What sort of social skills deficits do chronically lonely persons exhibit in their daily interactions? When conversing with one another, the chronically lonely spend more time talking about themselves and take less interest in what their partnet has to say than do loneyly people (Jones, 1982). Not surprisingly, lonely people often use television and radio as substitutes for interpersonal relationships.
What makes a person socially skilled? One of the most improtant factors determining social skills is the amount of personal attention given to one's partner in interaction (Kupke, 1979). People who are judged to be socially skilled direct mor questions toward their conversational partners and make more positive personal statements about them. On the other hand, the unskilled are more self-focused and less responsive when conversing. Some social scientists suggest that this sort of "conventional narcissism," in which people habitually turn conversational topics to themselves without showing interest in their partners' topics, may be more prevalent in individualist cultures than in those with collectivist orientations (Vangelisti, 1990)
A second factor related too social effectiveness is the ability to recognize and conform to social norms. People who have social skills problems often engage in situationally improper behavior. For example, they may make new acquaintances uncomfortable by disclosing very personal details about their lives. Although this sort of self-disclosure is important and valuable in intimate relationships, it is considered inappropriate when interacting with srangers and new acquaintances. Such norm violations generally discourag future encounters.