How amazing it is, to play with an artist whose music I enjoy so much that I wish I could be in the front row, watching the show from outside.
After having been through some tough and rough, emotional and traumatic events this summer, just like anyone else on earth these days, I was a bit overwhelmed and stressed to play music with someone new.
I met Wallis Bird earlier this year, when she was looking for a drummer for the tour coming up this Fall. Izzy Ment, who opened the door to Berlin’s Indie Music Scene for me, mentioned my name to Wallis and soon after we had our first meeting over a coffee. I don’t remember how we dove right into deep stuff but I guess we just have similar interest or mind set, we cracked our conversation about feminism and musicality and artistic philosophy or whatever. I had already listened to her music on Spotify and Youtube, loved it. I was hoping to play with her but I didn’t hear from her since.
Then one day she wrote to me, asking if I can play with her on a weekend in August. I liked how she wrote me with details and everything. And of course, I said YES.
It makes the job so easy when you love the music you learn. As soon as the gig was confirmed, I played Wallis’s album all day long, enjoying it. Until I can easily sing the whole song myself.
At this point, I am fairly new in the Indie scene, and I am not playing regularly with anybody. Instead, I am getting calls to substitute for someone, and it is quite stressful for someone who takes so much time to learn a song. And usually, it takes me a gig to fully understand a song.
Playing a song on stage is so much different from practicing a song by yourself. You really need to prepare yourself, understanding what takes you to really know the song. Sometimes it’s the Lyric line. Sometimes it’s a guitar riff. Sometimes it’s the chord progression.
Simple songs have definite chord progressions that leads you easily to play along. But original music sometimes has unusual progression that flips and tricks you.
As a musician with jazz, blues and jam background, I can tell how the song goes. If the song is written in organic way. The hits even makes sense by itself. And I can play it without knowing it. This is definitely something I learned over the years of jamming on and off stage. For that, some people call me “intuition monster”.
When I prepared for Wallis, I wasn’t sure how much I prepare myself to play exactly what’s on the album. The duo rehearsal was rescheduled to only 5days before the show and there I finally learned how and what she is particular about. She is someone who listens so closely to what you are doing, and try numbers of different things until you get the groove. On the day before the show, we had a band rehearsal and finally I met the bass player, as well as my door keeper, Izzy. We tried to rock with each other, and ran the songs.
But I didn’t know what was going to happen really, until we got on stage.
Izzy had told me how amazing Wallis grabs audience so instantly.
She started the show alone, casually got on the stage and threw a few words, then on and on, as if it was her stand up comedy show. I could tell everyone loved her already.
And she sang. A capella.
It was such a warm, organic, and welcoming energy she created. She invites audience to sing along.
Then she brings us up on the stage, we start playing gently, with extended intro to warm up and really connect with each other.
Then, it felt all so familiar to me.
I know what to do, I thought.
I just need to be here.
I don’t have to worry about if I prepared myself enough.
All I have to do is to listen to what she is doing, and play with her.
And put everything I have into it.
I know the music well already, and they are well-written so it tells you what to do.
And she plays the guitar and sings so passionately, so convincingly, that you know what comes up next.
Once again, I thank god for such a talent, and I was grateful for this opportunity to play with her and get a bit confused to be on the stage.
Not in the audience.
How lucky am I??? How did I happen to be here???
But I know what I do.
Show went on and on, with her breaking so many guitar strings.
So many accidents, recovering, emotions, and healing.
I was already emotional for the fact that I could come back to the state of confidence in such manner.
I do care for this music and this person so much, and I do my best, and I really don’t care what happens after.
Then she started one of my favourite songs, solo.
Her energy was reaching out even to the side stage where we watched her playing, that I didn’t know how to stop my tears.
It was like her energy resonated in my body and opened my heart and released my last bits of unsolved emotions, and simply filled the void, all at once.
Then finally I came to fully accept it.
It is none of my business, how people like me or don’t like me for what I do when I put myself all into it.
I know what went wrong, I know how to fix it. I know I can do better next time.
I don’t need anybody to confirm what we are doing is cool, because I know what’s good.
I know, that I know it.
I know that I have it.
I trust the musicians on the stage.
No matter what happens, we know what to do.
And after all, I surrender. Because it’s all fine, whatever happens.
And this is how life works.
I trust that things are happening for its reasons no matter how bad and harmful it seems.
And whatever happens, I am fine.
Nothing is really hurting me.
I don’t have to do anything to it.
Let it happen.
Let go.
You dive into it, go deep, and surrender.
Give yourself fully, no matter how scary it is.
Because after all, that’s the only way I know what love is.