~* Last Wednesday was a crazy ass day... *~

It was like a whole pile of unpredictable shit was thrown at me at once. Some of it was good, and some of it not as nice. Either way, I survived it all unscathed, so I'm grateful for that.

And what better timing to be grateful than during this time of the year! Thanksgiving was spent at home doing absolutely nothing, but I am on my way to Chai's now to cook a delicious dinner together and celebrate properly. Can't wait!! And I just wanted to tell you all that one of the things I'm most grateful for is having friends like you! Those of you who actually take the time to read all the crap I write are my closest friends in the world, so thank you so much for always being there for me.

I love you all <3!!!

Really, really do.

Going back to Wednesday's story, the day began like any other, really, except for the fact that I could sleep in a bit longer since it was a holiday.

I decided this day would be used for winter clothes shopping, since I was freezing my ass off everywhere due to the fact that the only clothes I brought with me to Japan were spring/summer clothes. So, I got ready, fed the pup, and rode my bike to the station.

On my way to the station though, I ran into what seemed to be either two junior high, or really young high school students, also riding their bikes in the same direction.

Now, I see students running around all the time, so it's no big deal, but this was the first time one of them actually talked to me.

That was new.

As I passed them on my bike, through the music blaring from my headphones I heard a "Hello!" and in English, no less.

I turned around to this kid smiling at me from ear to ear and giving me a look that had "what's up girl" written all over it.

I was so taken back by his flirtatious attitude that I laughed to myself and said hello back with that enticing smile that older women use to tempt young men in the movies. He wanted to play, so I played along.

That boy...
What a flirt! XD

I rode past them as fast as I could. After all, I didn't want to give them any crazy ideas. Like the 16 yr old from a few months back that wanted to lose his virginity to me.

No...
Thanks though.

Anyway, it was all in good fun, so I wanted to leave it at that. As luck would have it, however, the crosswalk I had to go through made me wait for forever, and they caught up to me. I waited for them to say something, and they did.

Now, keep in mind that the next conversation happened completely in English because I want you to give these boys props for trying.

"Where are you from?"
"I'm from America."
"Oh, America."

Silence.

"Boyfriend?"
"No, no boyfriend."
At this point the quiet friend tells the flirt in Japanese that what I'm saying must be a lie.

"Oh! Here! Boy, boyfriend!"
As he messes with his quiet friend who is now dying of embarrassment.

I laughed at their silliness and crossed when the light finally turned green. As I was crossing the street though, I was cat called by a group of young men driving a truck that was turning onto the crosswalk.

What are the chances?

I finally made it to the station and decided to check out the shops before heading to Uchihara AEON Mall, which was my final destination.

As I passed a gyudon place on my way to the shops, I saw a super gorgeous guy inside eating with his friend. I wanted to go eat there just so I could stare at him some more, but I had been looking forward to the KFC at the mall, which I always eat when I go there. So, I chose me over some dude for once, and kept on going.

Ran into him one hour later.

I was at Marui when I saw him again and my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. We crossed stares, but he didn't seem interested. He did, however, run across a mirror which he used to fix his hair.

Did I make you feel a bit self-conscious? Who are you trying to look good for, pretty boy?

My game was ON that day.,
God damn.

I should also mention that I ran into Keita, the bartender I had a thing for that flirted with me in front of his girlfriend like a fucking idiot and got into a fight with her over me, at the ABC Mart. We were shocked to see each other, and he didn't really look like he wanted to eat me with his eyes, like he has some other times, but he did seem in a hurry to get away from me and I didn't know why. So I just gave him a big condescending smile and kept on truckin'. A few seconds later I saw some one awkwardly smile at me out of the corner of my eye but since I didn't care for who it might've been, I ignored said person and kept walking. Turns out it was Keita's girlfriend. I think she might've gotten the wrong idea from the situation, where I just said hi to him and ignored her, but I swear it wasn't on purpose. I didn't expect to see her there, much less smiling at me. Wtf lady. She probably thinks that I still have a thing for him now, since it looked like I just wanted to talk to him and completely blew her off.

Oh well.
Who needs you guys anyway?
Chickenshit guy who has to avoid me to keep his relationship stable yet still tries to get in my good graces because he can't stand the thought of me not liking him anymore,, and hillbilly girlfriend with kicked in teeth sporting a bowl cut.

Yah, have fun with that.

Either way I found some awesome deals at the shops though, which made me almost give up on my trip to the mall, but that KFC was calling my name, and I needed to get a pet carrier for Ryu there too, so I went there anyway.

While shopping for the carrier, my stomach started to feel funny. I bought the damn thing and a new shirt for the pup and ran to the bathroom to see if my suspicions were right. Turns out they were.

Unexpected period.
HURRAY!!

Nothing I had never faced before, so I just grabbed some feminine products out of my bag and proceeded to fix the situation, except I was missing something vital in order to do so successfully--Ibuprofen.

All of my pain killers were chillin' at home while I was trying to shop for much needed clothes feeling like I was going to bleed to death.

Super.

Being as there were no drug stores in the mall, I had to suck up all the pain and continue as if it were no thing but a chicken wing. Thing is that I can't even remember the last time I went without pain killers for my cramps because if I didn't take them, I would suffer from an intense pain that when accompanied by a high fever made me cry my eyes out until I passed out from a combination of all of the above. Shit's no joke.

So needless to say, I was pretty much scared for my life at this point, but I decided to see it through because I really needed these clothes. I got my shit together and headed over to the food court for some of that much needed KFC hoping that some food would do me good.

I got my food and scoped out the available tables. Spotted one with a good looking boy and what seemed like his father, so I made my way there so I could have something pretty to stare at while trying to forget how much pain I was in.

As I sat down both of them stared at me and began to talk to each other. I couldn't hear exactly what they said because I had my headphones on, but their body language was enough to give me an idea of what was being said. It went as follows:

Father points at me subtly.
The young guy tilts his head slowly to the left and turns it slightly to the right.
Father gets up, as if pretending to leave.
The young guy waves his hands frantically while laughing.

My interpretation:

"Oh hey! Check her out! What do you think?"
"Hmm, I dunno... she's alright."
"I'll leave you two alone then."
"Nononono!!!"

It was amusing to watch, but nothing really came of it, so I just ate my food and tried to suppress all of the pain I was going through. I did cross stares with him as I was leaving, but he didn't do anything about it, so I resumed my shopping excursion. Later some dude scoped me out and did the whole turn around thing, but in the end just kept on walking too. Seems like I was a hot item that day, dunno why the fuck. But even if that were true, it doesn't really matter because Japanese boys don't have the balls to talk to me, so whatever.

In any case, I went around the mall and found shit. I did buy a new pair of brown high heeled booties, and some thermal shirts to keep me warm underneath all of my fancy fashionable clothes that I wanted to buy but couldn't find at the fucking mall. So since there was really nothing for me to do there anymore, and my stomach was killing me, I headed out to catch the train back to Mito station, and go shopping there instead, where I had found some sweet deals I wanted to take advantage of.

I get to the station and it looks like I've just missed the train. Others come by but none of them seem to go the direction I need them to, so I'm stuck waiting in the cold and toughing out the pain for about an hour before my fucking train finally arrives. At this point I'm just dying to go home and curl into a ball, but I really needed some winter clothes, so I was gonna see it all through. Finally arrived at Mito station some 15min later.

I went shopping and found all sorts of amazing clothes for really cheap and that made my whole day a lot better. I shopped until closing time, and I felt really bad because I actually kept one of the shops open while I was still looking. When I worked retail I hated it when people did that shit, so I understand the way those poor clerks must have felt with me hovering all over their shit when they're trying to go home. At least I did buy stuff from their store, so I guess they can't complain that much.

After I was done shopping I got my bike and made my way home. I have a feeling that on my way there something else boy-related happened, but I can't recall what it was. The one thing I do remember is that by the time that I got home it was really late and my stomach didn't hurt anymore. It was like a miracle, because I have never been able to tough out my cramps for a whole day without medication. I felt really good about it too, because if I had a choice I wouldn't take the damn pills every time that shit happens. Feels like I'm slowly poisoning my body to death.

So I got home, fed my pup, and proceeded to try on all of the wonderful clothes that I had acquired. I tried a bunch of different combinations and made sure that everything looked as good as I imagined it would.

It did.
I was finally ready for winter!!

Now it was time to write a blog about the student who asked me out the day before. I stayed up till 3am to write that damn thing, and that's when the most horrible thing of the day happened.

It began when Ryu woke up from his nap. He started squealing in a really high pitched tone and began to bite his ass like crazy. I had no idea of what was happening, but the sound did freak me out because he sounded like he was in pain. He didn't look like anything was wrong with him though, so I just dismissed it as him having an itchy butt, which happens. After 10min of the same thing, however, I knew that it had to be something more than that, and I began to worry about him, so I let him out of his crate.

When he came out of it, he couldn't walk.

When he tried to run or walk, he would immediately sit back down and began to drag his butt all over the floor, trying to bite whatever was bothering his ass. Thing is, there was nothing there! I checked and checked over again, but I couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Ryu, however, kept squealing and crying, making me really uneasy and worried about whatever was happening to him.

I took him to the shower and tried to clean his butt to see if that would solve the issue. I gained nothing out of it except for a dirty towel, and suddenly the squealing began to get louder and scarier.

I was so distraught from not knowing what was happening to my pup that I began to cry begging him to tell me what was wrong. He, of course, was unable to answer.

I picked him up and took him to bed with me. He was really sad, and very quiet and still, unlike his usual self, so I was very sad to see him like that. I decided to make him sleep with me on the bed that night, just to make sure I could be close to him if anything happened, and then early in the morning take him to the pet shop to see if they could help me in any way.

We were finally able to go to sleep after a while, curling up under the blankets together like I always dreamed we would, except that I knew he wasn't feeling well, so my happiness was only partial.

In the middle of the night though, a huge earthquake rattled my apartment for a good 10sec or more, which woke both me and Ryu up from our nice sleepy time. When I checked him he still looked pretty upset, but we both went back to sleep as soon as the earthquake stopped.

When my alarm went off early to take Ryu running to the pet shop, I woke up and checked on him to see how he was feeling. His face was still very very sad looking, and he still couldn't walk right, so I decided to check his butt again to see if the situation had changed.

When I did, there was a piece of plastic sticking out of it.
The stringy kind that holds the paper tags to brand new clothing.

Asking myself what the fuck that was doing there, I proceeded to pull the piece of plastic slowly, as not to hurt the pup. When I took it completely out it was covered in feces and a little bit of blood, and it had been a pretty good length deep in too.

I tossed it in the garbage, and before I knew it Ryu started frolicking around like his usual self, running around in high spirits as always.

You had no idea of how relieved I was to have survived that nightmare. I swear that every time he squealed in pain my heart broke into a million pieces. He needs to stop eating shit like that though because I don't want a repeat of that episode ever again.

Needless to say though, I had very little sleep--writing a blog till late, trying to figure out what was wrong with the pup, surviving the earthquake, and then waking up early to run to the pet shop with Ryu, if needed.

Not the best day ever, but an eventful one for sure.

And today promises to be another wonderful day in my life, so I should go get my beauty sleep. Next time I'll let you all know about my fun thanksgiving adventure with Chai!!

Toodles~~

~* Oops, I did it again... *~

But I swear it wasn't on purpose. Though I can't say I wasn't waiting/wishing for it to happen.

*Sigh*

What exactly am I talking about? Well, I'm talking about the fact that another one of my students pretty much asked me out yesterday.

So, let me begin by telling you this kid's backstory and how the situation developed.

His name is a version of "Hiro," so let's call him that.

Yes, I apparently have a thing for Yusuke's, Kazu's, and Hiro's.
But don't ask me why because I haven't the slightest idea.

Anyway, I have been his teacher for about two months or so. Maybe more. He was going to be in Big Bro's class, and so I taught him once before he officially became Big Bro's student, but there was apparently a change in his schedule after a couple of months or so, and he eventually became my student.

Figures.

I will be honest with you. When I first met him, we were the only people in the room because everyone else somehow managed to be absent, and so there was a lot of tension between us. Why? Well, because he is a good looking dude, and I'm a good looking girl, and he's a young man, and I'm a young woman, so... nature running its course, for lack of better terminology.

The tension, however, was mostly from him. He's a Japanese male, which means he's really shy, which means when I'm teaching him he will never look me in the eye, and if we happen to make eye contact, he will move his head in the other direction fast enough to give himself whiplash. I say this in the present tense because it happens till this day. Makes class a lot more awkward than it needs to be.

But I somehow managed to teach him something that day, because as good looking and distracting as he may be, he's not paying my bills, so professionalism and etiquette are my priorities. Work before pleasure, as the saying goes.

Nothing improper was said. No flirting was allowed. Just had a normal class, like any other day.

At the end of it all, I said goodbye to him because I thought that would be the last time I would see him, granted he was not a steady student of mine, and he asked me if I was going back to America, which made me giggle.

No, silly. I'm not saying good-bye because I'm going away! You just have to go to your actual teacher from now on.

"Oh..."

Silly boy.

So that was that.
And then he became my student.

Now, when he became my student, I knew, something was gonna happen. I didn't know what, and I didn't know when, but I just saw it as inevitable. It was gonna happen. And I'm sorry if that makes me sound like I'm stuck up, or really fully of myself (which may not be too far from the truth), but I've been in this situation before a few other times, so I'm quite familiar as to how it usually pans out. And I may be many things, but ugly I'm not, so it was just a matter of time.

So I just waited for a comment with a double meaning, for a gesture, or for some kind of sign that he wanted me to be more than just his teacher.

That sign never came.

Yes, he was really shy during class time. Yes, he never dared to look me in the eyes, but after like two months without anything actually happening, I figured he was just a shy dude. Hell, I even thought he had a crush on one of my other students because they always talked outside after class.

He was just, not interested! And that was totally fine with me, because I didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of it all.

Sweet relief.
Or so I thought.

Yesterday a large number of students were absent again. Besides Hiro, there was only one other student in the class. But it went as usual. I taught, my students learned something (hopefully), and then we all went home.

But no so fast.
Seems Hiro had something to tell me after the other student went on his way.

"Hey Shaly..."
"Oh! Yah? What is it?"
"Umm... when I get my car... umm... you, shopping, your dog..."
"Wait, what? Haha. Can you repeat that?"
"Well, when I get my car next month, I can take you shopping with your dog. I'll show you a nice place."
"Oh...! Well, thanks...! I'm-I'm looking forward to it."
"Yah! Umm... I'll give you the information, ummm... later."
"Oh, umm, ok..."

Oh boy. Here it is.

So, being as this was a highly awkward moment for me, I grabbed my things in a timely fashion and made my way out. When I went outside, Hiro was on his moped either getting ready to go, or waiting for something. I really couldn't tell which one. So I asked him if he was ok.

"Oh, yeah! I'm fine."
"Oh, good."
"So, you live really close to hear, huh?"

We ran into each other one day close to the grocery store that's almost right in front of my apartment.

"Oh, yeah! I live in Senba. Really close to the shopping center."
"Yeah, I know! We ran into each other, remember?"
"Yah... we did, didn't we? Haha. I live in the Heights. Do you know where that is?"
"Yah! Actually, that day we met, I saw you come out of your apartment. Haha. You know, you live really close to me! Like, really close."
"Oh, really? Haha. How funny..."

I really meant to say "How weird."

"So, did you walk here?"

Why? Are you gonna take me home on your bike??

"Oh, no! I came in that." -> points at bicycle
"Oh!! That's yours?? Did you buy it??"
"No, it's not actually mine."
"Oh, the school lends it to you?"
"Yah!"
"I see. Well, when I have my car, I'll take you shopping to a nice place with your dog."
"Thanks... I'm looking forward to it."

I should mention that this conversation was all in Japanese in order to explain my next point.

During class, Hiro was very sleepy, so I had to continuously ask him if he was ok. He had mentioned that that night he would work from 11pm to 6am, so I had my doubts as to whether he was gonna make it or not. So after our lengthy conversation, I told him:

「ちゃんと起きてね！」 -> "Chanto okite ne!" -> "Wake up properly, ok?" (aka "Don't fall asleep at work!!")

He heard:

「ちゃんと来てね！」 -> "Chanto _kite ne!" -> "Make sure to come to class!!" (aka "I wanna see you!!"??)

Notice how one missing letter makes all the difference.

"...??? What do you mean...? Like, every time...?"
"...??? Oh! Nonono, I said, wake up!!"
"Oh! Haha. Ok, maybe I will."
"Maybe? Haha."

So while I was trying to get him to wake up for work, he thought that I was telling him that I wanted to see him.

Yikes.

I got on my bike and said good-bye.
Left without looking back... but with a smile on my face.

Ok, I'm not gonna lie. It was a nice feeling. First, just the confirmation that my initial suspicions were right was satisfaction enough. But on top of all that, the dude is good looking, has a nice personality, and he looks like the really caring kind of guy. So, he has the potential to be a really good guy to go out with. However, dating a student, is just... so awkward, in many many ways.

First, let me point out the fact that he's about 21 years old.

Now, to be fair, that's not that young. It's pretty passable as far as age differences go, but the last guy I seriously dated was his age too, and it was just such a terribly painful experience. I'm sure you all know who I'm referring to.

Having to teach the younger person what to do, how to do it, and when to do it is just so tiring and annoying.
I don't have the patience for shit like that anymore. I barely have it for my puppy, much less for some kid who's just ultimately trying to get in my pants.

This is actually a really fucked up thing for me to be saying, since the person that I loved the most in my entire life was 7yrs my senior, and he must've had the most horrible time ever trying to teach me what I was doing wrong and showing me how to properly handle a relationship. So, now I should be the one willing to do the same for someone else, but I tried, and found out that I can't. Or maybe I just wasn't able to because I didn't love the kid, and that's kind of a big part of it all. When you love someone, truly love someone, you will let many things slide and be as understanding and forgiving as possible. However, I didn't love him, so I couldn't take any of his ignorance.

Spartan though, Spartan truly loved me. That's why he let all my shit slide and taught me how to become a better person for the sake of our relationship.

Wonder if I'll ever be able to love like that again.

Probably not.

Moving on.

So he's young, there's that. Then there's the fact that because he's young, he doesn't really have much going on for himself. He's a college student working part-time at a 7-Eleven, who plays videogames on his spare time and really dislikes his family.

Super.

So maybe I shouldn't be one to judge, but I'm not at an age to date someone who doesn't have a steady lifestyle going on. Play time is kinda running out, and it's time to start thinking about having a serious relationship and settling down. So, keeping this in mind, I need a MAN, first and foremost, not a BOY, who has a stable income and is sure about what he wants out of life. Being young, having hopes and dreams, it's all wonderful and great, but I'm way past that stage, and if what we both want doesn't coincide, then the relationship will inevitably fail.

*Sigh*

But of course, the most awkward thing of all is the fact that when I teach class, he will be there, and everything that may happen outside of class, will in one shape or another, come up during the lessons.

That is not acceptable.

I can't teach a proper class with someone making googly eyes at me the whole time, or sharing with everyone all the things he did with me over the weekend, without meaning to or on purpose. Then on my side, it's really hard to concentrate on teaching a class when all you think about is making out with your student, and hoping it gets you to at least to third base. Or maybe you start concentrating too much on not singling him out, so you give him less chance to speak or participate. Or maybe you do let him participate, but you get on every single one of his mistakes because you think you have the right to go there now, or because you want him to improve more than the rest of the class due to your new-found favoritism.

Ugh.

So many things could go so wrong, and so fast too. Not to even mention that I don't even know whether my school is ok with these kinds of relationships or not. I wouldn't be ok with them, so why should they? I don't know. The thought of a teacher dating a student, is just so... I dunno, dirty? I just don't have a good image about it at all.

But hey, all he did was tell me that he wanted to take me shopping with my dog once he gets his car. Maybe he's just being nice! Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. So why am I dragging this out into this long ass account when we haven't even talked outside of class more than once?

Because I'm crazy. That's why.

And yet... sometimes, I'm just way too good at reading people.

Either way, I'll keep you updated on the situation.

Any advice on the matter will be deeply appreciated though.

PS: Haven't heard anything from BK since that dinner talk. Starting to wonder if it's really going to happen, but it's easier on me now that I know I have a possible back up. Bahaha.

~* It's really getting colder, isn't it? *~

Fall is here and you can feel it in your bones. This is not because you have some amazing natural talent for the weather or the seasons, but because it's so fucking cold that your bones begin to hurt. Hurray.

I must say though, that the colors that come with the fall season in Japan are definitely worth seeing. I especially like the yellow leaved trees that are surrounding the lake recently. When I take Ryu for walks around the lake I enjoy looking at their bright color, and it somehow always manages to soothe me.

The power of nature is truly a marvelous thing.

On a less moving note, I'm currently watching Rush Hour 3 on TV. It has been a really long time since I've seen any of the Rush Hour movies, but when I was in my middle school days, that's the only thing I ever really watched!!

Believe it or not, the first Rush Hour movie helped me through one of the scariest moments in my life. At a point in which I had thought that I had completely lost my sanity, the silliness of Chris Tucker combined with the amazing skills of Jackie Chan somehow made the world seem like a better place. I will forever be grateful that as ridiculous as these movies are, they still exist to make me smile. Thanks Rush Hour. Throur.

My hands are freezing. Time to get my pink fuzzy fingerless gloves.

Fingerless gloves? Check. Knitted sweater? Check. Fuzzy socks? Check. Grandma-ish fleece for my legs? Check.

Good to go.

My apartment is fucking cold as hell right now. I need to get a damn heater of some kind. That would be nice not only for me, but also for the pup. I keep worrying that he's probably freezing to death in his crate, because although I know he's supposed to have his own little fur coat to keep him warm, he looks so skinny and frail to me because he's still such a young pup that it makes me think otherwise.

So, being the overprotective parent that I am, I bought him a puffy jacket to make sure he'd stay warm. However, when I took him to be groomed at the pet shop today, I think the owner advised me against making him wear any kind of clothes because Shiba-Inu are not really the kind of breed who normally subject themselves to that.

At least I think that's what she said.
I don't know exactly.

This is a problem that I have with probably 95% of the Japanese people I meet here by the way,
Because I show some kind of ability in the Japanese language, they speak to me like I can understand every single word that they're saying.

Well, I can't.
But I'll take it as a compliment, I guess?

I honestly don't know what's the deal with that, but sometimes I'm really baffled at how much they throw at me when they can perfectly tell that I can't understand what they're saying. Oh well.

The other side of that coin is that because I can speak Japanese to some degree, it automatically makes me a "half."

"Half" = half Japanese, half something else

The being barraged in Japanese doesn't bother me so much. Again, I guess I should take it as a compliment meaning that they regard my Japanese as sufficiently fluent enough to be talked to in that manner. A good sign that I definitely learned something in school.

This one though... this one always makes me angry.

Why do you ask?

Well, wow, thanks! You think I'm cool enough to be part of your people? That's so sweet of you.

Well no, it doesn't work like that.

A half is not a Japanese person. A half is a sorry imitation of what a true Japanese person should be. And call me what you want, and say that I'm wrong in thinking this way. I will respect your opinion. But to me, the fact of the matter is that a "half" is a person who although has Japanese ancestry in them, will never be a true Japanese person in the end. They're like freaks of nature. An accident. They will never be embraced the way that full blooded people are.

This is a sad, sad thing.

Japanese people place so much importance in the homogeneity that defines their culture that they leave no room for anything different to thrive within it. Yes, they will learn and adapt things from other cultures, but they will never be truly an outside thing because they will be adapted in a way which suits Japanese culture perfectly. That's where we get all the crazy Japanese versions of everything that has been invented or been popular outside Japan.

They only thrive in Japan because they are introduced in a Japanese manner.

Sigh.

Again, call me any name you want. Say that I'm wrong in seeing things this way, and show me anything you like to make me change my mind. Actually, it would be a nice change if you could. Seems like things haven't progressed at all since the last time I read a Japanese history book.

But I digress. The point here was getting to the fact that I hate being called a "half," and for many reasons.
One is because I don't even look like one. That should be the first clue as to me having absolutely no Japanese ancestry (that I'm currently aware of).

Really? Do I look Japanese in any way to you? Did my eyes give it away? Or was it the fact that my skin is naturally brown and that I have more hair on my body than you do in your entire head?

Probably too much information there, but I was just trying to make a point.

The answer to all of these would be, of course, a resounding no. Then why? Why does everyone insist on branding me as a "half" when they know damn well that I don't fit the description of one in any way?

It is because... foreigners can't speak Japanese.
Therefore, if you speak Japanese, especially with a slight degree of fluency, you MUST be a "half."
In their mind there seems to be no other explanation.

How can this foreigner speak Japanese? Well, it can't be because she started studying Japanese by herself since she was 14 and then majored in the language in college along with a major on Japanese studies. It must be because her mother is Japanese and she married some American guy somewhere, lived in America for a few years, and now they're back in Japan. Yah, that sounds about right.

Attention, dear Japanese people.

Attention.

FUCKING ATTENTION PLEASE.

Just because your language is difficult, and is only spoken in your country, does NOT, I repeat, does NOT make it impossible for others to learn it. Why are you all so bent in the belief that the Japanese language is so unique that it would be impossible for some one who is not Japanese to speak it? Whatever gave you that silly idea?

Look, my first language is Spanish.
Does it look like my English skills are lacking in any shape or form?

I can probably write essays ten thousand times better than the regular college student in America, and most of them will be native speakers of English. This is not only because I'm probably just smarter than them (yes, I will go there considering the bright minds that have graced our universities recently), but just because I can spell correctly and use grammar appropriately when required to do so.

Not a native speaker.
Pretty much mastered the language.
Jelly?

It does happen, believe it or not. People who are not of the descent the language they study is from can become fluent in it, if you weren't aware. But before we get too carried away here, let me say that I'm in no way shape or form fluent in Japanese, I'm simply just trying to make clear that non-Japanese people may also be able to master the Japanese language without having to have any Japanese ancestry. That is all.

I think that is the major reason why I get so angry at being called a "half." Yes it bugs me that you say I look like one when I know damn well I don't and you're only saying that I do because you can't wrap your head around me being able to speak the language "so perfectly," as they usually put it. Yes it bugs me that the term "half' means some one who will never be completely Japanese, but I'm not Japanese, so I could never be full even if I wanted to. Why even bother then? But what really does bug me the most is that just because I wasn't born here, or because I don't share the same history as the Japanese people, it automatically makes me too stupid to understand anything about this culture. Oh, because I neglected to mention, that it's not just the fact that they don't deem outsiders able to handle the language, but they also deem Japanese culture too intricate for outsiders to understand.

You will never know how many times I have heard the phrase "You wouldn't understand. It's Japanese culture." from people who actually appreciate me and care for me in some way.

Well, I'm sorry that I will never understand what you mean, because it's "Japanese culture."
But have you ever read the Kojiki?
No?

Oh, the Nihon Shoki perhaps then?
No?

The Pillow Book, The Tale of Genji????
NO?!?!?!

Well... that's awkward... seeing as all of those things have a deep connection with Japanese culture that I'm deeply aware of and yet you are not.

Huh.

Look, I won't pretend to know everything about Japanese culture. If I did, I wouldn't be here trying to learn about it first hand. But don't try to convince me that just because I wasn't born into a Japanese family that that renders me unable to understand Japanese culture. Maybe I won't get it in its entirety, for there is only so much one can learn in one life, but again, don't make me out to be a moron just because I wasn't born into all of this. You may be surprised at all the things that I can rub in your face with my knowledge about this culture if you push me far enough. Like the fact that I have to correct the Japanese people frolicking around the lake every time I'm taking Ryu for a walk because everyone asks me if he's "Shiba-ken" ("Shiba" breed).

It's not Shiba-ken, it's Shiba-INU,

Learn some Japanese, God.

Enough of this talk though.
Feels like I've been drinking too much Hatorade.

To be fair though, I have been bottling this up for a long time. I'm glad I could finally let it out somehow.

Looking at the brighter side of things, I received a text yesterday that made me smile like a fool:

hey sorry for the late reply
i've finished the work at last. i was too tired
it's really getting colder, isn't it?
i'm afraid i already have the plan with my boss and coworkers tomorrow
then 23th isn't holiday for my company
i'm sorry again

i'm thinking when we can meet.
next weekday i may go on a business trip to tokyo.
if ok, i'll stop mito on my way home that night to have dinner with you

--BK

So... yep! Looks like not all is lost just yet .

By the way, any idea of what "next weekday" might mean? I'm gonna have to hope that by "weekday" he actually meant "weekend," because on weekdays I usually work until 9pm or later, which is past people's usual dinner time...

So, it would really suck if the one time he actually can meet me I can't because I'll be stuck at work .
Let's hope this works out somehow. Fingers crossed!

I really want to see him