by an expressionless face and no words. I broke my kids of the head tilt many years ago when I grabbed their heads, straightened them up, made them make eye contact, and forced them to use actual words.
たまに、単語の意味がしっかり把握していると思ってるけど、実は、全くわからんことに気づく。例えば、日本語の「難しい」と英語の「difficult] の意味は一緒だとずっと思い込んてた。英語で、[That is difficult] と言われたら、難しくて、しにくいかもしれんけど、できる可能性がある。でも日本語の「難しい」エコール
だめ！！無理やん！！絶対に出来んバイ！！！「それは、ちょっと難しいな」って言われたら、諦めなさい。希望もうないからさ。「それは厳しい」って言われたら、同じ。いや、難しいより可能性がないかも。もう一つは、「行けたら行く。] この文章の意味は、「日本人だから直接断れないけど、行くつもりは全くない。」これも諦めなさい。期待しないで。絶対に来ん。
Things in Japanese don't mean what you think they mean. Every Japanese textbook will tell you that muzukashii means “difficult.” Well, to me, “difficult” means well, “difficult”—not impossible. But in Japanese if you ask someone if they can do something for you, and they proceed to the head tilt, followed by sucking air through the teeth, followed by, “Sore wa muzukashii…” well, what they mean is, that is impossible and will never happen in a million years. The only thing worse is to be told something is kibishii, or strict or severe. That is way worse than muzukashii, if that is possible. Along the same lines, if some tells you iketara iku (I will go if I can), they ain't going (the redneck in me is coming out.) They a'int even remotely thinking of going. They just can't turn you down flat because it is not the polite Japanese thing to do. I guess it is more polite to lie, as long as you lie politely.
こういう曖昧さはイライラさせられるけど、まあ、大したことはない。けどさ、お医者さんの曖昧な言葉はマジヤバい。日本の病院に行くと、先生に、「えーと、それは何でやろう？」「なぜかな」「どうしたらいいかな」みたいなことをよく言われる。私と私の大事な子供の健康を任せている先生に、そういう自信がないようなことを言われると、不安は半端ない。何年か前に真ん中のアビちゃんの腕に変なしこりができた。ちょっと黒くて、触ったら痛かった。最初に小児科に連れ行って、「あれは、何かわからんけど、大したことない」って言われた。ちょっと待って、先生。それはあまり論理的な発言じゃないやん。一体どうやって大したことないってわかると？
There is nothing worse than taking your kid to the doctor and being told, “Hmm… I wonder what that bump is…” or “Let’s see, what should I do?” Japanese is full of terms like dou shiyou kana (what should I do?), naze kana (I wonder why…); nande yaroo? (I wonder why, part 2) When you are dealing with a health problem, the last thing you want is a doctor who is asking you what he should do, although it is probably a rhetorical question. Once Abby had a mysterious lump on her arm that was getting bigger and hurt. The pediatrician told us he had no idea what it was, but he was sure it was nothing. Okay, I am one who values logical thinking, that is a very illogical conclusion. If you don't know what it is, how exactly do you know it's nothing to worry about?
兎に角、そのしこりはどんどん大きくなっていて、ますます痛くなった。木曜日の午後はかかりつけ医の休診だったけん（日本の病院のわけわからん平日の休診は腹立つなあ）インターネットで見つけた、開いている皮膚科の専門医に連れて行った。病院に入った時に、インテリアは１９６０年代に建てられた時と全く変わってないようだった。先生は、まあ、８５歳くらいかな。日本人は若く見えるから、もしかしら９５歳だった。先生は、アビの腕を触って、混乱した顔をしながら、「あれ、何やろう？見たことないな。けど、一応薬を出します。よくならんかったら、専門家に連れて行った方がいいよ。」と言いました。この発言は、信じられないことだらけだった。言ってあげようか？じゃ、まず、見たことないのに、何で薬を出すの、先生？？恐ろしい、マジ。次に、先生、病院の前の看板に「皮膚科」と書いてあるんですけど、字が小さいから、専門家じゃなくて、興味があるだけという意味ですか。やっぱり、専門家じゃなかろう？この経験は、相当いいブログのネタになるに違いないと思いながら、病院を出た。もちろん、もらった薬を使ったわけじゃない。
The lump got bigger and started causing her more pain. Since it was Thursday afternoon and her regular doctor was closed (don't get me started on the weird operating hours of Japanese hospitals,) I took her to a random dermatologist I found on the internet. Bad idea. The interior looked the same as I am sure it did when it was built in the 1960s, and the doctor was like 85. Well, Japanese people look young, so he was probably 95. Anyway, the dermatologist (pay attention to the bold) seriously said to us, “Hmm. I have never seen anything like that, but oh well, here is some medicine. You should take her to a specialist if it doesn't get better.” There are problems with that statement on so many levels, beginning with the fact that he was giving her medicine for a lump he had never seen before in his life. And even though his sign said "dermatologist," I guess because it was written in smaller letters, he was just an internal medical doctor who dabbled in dermatology in his free time. I left the hospital thinking what great blog material this was gonna be. And no, we didn't use the medicine.
結局、自分の宗像市の病院を信用できないことを気づいて、前住んでいた北九州市の好きな皮膚科にアビちゃんを連れて行った。あの先生は、アビの腕を見てすぐ、「それは大したことない。心配せんでいい」と言った。私は、「先生、どうやってそれをわかると？」って聞いたら、自信満々で「経験」と答えた。このプライドが高い先生がバリバリ好きなあと思った。やっぱり、プライドが高い先生を信用できる。一切曖昧な言葉は使ってないから、バリバリ信じていいとわかった。で、しこりを取った後の細胞検査の結果で、先生が言った通り、大したことなかった。
So, we gave up on doctors in Munakata, and went to an arrogant doctor in our former town. He took one look at the lump and said, “Aww that is nothing. Don't worry about it." I asked him how he knew that and he replied, “Experience.” I love that guy. There is not an ounce of vagueness in his body, and that was comforting to me. He was oozing arrogance and pride, and arrogance and pride is what I am looking for in a doctor. We took Abby to a surgeon, had the lump removed, and like he said, it really was nothing.
日本の世界観も曖昧。多くの日本人に、「死んだら、どうなる？」って聞いたら、すぐ答えられない。天国に行くと思う人が多いけど、天国はどういうところとか、誰が行けるとか、あまりわからない感じ。去年、1人の学生の答えは、「死んで見ないとわからん」だった。まあ、天国に行くかどうかわからんけど、それをはっきり言えたから曖昧な答えじゃなかろう？「天国に行けたらいいな」とか「死んだら、お婆ちゃんに会えたらいいな」みたいな答えが多い。ある日、友達は、「アンちゃん、私たち日本人は（クリスチャンの）アンちゃんみたいに確信がない。」と言った。確かに、クリスチャンは天国に行く確信がある。私は、「行けたらいいな」と思ってことがない。で、友達は、「わからないこと、曖昧なことが快適。それでいい。確信なくてもいい。」みたいなことを言った。何で曖昧さのほうが快適なのかと考え始めた。そこで、日本のガン患者を思い出した。もしかしたら曖昧さが快適だから、最近まで患者さんは、ガンになったことを知りたくなかった。もしかしたら、無知は、ものを知ることより幸せ？この質問に答えがあれば教えて欲しいな。
I have found that this aimai affects even the Japanese worldview. If you ask most Japanese if they believe in an afterlife, or what will happen after they die, or if they believe in God, they hesitate before they answer. A student once said to me, "I won't know till I die, will I?" She may have no idea about heaven, but she is sure she has no idea. No vagueness there. But you are more likely to hear answers like, “I sure hope there is a heaven,” “I want to believe that I will see my Grandmother in the next life,” or “”It would be good if there is a god.” There is little assurance in Japanese religion of the afterlife. My friend once said to me, "Annechan, we Japanese don't have the assurance of heaven like you and other Christians do." To be sure, Christians are sure they are going to heaven. I don't think I have ever thought to myself, "I hope there is a heaven." My friend went on to say, "Things we don't know, things that are vague are more comfortable for us than assurance." I often wonder why Japanese think like this. Then I thought about Japanese cancer patients, who until recently were rarely told of their diagnosis. Maybe ignorance brings more happiness than knowledge to them? If anyone has an answer to my question, I would love to hear it.
私は、長く日本に在住している日本人になりかけ外人やけど、なかなか曖昧さにはなれない。もちろん直接色々言ってもらいたい時が多いけど、曖昧さは日本人の国民性だから、多分すぐにははっきり言ってくれるようにはならない。曖昧さはイライラさせられることがあるけど、人の気持ちを守る時もある。好きな人を傷つけたくなかったり、自分よりも相手のことを考えたりするから、曖昧さには良い点も沢山ある。よく直接自分の気持ちを言い過ぎ、わがままなアメリカ人は、日本の曖昧に見習ったほうが良かろう？ただ、病院の先生は、もうちょっとしっかりして欲しい。見たことのないしこりを治すために、適当に薬を出さんで欲しいな。
I have lived in Japan for a long time, and am turning more and more Japanese everyday. And yet, I just can't just used to the vagueness in Japanese culture. Of course I would prefer for people to be more direct in their communication with me, but hey, the Japanese have been like this for years, it is their national character, and they are not about to change it anytime soon. While there are many times this vagueness can be maddening, there are times I respect it as well. For example, at times they are vague because they don't want to be selfish or to hurt the feelings of someone they love. Perhaps some crazy opinionated, selfish Americans could watch and learn some things from the vague Japanese. Of course, if a crazy 95-year old imposter dermatologist is trying to give your kid medicine for a something he has never seen, you need to put your foot down.
