Dear LA.
I loved you but I hated you. Now I'm starting to like you again. After leaving you.
I can't believe I finally left this town. I had a love and hate kinda relationship with you. City of Angels. People call you so but I was always wondering where the Angels were. I tried so hard. So hard to breakthrough. Just like anybody who left home to make it happen. In your premises. But seemed that you were kinda cold to me. As if I wasn't even there. Like I didn't even exist. You made me wanna try harder for awhile. But I couldn't be a fool for that long. I stopped trying in vain. Or did I???
Probably I lost my way. I began to doubt myself because I never felt I was legit. Or I was even qualified. There were many talents and creative ones and I would like to believe I was one of them. But the truth is I wasn't. In my mind. I was overwhelmed because I just felt I wasn't even up to their levels and I felt ashamed. Ashamed? Whose feeling is this? Was I really ashamed? Or did I learn to feel ashamed when I supposed to? And when is the trigger? When do I suppose to feel it?
All the inner dialogues were occupying my mind and killing my essence. I hated that I was labeling myself. Then feeling like a victim. And then feeling the void. Yep, those are the common feelings I had while I lived in the capital of entertainment. But I put the period on fighting my way when I left. Or it just stopped when I left. Woke up from my bad dream.
I hated you for awhile but you gave me a platform to work on my crafts. All that I contained in me. So after all, I'm thankful for that. Now that I don't live there, I feel I've been relieved by all that crap. How interesting! Things can change if you change your view. Literally. So try that. I will keep doing that.
After all, I thank you for growing me. You was a bitch but I appreciate.