i started today feeling quite blissful except for the fact that i was sleepy. it's weird, for the past 2-3 days, my sleep is rather restless. i'd feel that i have slept for a long time but actually it's only a few hours but when i finally wake up, i feel like i haven't slept enough.
anyways, enough of that, i had an internal meeting with my team this morning and i guess it started from that meeting that i felt 'incapable.' i hate that feeling -- feeling incapable and hopeless and the kind.
my boss was commenting on some of the sub-project coordinators and the members on how some of them are not performing. this person is actually not performing.. bla bla bla. and that person is bla bla bla. of course the people are not in the room. so i can't help but think what would he say of me if i were not in the room. i wonder if he ever commented on me -- whether good or bad comment -- when i'm not around.
i thought several times about office politics. i dislike politics. maybe watching it from afar is fun sometimes but i would hate to get involve in it. but actually politics is everywhere, even at home. but after thinking about it, i guess -at least - office politics is inevitable. if you dislike your colleague, how can you tell him/her right in their face that you dislike him/her? of course we still have to treat that person nice, after all you still have to work with him indefinitely. sometimes thinking of what people really think about you -- not just the surface -- and their underlying motives can drive you crazy.
ok i'm getting out of track here. anyways, my boss wants me to present the progress update to the BOD probably next week. how?! i'm not confident doing that, especially presenting it to the BOD. huhuhu. i told him 'we'll see' when he asked me that. so we'll see. *finger crossed* in a way, i want that chance to measure my capability and prove myself that i'm not so incapable after all. but in another way, i feel that i really am not ready to do that. God, help me!