みなさま、こんにちわ。
Actually, I've thought of quitting being the president of the class and being the secretary of this certain training.
Here are some of the reasons:
-I want to prioritize my studies (especially English subject 'coz I like it) so I want to have good concentration on them.
I want my time to be spent most on my studies.
-I want to study in the advance the course that I like.
- I don't actually want to tell my classmates off to do this and that
Being a president and the secretary of the training gives me load and anxiety will sometimes come to me.
As a president, I thought the right thing
that I should do is to tell off my classmates and tell them that what they are doing isn't right to the eyes of the society. I thought they must realize their "mistake" by telling them off.
I kept on repeating the same thing. But they don't do things as what I have ordered them to do (for example, to form straight lines and volume down their voices when talking 'coz it is noisy and classes from other classrooms might be disturbed).
Oh I remember what my cute teacher said to me and the commander in a meeting,
"They'll not listen and do what you say unless you tell them the reason why they have to follow your orders."
I usually only order my classmates to stop being noisy and etc. but I do not explain to them the very reason.
It is probably because I am scared of being laughed at (I can't express verbally well my some of my reasons ;especially long explanation, and I sound broken or my talk isn't logically arranged).
Or I assume that nobody listens and understands what I say. Or sometimes I forget the reason I tell them off. Ughh. I don't know exactly why I don't explain to them the reason I tell them off.
It is placed in my unconscious mind, that's probably why... it's deep... Let me try to find out that reason and motive later.
Me not explaining to them the reason,,, probably that is why they don't listen and follow my orders. So do I have to tell them the reason why?
I've thought of quitting as president and an officer. But my other self tries to stop me.
My 2st self says
"Try to remember your せんぱい before who is valedictorian. In her high school years, she's the president of the class, always top class, and even got high ranking as an officer of the training. Don't you think that is a lot of responsibility she was carrying? Yet she could smile, and you didn't see her frowning.
She almost accepts anything assigned to her, without complaining. It's as though she feels good everytime a task is given to her.
That is probably because she finds beauty despite her situation ( there are a lot of things to do) . Isn't that person beautiful?
Wouldn't it be nice to find beauty in your current situation? Don't you want to become like that? Don't quit"
Yes. I want to become a person who 100% don't complain.
I want to find beauty in everything that I do and receive.
But my 3rd self asks
"don't you want to become original? Don't you want to be yourself? You do not want to copy right? You can quit if you want to be original..."
Another self tells me
"If you quit, you might regret it. Then, you might complain [I'm bored. I have few things to do. I want to do many things. I shouldn't have quit]".
It is difficult to satisfy myself. I have many wants. And I have motives. It's normal as human.
Actually, I've thought of quitting being the president of the class and being the secretary of this certain training.
Here are some of the reasons:
-I want to prioritize my studies (especially English subject 'coz I like it) so I want to have good concentration on them.
I want my time to be spent most on my studies.
-I want to study in the advance the course that I like.
- I don't actually want to tell my classmates off to do this and that
Being a president and the secretary of the training gives me load and anxiety will sometimes come to me.
As a president, I thought the right thing
that I should do is to tell off my classmates and tell them that what they are doing isn't right to the eyes of the society. I thought they must realize their "mistake" by telling them off.
I kept on repeating the same thing. But they don't do things as what I have ordered them to do (for example, to form straight lines and volume down their voices when talking 'coz it is noisy and classes from other classrooms might be disturbed).
Oh I remember what my cute teacher said to me and the commander in a meeting,
"They'll not listen and do what you say unless you tell them the reason why they have to follow your orders."
I usually only order my classmates to stop being noisy and etc. but I do not explain to them the very reason.
It is probably because I am scared of being laughed at (I can't express verbally well my some of my reasons ;especially long explanation, and I sound broken or my talk isn't logically arranged).
Or I assume that nobody listens and understands what I say. Or sometimes I forget the reason I tell them off. Ughh. I don't know exactly why I don't explain to them the reason I tell them off.
It is placed in my unconscious mind, that's probably why... it's deep... Let me try to find out that reason and motive later.
Me not explaining to them the reason,,, probably that is why they don't listen and follow my orders. So do I have to tell them the reason why?
I've thought of quitting as president and an officer. But my other self tries to stop me.
My 2st self says
"Try to remember your せんぱい before who is valedictorian. In her high school years, she's the president of the class, always top class, and even got high ranking as an officer of the training. Don't you think that is a lot of responsibility she was carrying? Yet she could smile, and you didn't see her frowning.
She almost accepts anything assigned to her, without complaining. It's as though she feels good everytime a task is given to her.
That is probably because she finds beauty despite her situation ( there are a lot of things to do) . Isn't that person beautiful?
Wouldn't it be nice to find beauty in your current situation? Don't you want to become like that? Don't quit"
Yes. I want to become a person who 100% don't complain.
I want to find beauty in everything that I do and receive.
But my 3rd self asks
"don't you want to become original? Don't you want to be yourself? You do not want to copy right? You can quit if you want to be original..."
Another self tells me
"If you quit, you might regret it. Then, you might complain [I'm bored. I have few things to do. I want to do many things. I shouldn't have quit]".
It is difficult to satisfy myself. I have many wants. And I have motives. It's normal as human.
Yesterday 6:00 PM, I got out from the school. My father hasn't arrived yet.
My classmate (bulldog), other 2 girls from the class section me went to Haylee's (short girl from other class section) shop. There we sat in the bench and they ordered some food. While waiting for the food to be served, they talked with one another, sharing their experiences, laughing.
Then, it was getting dark.
I enjoyed listening to their experiences for 30 minutes.
And then, I asked them one question.
"I observed you 3 are close to one another. always being together... why?"
I wanted to hear their history.
"Yeah"
and one of them joked , "It started with a ..hahaha"
Then, the seller, Haylee, who is my schoolmate (also has the same level as us but is around 3 years older than us) answered my question.
"U wanna kow why? It's because they understand one another. :-) "
Understanding...
みなさま、I was awakened by her answer.
I used and thought that word many times already for generalization like "Understanding is one of the components to having peace among people in this world."
But even so, I think I've never thought like
"mutual understanding is the key to having CLOSE friends (I mean always being together) or making the bond between friends be tight.
Or maybe, because my mind is full of other thoughts it made me forget about it?
iPhoneからの投稿
My classmate (bulldog), other 2 girls from the class section me went to Haylee's (short girl from other class section) shop. There we sat in the bench and they ordered some food. While waiting for the food to be served, they talked with one another, sharing their experiences, laughing.
Then, it was getting dark.
I enjoyed listening to their experiences for 30 minutes.
And then, I asked them one question.
"I observed you 3 are close to one another. always being together... why?"
I wanted to hear their history.
"Yeah"
and one of them joked , "It started with a ..hahaha"
Then, the seller, Haylee, who is my schoolmate (also has the same level as us but is around 3 years older than us) answered my question.
"U wanna kow why? It's because they understand one another. :-) "
Understanding...
みなさま、I was awakened by her answer.
I used and thought that word many times already for generalization like "Understanding is one of the components to having peace among people in this world."
But even so, I think I've never thought like
"mutual understanding is the key to having CLOSE friends (I mean always being together) or making the bond between friends be tight.
Or maybe, because my mind is full of other thoughts it made me forget about it?
iPhoneからの投稿
Yesterday evening, I had a slight headache, sleepy, tired, my legs hurt and I have to finish my homework and do researching for me to be able to defend our proposal to the principal regarding the study.
I have a partner. She's my bright classmate. According to her, next should be my turn to do the talking to the principal because she did a lot of talking
She said to me after the two of us were interviewed by the principal in the afternoon to change the title of our study. And that I have to research more about he history of recycling and about the study.
"OK. I have researched about it few days ago but it seemed to me I couldn't find articles about recycling that can be related to our study... there seems to be less information on the internet... tonight I will be researching about it again", I said to her.
"It's going to be difficult", I thought.
In the evening, I finished my home work and didn't study the subjects. I changed my priorities and I spent 2 hours on researching about related articles of the study to be conducted by us.
I really wanted to finish this task because I was sleepy and tired. But the internet connection didn't really cooperate with me.
I went to my mother and lay down on the bed beside her.
I told her I have a lot of things to do. And my face looked troubled.
She said like in a joking tone "ohh~ what is wrong with my baby?"
and then "how can I help you~?"
"You want to help me? You can help me by spending your money for me (buy things according to my orders)", I replied.
My mother who has saggy boobs rolled her eyes.
And I, with sleepy face started crying.
I got out from the bed and started researching again on the internet. Still, the internet connection was very slow and I have only read very few articles about recycling and I didn't really understand about it. To be able to defend the proposal well, I have to understand it so that I can state my reasons well and clearly.
I told about my situation to my partner by sending a text message to her. She always said "ahaha don't worry! You can do it!"
And her messages kind of implies this statement: "It is okay even if you can't research a lot of things about it!"
Well, I didn't 100% trust her words and my thought "it is okay". IT IS NOT OKAY was my other self's thinking.
While reading some articles, I was feeling like "I can't do it". Because I don't understand what was written there. It is probably because of my mind which is tired and lack of sleep.
Finally, I decided to sleep. I decided to wake up at 4:00 AM for I have things to do. The clock for that time alarmed. But I set it to silence and decided to get up at 5:00 AM.
"I can't really do it" was my thinking.
Today
During the first period of the class which is physic, my partner and I were excused for we have to go to the principal's office to present the title. I thought I also have to explain it. And the thought that I should explain it made me quite nervous. But my skin didn't become cold. Probably it is because of my partner telling me, "Don't you be worried and be nervous, Ding! I'm here beside you!".
When we arrived at the principal's officer, we waited there for about probably 20 minutes. And during the meeting with the principal..............
All we did was to present the title. And the principal approved it. Maybe it was like 3 mintues only. The principal seemed to like the title.
"E? What about my tears I shed yesterday evening?", I thought.
At the end, my partner was laughing at me.
"hahahaha I told you don't you worry!"
And she tried to cheer me up by saying "aa the principal liked our title and you're actually the one who made it!! :)"
But I thought, "you are the one who suggested to make it simple... WE are actually the ones who made it. It's a combination of your idea and mine".
Having the thought of "this title is the combination of your idea and mine", I felt glad. I didn't want her idea to always prevail. And I didn't want my idea to always prevail too. It's just something like neutral. :-)
I don't want all the heavy loads to be on her shoulders. I also dont want all the heavy loads to be on my shoulders. I want balance. I want us to have a share of responsibility. If we have this, I think it is fair for me and her.
The nervous feeling I carried faded as we walked along the corridor with relieved and happy feeling towards our classroom.
"Thank you. I want to do my best more.", I thought.
Today is 8/1/13. It is the first day of the month. And I would like to be better than I was during the previous days"
I have a partner. She's my bright classmate. According to her, next should be my turn to do the talking to the principal because she did a lot of talking
She said to me after the two of us were interviewed by the principal in the afternoon to change the title of our study. And that I have to research more about he history of recycling and about the study.
"OK. I have researched about it few days ago but it seemed to me I couldn't find articles about recycling that can be related to our study... there seems to be less information on the internet... tonight I will be researching about it again", I said to her.
"It's going to be difficult", I thought.
In the evening, I finished my home work and didn't study the subjects. I changed my priorities and I spent 2 hours on researching about related articles of the study to be conducted by us.
I really wanted to finish this task because I was sleepy and tired. But the internet connection didn't really cooperate with me.
I went to my mother and lay down on the bed beside her.
I told her I have a lot of things to do. And my face looked troubled.
She said like in a joking tone "ohh~ what is wrong with my baby?"
and then "how can I help you~?"
"You want to help me? You can help me by spending your money for me (buy things according to my orders)", I replied.
My mother who has saggy boobs rolled her eyes.
And I, with sleepy face started crying.
I got out from the bed and started researching again on the internet. Still, the internet connection was very slow and I have only read very few articles about recycling and I didn't really understand about it. To be able to defend the proposal well, I have to understand it so that I can state my reasons well and clearly.
I told about my situation to my partner by sending a text message to her. She always said "ahaha don't worry! You can do it!"
And her messages kind of implies this statement: "It is okay even if you can't research a lot of things about it!"
Well, I didn't 100% trust her words and my thought "it is okay". IT IS NOT OKAY was my other self's thinking.
While reading some articles, I was feeling like "I can't do it". Because I don't understand what was written there. It is probably because of my mind which is tired and lack of sleep.
Finally, I decided to sleep. I decided to wake up at 4:00 AM for I have things to do. The clock for that time alarmed. But I set it to silence and decided to get up at 5:00 AM.
"I can't really do it" was my thinking.
Today
During the first period of the class which is physic, my partner and I were excused for we have to go to the principal's office to present the title. I thought I also have to explain it. And the thought that I should explain it made me quite nervous. But my skin didn't become cold. Probably it is because of my partner telling me, "Don't you be worried and be nervous, Ding! I'm here beside you!".
When we arrived at the principal's officer, we waited there for about probably 20 minutes. And during the meeting with the principal..............
All we did was to present the title. And the principal approved it. Maybe it was like 3 mintues only. The principal seemed to like the title.
"E? What about my tears I shed yesterday evening?", I thought.
At the end, my partner was laughing at me.
"hahahaha I told you don't you worry!"
And she tried to cheer me up by saying "aa the principal liked our title and you're actually the one who made it!! :)"
But I thought, "you are the one who suggested to make it simple... WE are actually the ones who made it. It's a combination of your idea and mine".
Having the thought of "this title is the combination of your idea and mine", I felt glad. I didn't want her idea to always prevail. And I didn't want my idea to always prevail too. It's just something like neutral. :-)
I don't want all the heavy loads to be on her shoulders. I also dont want all the heavy loads to be on my shoulders. I want balance. I want us to have a share of responsibility. If we have this, I think it is fair for me and her.
The nervous feeling I carried faded as we walked along the corridor with relieved and happy feeling towards our classroom.
"Thank you. I want to do my best more.", I thought.
Today is 8/1/13. It is the first day of the month. And I would like to be better than I was during the previous days"
"You'll be the one to explain it.", my partner said to me.
*gulps*
Okay, this first period in the morning, we'll be eexcused and we need to go to the principal's officers and sit there and answer the questions of the principal regarding our study.
Yesterday, my partner mostly did the talking.
And this makes me feel uncomfortable.
I want to talk. But I have no good ideas about it, probably.
The study has been suggested by my partner, not me.
A kind of study that I want is a combination of Psychology and Physics. I only want a study. But my partner wants a study and a product to be made. It must be all about Physics.
I agreed with what she said.
But I don't have much interest in Physics.
I thought I want to add aomething that is part of my interest. But... I can't say it to her. There are some things to be consideredですから。So it makes me decided not to say "why don't we change it?"
Defending what should we be researching, I do not have enough confidence for it.
For me to be able to successfully gain the favor of the principal to approve this study, I need a lot of information about out study.
I tried to do so, but yesterday's interconnection didn't cooperate with me.
So I felt the confidence in myself has been decreased.
I said about this to my partner.
But my partner always reply me (through text), "ahahaha donmt worry, we can do that"
いいなー
I salute her being optimistic despite having a lot of load on her shoulders.
I often see her smile.
いいなー
iPhoneからの投稿
*gulps*
Okay, this first period in the morning, we'll be eexcused and we need to go to the principal's officers and sit there and answer the questions of the principal regarding our study.
Yesterday, my partner mostly did the talking.
And this makes me feel uncomfortable.
I want to talk. But I have no good ideas about it, probably.
The study has been suggested by my partner, not me.
A kind of study that I want is a combination of Psychology and Physics. I only want a study. But my partner wants a study and a product to be made. It must be all about Physics.
I agreed with what she said.
But I don't have much interest in Physics.
I thought I want to add aomething that is part of my interest. But... I can't say it to her. There are some things to be consideredですから。So it makes me decided not to say "why don't we change it?"
Defending what should we be researching, I do not have enough confidence for it.
For me to be able to successfully gain the favor of the principal to approve this study, I need a lot of information about out study.
I tried to do so, but yesterday's interconnection didn't cooperate with me.
So I felt the confidence in myself has been decreased.
I said about this to my partner.
But my partner always reply me (through text), "ahahaha donmt worry, we can do that"
いいなー
I salute her being optimistic despite having a lot of load on her shoulders.
I often see her smile.
いいなー
iPhoneからの投稿
Although I said to myself that I'd do my best to think positively... now it seems that I can't.
I'm always imprisoned in my mind. Me, him, her, you.
When is the time that we're really going to be free from any trouble, negative things?
... I think I just lack of sleep. But I can't sleep now. It is still 8:41 PM and I have important things to do for tomorrow.
I have to try to cheer myself up. Oh and of corz have enough confidence.
I will finish all earlier so that I will have less worries and work to do.
God! Please help me!
iPhoneからの投稿
This 12:30 PM, I and my partner will be defending our study.
Can we do it and will the principal approve to conduct this study of ours?
とうさんんんたすけてーーーーーーー!
I need Ur brain!!!!!!!
Can we do it and will the principal approve to conduct this study of ours?
とうさんんんたすけてーーーーーーー!
I need Ur brain!!!!!!!
Today, I will be posting some pictures of yesterday's part 2 game.
The basin contains centavos, water and blue powder.
The officers except the core and staff (which includes me) are to get the coins using the their mouth. There are two groups. And they must compete with each other. Whichever group is able to get many coins from the basin, that group shall be declared as the winner at the end.
Of course they are also instructed not to drink the liquid.
As you can see, these people have different styles of positioning their body to get the coin.
During this game, I heard no complains.
I just enjoyed watching at their facial expressions when they saw the liquid.
I guess they felt like "Oh my god".
When I heard we'll have games, I thought I want to join. I want to say to the teacher "can't we join?". I like playing games.
But when I saw my teacher holding the sachet of powder and instructed my mate to pour it into the basin, I thought I should be thankful that I'm one of those who aren't included.
The basin contains centavos, water and blue powder.
The officers except the core and staff (which includes me) are to get the coins using the their mouth. There are two groups. And they must compete with each other. Whichever group is able to get many coins from the basin, that group shall be declared as the winner at the end.
Of course they are also instructed not to drink the liquid.
As you can see, these people have different styles of positioning their body to get the coin.
During this game, I heard no complains.
I just enjoyed watching at their facial expressions when they saw the liquid.
I guess they felt like "Oh my god".
When I heard we'll have games, I thought I want to join. I want to say to the teacher "can't we join?". I like playing games.
But when I saw my teacher holding the sachet of powder and instructed my mate to pour it into the basin, I thought I should be thankful that I'm one of those who aren't included.
Good evening.
Now I am almost done in preparing the things to bring tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I will not be sleeping in our house.
I will be sleeping in a cave.
Kidding.
Together with my fellow officers, we're not going to sleep in our respective houses.
We're not going to sleep in our houses tomorrow because there'll be an overnight activity.
This activity is part of our training as officers.
Earlier 5 PM, before the meeting ended, the serious lookin' teacher said that the next day (tomorrow) he expects no smiles and laughs.
He doesn't like to see us joking around, smiling and laughing.
I think the teacher wants the officers to take the activity seriously.
If that is so, then I would be okay with it.
Maybe not to be able to laugh is a problem for my stupid classmates especially boys.
They seem not to control their laughter and joking times.
Probably, they always joke around it is because they are attention-seekers.
It is okay to joke, but they should make sure that it is the right time and right timing.
In the waiver, it is stated in there to bring uniform, extra clothes, toiletries/personal belongings, notebook and pen.
Speaking of personal belongings, I remember of what my bright classmate had asked /mentioned to the serious teacher during the meeting.
At a certain time, it is not allowed for us to urinate. This is one of the rules of the activity.
"What about the girls? Red...", she said.
"aah Red alert", I thought.
"Oh my god...", the serious teacher replied. His face looked like he has tasted a vinegar which is sour.
The serious teacher seemed to have forgotten about what might be the condition of the girls...
I thought it is natural since he is a boy and the people he always handles when having overnight acitivity are the boys... so... yeah.
"We'll do something about that.", the serious lookin' teacher replied.
"haha
", I thought.
I heard some girls in the comfort room saying
"I hope it will not come on that day (the overnight activity day)...
"
As a girl too, of course I understand what she said.
In case if someone (girl) will have hers
on that day,
I'm going to bring enough SANDWICHES.
Now I am almost done in preparing the things to bring tomorrow.
Tomorrow, I will not be sleeping in our house.
I will be sleeping in a cave.
Kidding.
Together with my fellow officers, we're not going to sleep in our respective houses.
We're not going to sleep in our houses tomorrow because there'll be an overnight activity.
This activity is part of our training as officers.
Earlier 5 PM, before the meeting ended, the serious lookin' teacher said that the next day (tomorrow) he expects no smiles and laughs.
He doesn't like to see us joking around, smiling and laughing.
I think the teacher wants the officers to take the activity seriously.
If that is so, then I would be okay with it.
Maybe not to be able to laugh is a problem for my stupid classmates especially boys.
They seem not to control their laughter and joking times.
Probably, they always joke around it is because they are attention-seekers.
It is okay to joke, but they should make sure that it is the right time and right timing.
In the waiver, it is stated in there to bring uniform, extra clothes, toiletries/personal belongings, notebook and pen.
Speaking of personal belongings, I remember of what my bright classmate had asked /mentioned to the serious teacher during the meeting.
At a certain time, it is not allowed for us to urinate. This is one of the rules of the activity.
"What about the girls? Red...", she said.
"aah Red alert", I thought.
"Oh my god...", the serious teacher replied. His face looked like he has tasted a vinegar which is sour.
The serious teacher seemed to have forgotten about what might be the condition of the girls...
I thought it is natural since he is a boy and the people he always handles when having overnight acitivity are the boys... so... yeah.
"We'll do something about that.", the serious lookin' teacher replied.
"haha
", I thought.I heard some girls in the comfort room saying
"I hope it will not come on that day (the overnight activity day)...
"As a girl too, of course I understand what she said.
In case if someone (girl) will have hers
on that day, I'm going to bring enough SANDWICHES.