~* シャリー愛してるよ。 *~

I must be like the 1% of the population in Japan that has been witness to these words.
Granted I witnessed them in writing (a text message to be exact), but it's still a pretty big deal.

No one in Japan uses the word 「愛」 (ai),"love," anymore.

To express the fact that they are romantically inclined towards some one, the majority of Japanese people use the word 「好き」 (suki), which translates into "like." In the case that your feelings may be considerably deeper, you would then use the word 「大好き」 (daisuki), which just means you "really like" the person.

From my experience, these are the norm in Japan when expressing your feelings for your so-called loved one.
No one actually uses the word "love" in Japanese because I think they find it way too strong of a feeling, and therefore become too embarrassed to say it or express it. Japanese people really have a hard time expressing their true emotions, though the younger generations are doing a much better job at it based on what I've seen since I've been here.

So imagine my shock when I saw these words staring back at me from my phone.
They came out of nowhere too.

It was the night of Valentine's Day. I was at Big Bro's apartment watching Community (amazing show, btw) and was texting back and forth with my boyfriend, who I will call "Lotus" (not trying to be corny, it's actually a reference to his last name. lol) like we always do.

"I'm home! Were you able to move all your things?"
"Welcome back! Yeah, I was able to do it, but it was raining a bit, so it kinda sucked."
"Aww. Well, you worked hard so you should relax now! But you're right, the weather has been terrible lately . I want it to be spring already!!"
"Oh, when it turns to spring I wanna go out with you a lot"
"Me too! We can see the cherry blossoms and stuff. I'm really looking forward to it"

Two hours later (1:30am).

"Shaly, I love you."


My first reaction was "Holy fuck, how much have I had to drink?!?! Am I reading this right?!??!"and after checking the text with Big Bro, and realizing I was only half a beer in, I realized that I wasn't crazy. It really said what I thought it said. So I replied in disbelief, because I know that in Japanese, these are not words that are used lightly.


"LOVE? LOVE, REALLY? ARE YOU FOR REAL??"
"I will love you always. I want to be with you always. The chocolates* were delicious too."

*He's tallking about the Valentine's chocolates I made for him.


I couldn't believe my eyes. It hasn't even been a month since we've officially started dating, and he's already telling me that he loves me, and not only that, but that he wants to be with me forever. Holy bitchtitties.

The last time this happened, I was my normal self and I freaked the fuck out like any other person with skills to rationalize would. This time I was so enthralled by the idea and so excited about it all, that I responded in the same way wishing deep with within me that the reason he was telling me all these beautiful things wasn't because he had been drinking too much or something.


"I wanna be with you forever too! I'm so happy!"


I also did say "I love you," but I took a page out of his book and said it English to make it sound less serious.

You see, Japanese boys, I have found, have this terrible, terrible, terrible habit of saying "I love you" in English to the foreigner girls they want to date/sleep with. This is, again, speaking from my experience. I think that they think that we're expecting to hear that, that because we seem to say it so damn much, that we want them to say it to us in order to justify dating or sleeping together.

To them the English phrase "I love you" seems to be of some cultural importance to foreigners, so they use it because they think you would be upset if you didn't hear it, since it's a part of your culture. They don't understand that although we do say it quite freely (at least when compared to Japanese people), the phrase actually carries a really heavy meaning.

I think it is actually because it has such a heavy meaning that we say it so much: we want to make the people around us understand just how special and important they are to us by putting our pride aside when we admit to loving them. It does have meaning, it's not something we just say.

Though I can see how watching people say it all the time makes it seem sort of meaningless, since things with deep and important meaning are by definition, "special,"and therefore rarely said or heard in daily life conversations. But for who people have been adapted to show affection, and give affection when we want to, and most of the time without any serious repercussions, it's not so much that the phrase is meaningless, but that we're comfortable saying it because we're comfortable with our emotions.

Japanese people, on the other hand, often feel uncomfortable with their own emotions, probably because they feel it can disrupt the emotions of others, and are therefore extremely uncomfortable saying things like that to each other.

That is my analysis.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make was that I said "I love you" in English because I didn't know how to react to his words, because I'm not sure if I love him or not.

This wouldn't work in a relationship where the two people are fluent speakers in English, because that would make me a liar, and eventually he would know that I didn't mean what I said. It works in a relationship with a Japanese man because he understands the phrase means that he is important to me, but he doesn't fully grasp its concept all the way. And that's exactly what I wanted to say, you're important to me.

And he is! Like, I don't remember the last time I was this happy. Everything is rosy, and I always think about him when he's not around, always waiting for his text messages, and dreaming about him when I go to sleep. When we're together I just want him to hold me, or to play with his hair when he's lying on my lap. I even play with his fingers just so I have an excuse not to let go of his hand. Every time we kiss in inhale deeply, and every time he touches me my heart races. When I see his smile, I can't help but to smile back.

Is this love?

I haven't been in love for so long that I've forgotten what it feels like.
I think that's the problem.

The problem is not that I'm not in love, it's just that I'm not sure of the name of this feeling inside of me because I've be estranged to it for so long.

Do I want to be with him? Yes.
Forever? If possible, yes.
Isn't it too soon to be thinking like that? Definitely.
But does he make me happy? Hells to the yeah.
Do you see yourself with this man in the future? I can see it.
Are you willing to see this through? Yes.
But aren't you scared of what may come of it? To death.
Why? He's younger than me, and a perfect specimen, so I don't understand why the fuck he'd want to be with some one like me.
So do you think he has a different agenda with you? At first I thought maybe he was after me for my money, or something like that, but there has been nothing that he has done to make me question his loyalty or his trust, which is super weird. I mean, last weekend he took me to meet his friends at their job place. They work at the jewelry store where he bought my birthday present. They all knew about me, he had told them about what I do and whatnot, and he had even showed them a picture of me.

"Omg, you weren't lying, Lotus!! You're really dating a foreign girl! And she's even prettier in person!! What are you doing with a guy like this one? Is it really ok? Don't you want someone better? I think you could do better."

Why would a guy that has a different agenda with me introduce me to friends that are so quick to judge and more honest than the average person with their opinions?

Thank God I'm attractive, otherwise God knows what they would have said.
He actually told me that one time he brought a girl who wasn't so pretty to meet the same friends, and they pulled him aside for a second just to ask him:

"So, Lotus... that girl? Seriously? What's wrong with you?"

Glad I passed the test.

But taking me to a place where he knew he would be judged by his peers based solely on me is a pretty big risk, and often a less than pleasant experience. I mean, in this case he would lose either way: if I was ugly and unworthy, they'd get on his case for not doing any better, and if I was who I am (which I am), he gets grilled for not being good enough for me, and advise me that I could find some one "better" right in front of his face.

Japanese people.
Who understands them.

So I know that a month (an official month in 4 days ) is too soon to be taking things so seriously, but everything feels so right! It's beyond scary, in all honesty. And the more that I think about it, the more I think that I am actually in love with this person, or at the very least, I really want to be.

So although I'm not entirely sure of what it is that I'm feeling right now, I'm sure that I want to keep feeling it for a long time, so I hope I'm given the chance to.

A special shout-out to the 神 (kami) of Japan, who when I asked them during New Year's to teach me the true meaning of happiness, they brought me a beautiful Lotus about two weeks later.

Now THAT's what I call answering a prayer.

Loves

~* Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys I do adore *~

Yo put your number on this paper cause I would love to date ya, holla at ya when...
When I'm bored I guess, cuz last time I checked I've never been on tour, so...

Anyway, what could this blog that I decided to write at almost 4am be possibly about?
Boys.
Durr.

After my fall out with BK (he never made good on that dinner he promised, and then I never heard from him after that) I was actually pretty set on avoiding the whole boys issue for a while, and was doing a pretty damn good job about it too. And then... then the holidays came. And let's be honest, no one wants to spend the holidays alone, especially in romantically inclined Christmas Japan. Not even all those assholes who decided to ignore me for months and then all of the sudden reappeared in my life when Christmas and New Year's made for the perfect excuse to strike conversation with me again.

Fuck you.
Fuck you and your mom.
Yeah, I went there.
Are you gonna do something about it?
I think not.
Why?
Cuz you're a Japanese boy.
That means I automatically have more balls than you do, and I'm not even male.
Ouch.
Burn.

So, boys. Nothing that I've ever had a problem dealing with before. I should just do my thing and lay down the law as I always do, even if that usually doesn't work in my advantage here because I'm just too strong and forward of a girl for Japanese guys to want to date.

What I really wanna know is... how the fuck, just how the fuck, did I end up with 7 (almost 8) different guys at the same time?!?!?!That's fucking ridiculous.Even by my standards, the most I've flirted with at the same time has been like, 3, and that's pushing it.

Eight guys.
Seriously??
In-fucking-credible.

To be completely honest, I'm writing this blog to put my thoughts about all of these kids in order, cuz I just can't wrap my head around this whole situation without making a chronological list or SOMETHING, at least.

So here, for your entertainment, and for the sake of my sanity, I shall disclose my relationships with all of these men and how they have progressed since we met each other. Where they will go from now has obviously not been decided, so I'll fill you in on that as soon as I know for myself.

I think I'm gonna proceed in the sequence that I met them all in that way I don't miss anyone. With that said, let's begin, shall we?

Kazutomo - My official first in Japan. We met at Alife in Roppongi when he was trying to flirt with Ri-ri and somehow got stuck with me instead. We hit it off really well, and we met a second time not too far later, when I specifically stated that I didn't want to go back home. He took me to his place, and that was that. The whole time I spent "living" in Tokyo was full of occasional slumber parties at his place, which I rather enjoyed, being that he's a really mature man with a very friendly personality, a rocking body, the softest lips I've ever kissed, and an ability in the sack that most would find enviable. Add to that the fact that he's older than me, a total gentleman, AND fluent in English, and you pretty much have the perfect man. I hoped against hope that we would develop that kind of relationship where we're togethe, even though we live a few hours away from each other, but no matter how many times I tried to shoot for something like that to develop, he wasn't really going for it. So now that I've pretty much settled for the fact that I can't have him (unless I move to Tokyo, I guess), we text each other from time to time just to keep in touch. As many of the men you will see here did, he was one of the many who decided to text me during the holidays (he was between Christmas and New Years) to see what I was up to. His parents are from Ibaraki, so he said he would come up here and he wanted to "have a drink," if at all possible. I kept my options open for him, told him what I was gonna do with my time, and didn't get a reply for him until my break was pretty much over. He told me that he had gone on a spontaneous trip with his friends to God knows where, and that he had just gotten back. Well, now I know for sure just how much you really wanted to see me. Thanks a lot. He did say he hopes to see me again "next time." I didn't reply.

Kouhei (21yr old) - We met at Bubble, one of the few clubs that exist here in Mito, when I was fresh into town. I went after him on purpose because he seemed like the biggest bad ass in the club, and he had crazy hair and an eyebrow piercing, so I was attracted by his wild side, if you would. Went home with him that night, which he didn't believe for himself when I agreed to, but it had been a while and I felt like I needed to baptize my coming to this city somehow, as gross as that may sound. The guy was endowed by God with a pretty amazing package, but he was bossy in bed, and I really didn't appreciate that. We saw each other one more time after that, for the same reason, and the last text I got from him on the 26th (lonely at Christmas much?) was asking me when I got off work that day, which I didn't reply to because I knew it was just another booty call. Now, don't get me wrong, booty calls are not so bad from time to time, but this guy likes telling me what to do a lot while we're at it and it makes me really angry for some reason. So I'd rather not see him if that's how it's gonna go down. He was a nice boy though. Loves to have really deep conversations about life when he's not trying to jam his poki stick in your mouth. Who'd guessed, huh?

Tetsuya - He's Ernesto's neighbor, and one really stand up guy that although I was always really attracted to (he's not drop dead gorgeous, but he's got this mysteriously sexy aura about him), for some reason or another I decided not to pursue. I think it was probably because I was involved with other men whenever he happened to drop by one of our regular Saturday gatherings. But he's a really super nice guy who is doing very well for himself at a company which makes electron microscopes. Fancy, right? Well, he's always flirted with me since day one. Telling me I'm beautiful and playfully placing cold drinks on my bare skin to get a reaction out of me. Last time he came to one of our gatherings we were a little closer than usual, I think that was because I wasn't romantically involved with anyone at the time, so the appropriate time finally presented itself to us. Turns out I got a little too drunk that night though, and I might have said some very incoherent or suggestive things... though I do remember him saying that if he got too drunk, he was gonna come sleep at my place, so that was all him. But he ended up leaving with everyone because he was their ride home, and they were bitching and whining for him to take them. Thanks for the cockblock guys. I had managed to ask him if he had any plans for Christmas though, to which he replied that he had none, so I sent him a text a couple of days later apologizing for my behavior (which he said was totally ok, though in Japan that also means it wasn't ok at all, so who really knows), and saying that we should have Christmas dinner together, which we did!! We found out we had so many things in common, and it was really nice to spend time with just him for a change. He paid for everything like a true gentleman and took me home in his sports car to call it a night. He WAS going to come up to my apartment... until some dumb ass bitch decided to park their van on the only free spot available in the complex, so he decided to turn his car around and go home. "No parking. I guess I'm going home." he said. "Oh, do you wanna go home?" I asked. "No, I wouldn't say that..." and with that suggestive comment the conversation ended abruptly and he proceeded to hand me a Christmas present, which I was really surprised by, cuz I had nothing for him. Granted it was just beer, but he gave me a gift when he didn't have to, on top of treating me to dinner. How awesome is that?? So i reluctantly went home after giving him a hug, and texted him to let him know that I had a blast with him. He said he was also very happy to spend some time with me, and next time he wants me to cook something for him, which I was really happy about, cuz that pretty much would seal the deal here. But when I asked when he would come over, there was no answer. I texted him for new years, and his reply included nothing about coming over or anything. I texted him again to let him know I had come back to Mito from my holiday trip to Tokyo, and told him I had gotten him a present from Tokyo. He seemed pleased to hear that, since he put a little musical note next to his "thank you" on the text. That's good, right? But then he wrote this: "I wonder when I should go -__-" and wtf does that face mean? that you're thinking? or you don't wanna come?? or wha?!?! Fucking J-guys and their emoticons. Anyway, I told him yet again that any time was good for me, and that he should tell me when it was convenient for him instead. Also, that when he came over to pick up his present, I could cook him that meal that we had discussed earlier. Answer? Nothing. Figures. And I'll say right now, that out of all of the boys listed here he is the one that I seriously see myself dating, because he's a really good guy that fits what I want in a man right now. But if he starts flaking out on me like BK, I dunno what I'll do because that'll be yet another one that got away. I dunno how a second loss like that could affect me. Granted I'd survive, of course, but I'm sure it would suck more than the usual. Luckily, yesterday (I've been in the process of writing this blog for like, three days now) he texted me asking if I had any plans for the night because he wanted to drop by. Unfortunately for me, Friday nights are one of my longest nights at work (usually get home around 10pm), Saturdays I start work from 10am, and I have a cold on top of it all. So, of course, he didn't come over. He did, however, tell me to take care of myself and to keep warm. Now who knows when he'll decide to randomly text me again, if he ever does. Hurray.

Yuuki - A super nice boy that my Japanese parents introduced me to at one of their villa parties. He was the one to pick me up on the way to the party and drop me off at home afterwards, so we had plenty of time to talk, becoming very comfortable with each other faster than the average boy and girl would I guess. After we met at the villa and we spent such a nice time together, he took me to an expensive oyster dinner and a movie, all paid for by him, like the true gentleman he is. Yuuki is a really stand up kinda guy who wouldn't hurt a fly, and who buys you a bottle of water just in case you get thirsty. He'll seek to entertain you and he will laugh at your jokes even if they suck ass. His heart is just full of rainbows and smiles. He's the boy you want to bring home to mama. The downside to all that? That he's not the boy you want to tear up in bed. I really have a fun time when I'm with him, but he's the cutesy kinda boy that is just kind of average looking, so my shallowness won't allow me to look past that, which sucks ass because he would be such a good boyfriend. I just know it. I really wish I could be more lenient about that certain quality in a guy, but I was made into a superficial bitch that cannot ignore the appearance of others when judging them. Either way, Yuuki was not one of the ones seeking comfort with me during the holidays because our "thing," if you would, kinda ended a little while ago. He actually ended up texting me just because I had sent him a picture of Ryu in a Santa outfit for Christmas, so we just talked a bit about the holidays. You see, after we had our dinner and a movie date, we had a huge fallout because I had decided to settle for BK, who I had met on the same day I met him, and who I liked far more, so I decided to not lead Yuuki onto something that was not going to happen because I would feel guilty if I kept going on dates with him when I really liked somebody else. Yes, I do have feelings. Enough not to want to hurt another person on purpose at least. Unless they deserve it...

Kouhei (25yr old) - We met at a different club in Mito called the Arc. I had first met his friend Rai, a 16yr old boy who's allowed into the clubs in Mito to promote his friend's store, and just because Japanese people don't really give a shit if people are old enough to drink or not sometimes. Rai and I flirted for a while, he was just too adorable and precious to pass up, though it was all in good fun of course because I'm no pedophile, ok? And eventually Kohei showed up and managed to steal me away. He had this air of confidence about him, which paired with his B-boy kinda feel was pretty attractive to me for some reason. We flirted all night, danced together, we were even holding hands at the end of it all, but when it came time to say good-bye, he was nowhere in sight. The asshole had left without saying so much of a word to me. I tried to hunt down his phone number from his friends, all in vain. The next shot I had at him was to go to the event that Rai had been promoting that night at Arc, which would take place a month later. And I went. He was already there by the time I had gotten to the place, and Rai and I had been in contact, so I was filled in about all the details concerning him. First thing I got when I saw him was an apology, which I halfheartedly accepted, because shoot, you better deserve that shit. I don't forgive just anyone, especially some one who blew me off like I was nothing after spending the whole night with me. After that, things seemed to be going well, until he started chickening out again. If I'd approach him, he'd kinda run away, or he'd come back and check on me, and then leave again, or he tried to push other people onto me when he knew damn well the only one I was interested in was him AND HE LIKED ME BACK. Fucking dumbass. So it was cat and mouse all night, until he did the same shit again. Left without a trace. This time I was able to track him down because one of the people he had come with actually had his number this time. What a concept. I called his ass and called him out on being a fucking pussy. No one makes a fool out of me and gets away with it. Not for long, anyway. So after I called his ass out, I never contacted him again. He, however, had the bright idea of texting me and telling me that when I was free we should go take a walk and have dinner. I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for a bitch. If I wanted to date a bitch, I'd become a lesbian, and that's not really on my to do list recently. Needless to say, I never contacted him after that, though he did text me to ask me if I was going to some event, and when I said I wasn't, he said it was ok because he wasn't going either. Wtf?!?! Like, why do you even ask if I'm going if you're not gonna go?!?! Fucking retard. That fell through yet again. Then, on New Year's I got a text from our mutual friend Shige saying that he was counting down to the new year with Kouhei at some place. Oh, I'm sorry! I think you missed the memo that said that I don't care about him because he's a pussy ass bitch that blew me off twice. Kouhei himself then messaged me when New Year's came along to tell me how it had been a pity that we hadn't been able to meet since that last event we were at together. You know, the one he blew me off at? Yeah, that one. And that he was looking forward to the day we could meet again. I replied saying happy new year and yah, until we meet again, which is most likely never unless I'm super desperate and somehow become ok with being with a guy who has no balls. Don't really see it happening though.

Takuya - Yet another boy I met at a club, this time it was at Alife again, same place I had met Kazu. My J-parents had wanted me to take them out to a club with Chai on some random weekend, so we all went there together, and after running my fingers through the selection, somehow I ended up with this dude. But honestly, it was more like he claimed me more than anything. When he first saw me he asked me for my name and he told me he'd be back for me, and kept his promise. He's pretty fluent in English, and alright in the looks department, but his most attractive feature is that as the total opposite of Kouhei (25yr old), he's a manly man, one that goes after what he wants and is not afraid to throw down if he has to. So the whole night he spent it buying me ridiculous amounts of drinks to keep me happy and dancing with me, telling me how much he liked me, and my smile, and my personality, and all this other shit. I hadn't been adulated like that in a good while, so I was rather enjoying myself watching this guy fall so hard for me, drooling all over the damn place. It kinda got awkward after that though. We sorta started kissing and being really physical with each other (I would blame the alcohol, but I know myself better than that), and he started saying weird ass things like he liked me 360% and that he was jealous about all the other guys around me. He even dropped the L-Bomb on me, which I had to convince him out of cuz shit was just getting outta control. No dude, you're not in love with me, extremely infatuated and horny as fuck is closer to the truth, in my opinion. Anyway, the whole fucking night this guy kept revering me like a fucking goddess and made promises of coming to visit me here in Ibaraki and whatnot, which I said sure to because I didn't take it so seriously. Dude was serious though. He wanted to come up here for Christmas to spend it with me until I told him I had made other plans (Tetsuya *cough*), got a text from him at new years asking when it would be a good time for us to meet, and just got a text a couple of hours ago asking if I had time the 28th or 29th of this month so he could come up here to see me. Jesus Christ, I mean, one of the things I enjoy the most in a guy is when he wants me bad, but this dude is like, outta control. It's like I'm a drug to him or something. I dunno what the fuck I did to make him think it was more than a one night thing, but dude is hella sprung on me and I dunno wtf to do. I just thank God that I didn't sleep with him. That would've fucked me over heeeeeeeeeeeeeellllllaa.

Jin - The bassist of the live music band that played at the Christmas party my J-Parents invited me to a couple of weeks ago. Dude is one of those suave mofos who are all artsy but yet good looking, so you're attracted to their sensitive side as well as their looks. Honestly, he was the only male close to my age at the party, and he was attractive, so I just asked to get a picture with him, and the magic just happened. He asked me to send him the picture, which required the exchange of numbers and the such, and since then he's texted me to wish me a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, telling me that he was hoping he would be able to see me again soon. I had all the intention of hanging out with him, but when I started thinking about all of the other idiots I had to deal with, I don't really need one more to add to the list, as attractive as he may be. Still, I'm a fucking idiot and told him that if he was free we should grab tea sometime, to which dude actually put a date to and asked me to go last Tuesday. I, umm, sorta never replied to his text. One of the reasons why was because I was enjoying myself in Tokyo with my besties, and another one because I didn't know it would be so soon and not being able to make it, would I postpone it or cancel it indefinitely? And just how would I do either of those anyway? So I took the chickenshit way out and never answered. I feel hella bad though, so I want to write back to him, at least a reason why I didn't reply, but I have no fucking idea of what I would say. The truth is too mean, and a lie might just prompt him to reschedule our tea time to another day. *sigh* Fml.

Kouhei (27yr old) - The latest addition to the list. This one kinda happened on accident. I had asked my friend Naoki to hang out with the besties and I while they were here in Mito close to new years, and asked him to bring a friend or two to make things more interesting. He brought this dude, Kouhei, who is pretty tall, alright looking, and giggly about every fucking damn thing in the world. I swear, everything is funny to this kid. I dunno if it's because he's nervous when talking to me, or it's just what he does, but he never stops giggling. It's weird. But all in all, he's a really nice dude, and pleasant to be around with, so I enjoyed his company. Talking led to comfortability, which then turned into familiarity, which when paired with alcohol can cause two people to make very poor decisions, like say, make out in my kitchen after getting back from drinking at the Drunken Duck. The whole night he tried to tickle me, just so he could touch me in some way at least, and it was just innocent, playful, flirting. Yes he spent the night, and yes he slept on my bed, but we didn't have sex, which was nice because I can't recall that ever happening to me before... or at least recently. He woke up before me though, and he wouldn't go back to bed, so I got cranky and took forever to get up because I was still sleepy and shit. He was very sweet though. He held me while I slept and he caressed my face until I drifted off to sleep. He's very sweet. Actually, too sweet. We had dinner together when we both got back from winter break, which although he didn't pay for, he brought me an omiyage from his hometown and the next day unexpectedly brought me a bag full of medicine and food in the middle of the night because I was complaining that I had a terrible cold. Who does that nowadays?!?! No one, that's who. That's going beyond the extra mile and back. So, I can't really ignore this guy, I mean, he texts me everyday, continuously, always worried about me and interested in what I'm doing or thinking about. He legitimately cares about me. And... I think I like him. Problem is, I like him, but I don't want him as much as I want Tetsuya. Of course I would go for the one who seems to like me the least out of the two. Typical Shaly. But because of that, I didn't text him back today. Tetsuya texting me yesterday makes me feel like I still have a chance with him, so I don't feed Kouhei sweet nothings in order to put a limit on where we stand, so as not to lead him on any further in case things with Tetsuya take off. I feel so bad though... I was hoping he would text me so then I 'd have to be like, "Oh well, guess I can't ignore this text! That would be rude.", but something was telling me he was waiting for me this time because he was the last one to text me yesterday, and no messages came from him today. I think I'd done fucked up.

So, out of this whole clusterfuck of people, the only ones that I'm really concentrating in figuring things out with are Tetsuya and Kouhei (27yr old). Tetsuya, the mysteriously sexy gentle-man who always made it clear that he was interested in me, always treating me very nicely and looking out for me, but is not too clear about what kind of relationship he wants with me, which he leads me to believe with his lack of communication. Kouhei, the J-rock-loving free spirit that can't stop giggling like an idiot, but genuinely cares about me as a person to the point of driving across two cities to bring me medicine when I was feeling down. Should be pretty obvious, right? No, not when you're a girl and you over analyze everything on top of being born already certifiably insane thanks to some douche hormone called estrogen.

So what do you think??? Who would I be happier with?? The one I really want, or the one I kinda like and sorta want?? Or what?!!?! And wtf do I do about those dudes waiting on answers from me to hang out and shit?!?! I'm not as good at turning guys down in Japan as I was in America. You see, in America I wasn't attracted to all the guys that were trying to ask me out. In Japan, I'm attracted to 95% of them.

Honestly, I don't even know anymore what kinds of questions to ask to get your opinion here. All I can think about right now is how much my neck hurts from typing for so long and how much I have to pee.

Either way, your opinion is much appreciated and will be taken deep into consideration!! So please let me know your thoughts below.

Loves <3

~* Thanksgiving *~

Last Saturday after work I went home, picked up my pup, and went straight to Mito station to take the train to Saitama where Chai and I were going to spend Thanksgiving together!!

Yes, you heard me right. With my pup.

If you weren't aware, you can take your pets on the train in Japan as long as they are in a carrier that fits the size specifications posted in the JR website, along with a small fee for the special service as well, of course.

I had no problems with this, since Ryu is still a puppy, so his carrier is pretty small and was allowed on the train. Either that, or no one noticed it was a carrier with a puppy inside because I didn't pay any fees at all...

Luckyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~~

Either way, my puppy took the ride like a total champ! No crying, no complaining. He was a real trooper. I was very proud of him because God knows that two and a half hours in a train is not the funnest thing to do, especially if you're a hyperactive puppy stuck in a carrier. Props.

When I got to Chai's I gave her a little scare because she had left her door unlocked and I made my way inside without knocking, since I had tried the doorbell and it didn't work. Lawl.

But of course, it was all good times since the beginning, and she had prepared all kinds of amazing food for us to share for dinner! Green bean casserole, Pumpking cheesecake, the works. I was really looking forward to eating all of it because it looked hella delicious!! Haha.

We waited for Sho-sho to come join us, since G-chan was no longer coming due to some unexpected personal problems that arose on his birthday no less (the poor thing), and when he finally got to Chai's, we went out for some light ingredients shopping so we could get the cooking started.

By the time we got all the cooking done, we were starving to death, so we said grace as fast as possible, took pictures of our food, and proceeded to eat!

Shit was BOMB.

Our thanksgiving dinner was once again a total success and we enjoyed time together as a nice little happy family would. I felt very at peace and genuinely happy.

Not only that, but we were able to Skype chat with Crisit first, and then Sun, having an awesome four way conversation with them that included Chai, Sho-sho, and myself!! It was so nice to have everyone together, even if only partially.

Thank God for good friends.

The next morning, though initially planned to celebrate G-chan's birthday, Chai and I were going to go to Fuji-Q Highland park to have awesome adventures in all kinds of crazy rides. Thing is that to get there, we needed to get a bus that either went from Omiya to the park, or from Shinjuku to the park.

Turns out that all of the buses required reservations that we were no longer able to make because either the ticketing service was already closed for the day, or because the requirement for the reservations was of at least four days prior to the departure date and all sorts of other crap. So... the bus was a no go.

We were going to have to wake up at 5am to take the train to Shinjuku and figure out a way to the park from there.

Super.

It would have been a bit less painful if we wouldn't have stayed up all night talking about crazy things like people eating poop or mosquito bite titties, but those are the kind of times that I enjoy the best. The kind that although have no real purpose and are ridiculous beyond belief make you smile like a fool and you remember them forever. Wish I had those more often because they don't really happen anymore... Shame.

Somehow we did manage to wake up in time, but somehow took two hours to get ready.
Wtf.

We all made our way to the station, said goodbye to Sho-sho once his stop had been reached, and Chai and I made our way to Shinjuku station. There we asked at the "green window" for a way to get to the park from the station, and we got a train ticket directly towards the park. It was kind of expensive, almost the same as what I pay every time I go down to Tokyo, but hey, we were going to Fuji-Q, so who cares.

During the train ride Chai dozed off, and I tried to as well, but something wouldn't let me sleep soundly. I don't know if it was because I was anxious about missing the right stop, or because I was too excited to be going to the park, or what. But after an hour and a half or so, we arrived to Fuji-Q.

It was time for wrecking havoc.

We got our "Free Pass, " about $50, and we had to take a picture to make our pass completely official.
Crazy times!!

I must mention we saw one really gorgeous boy right off the bat that looked like Kyo-chan.
Deliciousness.

We started wandering around the park, not knowing exactly where to go first since we weren't bright enough to grab a map when we got inside. We did go back for one though, and decided that our first ride would be the 「ええじゃないか」 (Ee ja nai ka) roller coaster.

We had to wait for an hour and a half, but shit was hella fun! It goes upside down a bunch of times, and it's pretty fast so it really gets your adrenaline going. Not to mention that the damn catchphrase gets stuck in your head after you hear it a million times while you wait for your turn. It was a good way to pop our Fuji-Q cherry and we even got a picture for memories.

We're laughing with our mouths wide open and in Chai's words, her hair looks like it exploded.
It's a good one. Haha.

Having had no real breakfast, after this ride we were pretty hungry, so we made our way to the food court and got us huge, and I mean HUGE, bowls of rice to eat for lunch. Chai got some fried shrimp bowl, while I opted for the eel rice bowl. It was quite delicious and full of energy!

The Japanese believe that if you're ever feeling really tired, or like you're running out of energy, you should eat eel to recuperate your strength.

I made a good choice.

Excuse me while I pet the warm puppy sleeping on my lap for a moment. <3.

Back to the story, we finished eating and decided to wait on the big rides so as not to throw up everywhere when we were riding them. So instead we rode the "Mouse Trap" roller coaster, and that shit was just horrible. Though it was really small in size, and seemingly harmless, the damn thing jerks you so hard from side to side when it turns that it physically hurts you!! Not to mention that the turns we really sharp, to the point where you really fear for your life.

Never again.

After we were done with that horrible ride we figured we should digest our food while we waited for a really awesome ride that would probably take a while to get to. So we lined up for the "Fujiyama."

This ride was...
INTENSE.

Super fast, all sorts of loops and drops, and lasted for a good while. This was my favorite ride of the day because it was really, really good. Will definitely do it again if I ever go back.

However, after this ride we realized we were kind of running out of time, since the park would close at 6pm and it was now around 3pm. We had to tackle all of the big rides before leaving for the day, so we lined up for the next one--「ドドンパ」 (Dodonpa).

The dodonpa was ridiculous. The thing can reach a speed of 172km in 1.5 seconds so when you're waiting to be launched, the anxiety just fucking kills you. You're just waiting until the countdown begins and then you're suddenly shot like a friggin' bullet.

I did try to scream from all of the adrenaline and anxiety I had built up, but the damn thing was going so fast that the sound from my scream was completely drained out. It was crazy. Kinda short, but definitely an insane feeling to be going that fast.

After we were done there, it was time to face the baddest of them all: 「高飛車」 (Takabisha). This roller coaster is just the craziest shit you'll ever ride in your life. Why? Simply because the damn thing has a drop of 120 degrees.

YES, 120 DEGREES.

You have no idea of how many times I thought to myself that waiting in line for this one was not the brightest idea I have ever had. When our turn finally came I had to tell Chai that I loved her because I seriously thought that I was going to die on this one.

It began in total darkness, just like Space Mountain, with drops here and there that you were not aware of in any way and thus made you scream like a little wuss. After a while in the darkness of a tunnel we finally made it to the outside only to face a wall of completely vertical tracks that didn't seem to end.

Our car went up those damn tracks.
I was sure I was going to die.

Once it reached the very top, it stopped at a high inclination facing down as if wanting to show you the path to your death. I closed my eyes in terror and prayed to God that I wouldn't die.

But then a curious thing happened.
The drop had finished and I didn't feel a thing.

I felt so ripped off. All of the anxiety went into climbing those damn vertical tracks and once the drop actually happened, it wasn't scary at all!!! Pfft. All that freaking out for nothing.

It was fun though, and climbing that high did definitely get me close to shitting my pants, but the drop was definitely not what I had expected it to be.

By this point we had ridden every single one of the main roller coasters at the park and we felt pretty accomplished!! We went to a souvenir shop and got omiyage for some friends and coworkers, and then took the train back to Omiya, where we got ourselves some McDonald's for dinner and little Ryu was waiting to be fed at Chai's.

After eating a mixture of the new コロッケ (koroke) burger from McD's and thanksgiving leftovers, we really had no energy for anything else, so we went to bed. It had been a really exciting day, and now it was time to make up for some of that lost sleep.

The next day we had breakfast together and left Chai at work on my way to the station with Ryu. I headed to Shin-Okubo where I went to buy Crisit's Christmas present, and my usual K-Pop goods.

For those of you who don't know, I have a little tradition of going to Shin-Okubo everytime I go down to Tokyo to buy a K-Pop mug. Every time is a different group or artist that I listen to, and my collection has gotten quite impressive. I think I have about seven now.

The last two I got were Super Junior and F.T. Island.
They're perfect.

After that I finally made my way home only to find out that G-chan was in Shinjuku after I had just left the damn place. I really wanted to see him to check on him and make sure he was doing well after all the stuff that had happened on his birthday, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Maybe some time soon we can meet again.

After getting home I fed Ryu and spent the rest of the day vegging. A good way to finish such an eventful weekend.

And that was my thanksgiving!! Not a perfect one, but a damn good one for sure because I was able to spend it with the friends that really do care about me, and that I of course, really care about.

Love you all <3!!

PS: I forgot to mention that Ryu bit Chai while we were staying with her because she tried to take away from him a piece of tissue he thought was food. This made me really upset. I don't want my puppy to grow up to be the kind of dog that is comfortable with biting people, so I'm on a serious path to making him stop biting completely. He's gonna learn one way or another that this is not acceptable.

Wish me luck.