What's ahead in 2013
A growing movement will dub the year to be treacherously unlucky. Superstitious data czars will respond by simply calling the year This confuses computer systems and triggers an electronic crisis bigger than Y2K. Local newspapers dub this the 13
In 2013, Portlanders will no longer think 82nd Avenue is in Gresham. Many will still think 122nd Avenue is.
In my neighborhood, the city will have a hotline to call when you DON f nike free herr ind a pothole.
Beep beep beep: yeah, I found some smooth road on 114th and Pacific. Can you guys bring some jackhammers and take care of that?
It will become a bit less popular to emphasize by putting a Period. After. Every. Word.
People will continue to use when they mean (Last year, a TV newscaster described people literally glued to their TV screens. Literally. Glued. To. TV. Screens.)
In 2013, any job woes unresolved by Nike will be fixed with one mega project: The Columbia Coal Coliseum Convention Casino Crossing. It will be hailed a triumph until a surprising collection of accountants, bicyclists, recyclers and small government activists gather to throw green tea off the East Bank Esplanade.
The Tea Party will sweep the nation. They will sell T shirts.
Also in 2013, we will open an off leash chicken park for backyard farmers.
The word will be coined. Just was.
Various eateries and food carts will try to compete by serving dishes Style.
In politics during 2013, Nick Fish, Dan Saltzman and Charlie Hales will contend that they are not the same person. They will successfully rebut the criticism that Portlanders fixate on being cool and hip. Former politicians will attempt to disguise their bitterness behind a thin veil of humorous commentary.
In 2013, newspaper online comment sections will be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize . . . when the comment sections go silent.
The nomination will be withdrawn when it is learned that the silence stemmed from computer servers being down, caused by the Y2K 13 e Pocalypse.
Jefferson Smith, a state legislator from East Portland, recently lost the Portland mayoral race and promptly bought a bunch of chickens for his back yard.
Soon on display: Artifacts from 2013
By Kerry Tymchuk
I spend a great deal of time dealing with the artifacts of Oregon past treasures like the branding iron carried by Meriwether Lewis, the 1857 original draft of the preamble of the Oregon Constitution and the first American flag sewn in Oregon.
Here, with my tongue firmly in my cheek, are some Portland artifacts from 2013 that might eventually j nike free herr oin our collection:
The last surviving Republican in Multnomah County
The first food cart to receive the coveted three star rating from the Michelin Guide
The Benson Bubbler that dispenses the first drop of fluoridated water in Portland
The menu from The Flourides of March, the first food cart to feature recipes using you know what
The Emmy Award given to in the category of Best Documentary
Transcripts of the debates on the possible size and style of the Columbia Crossing Bridge (to be added to a collection that already covers several acres in our 100,000 square foot warehouse)