I always have the feeling that I am far more superior than anyone I meet. I think that I always think this way because of the kinds of stuff I look up on the internet (for example, Margaret Tarrant, Cheri Herouard, Jessie Wilcox Smith, and other kinds of artists, musicians, with a certain kind of ambiance, pattern in their masterpieces). So when I meet someone, there is this message in my brain "I bet you didn't choose to see the same beautiful stuff as I do on the internet." There is this culture of my mother that when you do not receive well or appreciate what people give you, you are already regarded as "bad" or ungrateful. But I do not like to "appreciate" people just because I OUGHT/SHOULD appreciate people. The essence of appreciation ought to come from natural goodwill. "Thank you"should sound from the bottom of your heart and not forceful. I am not all that deaf and blind so as to forget my ability, my consciousness/my conscience to choose and to critic. Refusal is not a sign of discord between/among people. It's just that I value my ideal.... now I sound more stupid and selfish because I do not give to other people.
I mean, feel me. I am used to seeing a lot of beautiful stuff on the internet and one is going to give me lesser than that? I have accustomed myself to see different stuff on the internet to the point that what is natural, like the things I see daily bores me. That is why I like the words of Joris Karl Huysman "Against the Nature", because his texts which contains art critic makes me imagine of vivid colors. Although I see color everyday, I do not consciously make up or create interesting, charming artistic color in my head.
I would like to live in an intelligent and gifted society full of people who are talented in conversations. I just find the Philippine media boring. Or maybe it's because the way my head registers the information is boring to me.