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Friend
2024-07-05 18:00:00
In Buddhism, it is taught to carefully discern whom to befriend and whom not to befriend.
For example, the following principles can be found in the early Buddhist scriptures of Shakyamuni Buddha:
47 Indeed, we praise the happiness of having friends. One should associate with friends who are superior or equal to oneself. If such friends are not found, enjoy a life free from faults and walk alone like a rhinoceros horn.
58 Associate with learned and discerning friends who understand the truth. Knowing various beneficial things and dispelling doubts, walk alone like a rhinoceros horn.
Additionally, in other Buddhist scriptures, it is also taught about the unwholesome friends that Buddhist practitioners should avoid associating with.
37 When you show pity to friends and close companions and become emotionally attached, you lose your own benefit. Observing the dangers in such attachments, walk alone like a rhinoceros horn. (Words of the Buddha, Sutta Nipata, Chapter 1: The Snake, 3: The Rhinoceros Horn, translated by Hajime Nakamura, Iwanami-Bunko)
253 Forgetting or ignoring shame , and despite claiming, "I am your friend," yet refusing to take on the tasks they can accomplish, such a person should be recognized as "not a friend." (Words of the Buddha, Sutta Nipata, Chapter 2: The Lesser Chapter, 3: Shame, translated by Hajime Nakamura, Iwanami-Bunko)
Other early Buddhist scriptures also teach about the qualities of true friends and the necessity of discerning them.
1 The people whom those with clear wisdom should not associate with as friends are those who lack faith, are stingy, use double speech, and take pleasure in others' ruin. Associating with wicked people is bad.
2 The people whom those with clear wisdom should associate with as friends are those who have faith, are pleasant, have good conduct, and are well-learned. Indeed, it is good to associate with virtuous people.
11 Whatever friends one makes and whatever people one associates with, one eventually becomes like those friends. This is what it means to associate with people.
21 A wise enemy is better than a foolish friend who sympathizes (once becoming a friend). A foolish friend who sympathizes drags people into hell (by teaching bad things). (Words of the Inspired, Udanavarga, Chapter 25: Friends, translated by Hajime Nakamura, Iwanami-Bunko)
So, as you can see, it is taught that whether a Buddhist practitioner chooses certain people as friends or not determines the correctness of their practice.
Incidentally, during Shakyamuni Buddha's lifetime, the Sangha existed as a concrete form of a group of good friends, and belonging to the Sangha was proof of being surrounded by good friends.
This ensured that the monastic life was considered superior to the lay life.
However, today, the Sangha has practically disappeared, and even if someone with a sincere heart wishes to renounce the world to seek enlightenment, there is no place for them to go.
For this reason, it is now considered that both monastics and laypeople are under the same conditions regarding enlightenment (= liberation).
Therefore, whether modern Buddhist practitioners can steadily approach enlightenment depends on whether they have the discernment to distinguish good friends according to the true meaning of the principles regarding friends.
To achieve this, one must accumulate merit.
This is because only those who have firmly accumulated merit can recognize good friends, find the singular path leading to Nirvana, accumulate even more merit, and ultimately achieve Buddhahood.
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