APARTMENT
(Ted sitting on couch reading magazine, Ted hears squeaking and tiny footstep noises, Barney barges into the apartment_
Barney: Ted, hurry, you gotta help me. My boat is sinking.
Ted: What?
Barney: My boat is sinking.
Ted: You have a boat?
Yes, I bought a boat last year at a police auction. I just got a call from a guy down at the marina that it's leaning starboard at a 45 degree angle. If I don't get there right now, it's gonna capsize. Now, come on!
(Ted and Barney run out of the apartment)
OFFICE
(Ted and Barney are filling out applications for Love Solutions)
Ted: Your boat is sinking. That was good.
Barney: Come on, Ted, this is an incredible opportunity. We'll meet our soulmates, nail 'em and never call them again. (chuckles)
(Ellen enters the office)
Ellen: All finished, gentlemen? Congratulations, you have just taken your very first step.
Barney: Gosh, thanks, Ellen. I sure hope this works. I'm so done with the single life, all the games, the meaningless sex.
Ellen: You deserve more.
Barney: That is so true, Ellen. I really think I'm ready to stop being a me and start being a we.
Hey, is there anyway I can let it be known that I love cuddling?
(Ellen, Ted and Barney sit around desk)
Ellen: Oh, of course you can. That is so...
Barney: It's kinda hard to talk about with Ted here, but I just want someone who's not afraid to hold me at night when the tears come. Ellen, can you help me find her?
Ellen: Get out.
Barney: What?
Ellen: I get 15 guys like you every week. Jerks who just want to meet vulnerable women, nail 'em and never call them again.
Barney: Oh my God, people do that.
Ellen: You wanna do this the easy way or the hard way?
Barney: What's the hard way? Security roughs me up and tosses me out?
Ellen: That's the easy way. The hard way is that I stomp the crap out of you myself.
(Barney looks like he doesn't believe her, Ellen stands up quickly, Barney stands up to run away)
Barney: OK, Ted, let's go.
(Ted gets up to leave)
Ellen: Not you, you stay.
(Ted and Ellen sit back down)
Ellen: You're cute. You're an architect. Good career and you didn't use an obvious alias on your application like your friend, Jack Package.
Barney (through office door): It's pronounced 'Pa-kojj.'
Ellen: Get outta here!
(Barney runs away)
