I think I wasted too much time. But at least I was able to discover really beautiful illustrations from the past. Particularly in France made by excellent illustrations of famous magazines. I listed them down in my notebook. I always wish that I could draw like they do. Why was not I bestowed with such a talent? Even if I draw all day it is unlikely that it will match with the same figure as theirs....My hair is totally a mess now. I hate to go online teaching and deal with Chinese children. I don't know why I hate it. Maybe I am just lazy. But I hated to work in the evening. I've been studying French. Translating articles and youtube comments to English. At first few days the desire was intense but later on it weakened. I guess it has been my natural character not to hold on to anything too long. Even in dealing with the boys it was evident that my interest did not last too long. I guess I will be single and be contented in dealing with housework only as it is the easiest?
I cannot have a livestream on youtube as I was put on a consequence for having a strike 1 which means I had uploaded something that violated the policies of th website. To tell you the truth, it was actually... was actually.... my mamelon that I posted, and, and... oh you cannot bear the surprise. You thought I was totally innocent.. but I also have my own mistakes. I know I'm crazy. I had cancelled joining the lector as I believed I wasn't fit. My mom believes that I was really called on by God to join as the lector's meeting would be held on July 18th, my birthday. But I deem it right about my decision not to join. I think I'm far from the ideal role model of catholicism. There still exists in my head about doubts in Christianity. However, if I expose myself long enough to old books and influential people in Christianity, I think I would change my mind. Awhile ago I was fascinated with the history about Cardinal Mazarin, Cardinal Richelieu, and Louis XIII and I remember that they were mentioned in the book in The Three Musketeers by Alexander Dumas who made the book as a historical, romance adventure, not sure the correct way to put it. I am really fascinated by France of the past...I will continue to read more later. I continue to save some beautiful illustrations made by brilliant illustrators in France. Most of them were educated in Ecole des Beaux-Arts, the academy where talented artists had been sent there by Cardinal Mazarin. So far it's the only best school that I know for arts but for sure there are plenty other schools that have yet to be discovered to trains artists excellently. I am so in love with the 1920s and the 17th century...