Hi, everyone! Today I practiced IELTS writing task1 so I'll uplode it with my conscience.
The book I used is "Writing for IELTS" Anneli Williams from Collins
Unit1 Part3 Writing Task1
The bar chart shows the gender gap among the education system in UK in 2010.
As we see the chart, there are more women teachers till secondary school, and then at college, the number of men teachers and women teachers will be the same. However, at privevate training institute and university, more men are working as a teacher. From this, it can be said that there are more women in lower education, and more men in upper education.
The gender gap isa large in nursery/pre-school, primary school, and university. In nursery/pre-school, the gender gap is huge such as 96% of the teachers is women. This is similar in primary school. On the other hand, university has much more man.
......It's too bad.
Compare to the answer I've found some problems abd points so I'll write it.
1.bar chart→comparing imformation
so here I should have compared men and women.
2. use more specific numbers.
I should have used more numbers and frases such as two to one (men's persentage in University)
3. use synonym
teacher/teaching post/teaching position/lecturers
I know there are more grammatical mistakes so I may rewrite it and up it again.
See you！