The other day, I had a dream.
In the dream I was told by someone "Freyasan, omoidashite kudasai."
What should I remember?
Recently my life theme is MEN.
I lost many important men in my life.
my grandpa, teachers, tatsuhirosan, nobodysan, hyoudousan, masasan, gousan, yoshihitosan, kensukesan, Diesel, jiji and most of all my father.
Ever since my puberty I have changed.
I don't enjoy my outside life.
During my childhood crimes like abuse, rape, etc. against women were common in tv news.
so I had a negative preconception about men, especially those who suggest their desire for me.
During my childhood, everytime I went out I often get noticed because of my face.
"you are so cute! so pretty! so beautiful! You are LADY!" blah blah
But I always hated to be said and be thought so.
So I told everyone, "I am child forever. I promise that will never change."
during my adolescent stage i refused to go outside to meet people. indeed my physical body was transforming but i had to keep my promise no matter what.
The reason I said that is maybe because I didn't like fooled and abused, and raped like the women in the tv news.
But why did mistreatment against women have big impact on me? It was just from tv news.
My father is womanizer.
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