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In my school, there's a lot of self-conscious people.;

They don't like the way they look, they're constantly saying they're ugly. Hide from photos, etc.

But why is it, we only see ourselves like that, but when it's someone else, they say, "oh, no! you're really pretty, I'm ugly!" but your instinct is to disagree and say the contrary.

It's weird, because we don't see the way we see others sees us.

We say we're ugly, but someone says we're pretty. You say they're pretty but they say they're ugly.

Why is that?


It makes me question myself a lot, and about people.


Anyways, that was all.


I'm sorry for not updating this blog, I think I should just leave it aside as a memory, or something.


It was really fun, though.

☯

I keep telling myself things will be okay, that I’ll be okay and after I calm down & say that, everything does feel okay.

But then I go outside my room & my dad’s yelling at me again so I go hide back in my room & cry into my pillow again.

I’m tired of believing my parents.. I’m tired of my mom telling me I’ll never get the fuck out of here.

honestly I haven’t been having a good week at all and I’ve been having urges to cry since yesterday & so I did cry. I cried really badly & then I got a horrible headache.

everything has been making me upset lately… and thinking about my cats being gone makes me even more upset. I’ll be alone. I won’t have them to cuddle with or watch them fight or do those dumb things my babies do..

last night was a SuG night & I talked to a few people and my TL was filled with SuG.. it made me happy.. until I realized that I didn’t fit in with them since they knew each other….

and then it made me sad..

to realize that I was alone.

then I just kinda went to sleep & kept thinking about it, cursing at myself for thinking I could fit in.

I want to stop thinking about the bad things & I want SuG to make me happy again but right now listening to their songs isn’t even helping me, it’s making me think I’m “happy” when I’m really not.

I can’t even talk about these things anymore because it seems like no one cares, so I just keep my mouth shut. I’ve also stopped trusting people. I’m trying to stop getting my hopes up but then a small part of me does & then when it gets crushed, I blame myself.

whatever. I’m sick of doing this anyways.

What can I do to save you?
Rise and fall will take you there.
What should I do to break you?
Rise and fall will keep me here.

2013.12.13

I went to mcdonalds & DQ w/ Josué today. My sister came along too.

I was freezing my ass off in DQ and my teeth started chattering haha.

It was fun! I was able to buy my dumbbells too. Yet.. I wasted close to 20$. I wish I could earn more money, but I don’t even know how haha.

the photos above were the only 2 photos he took & sent me them. ( I took his phone, took a pic of me & sent it to my friend lol )

I’m glad I was able to talk about what was going on, I felt like I took off a big weight off of my shoulders, but at the same time, I feel more down. It helped on the way, I literally wasted my breath just talking about it since I spoke so fast. But I think I just really wanted to get it out...

I’m home now, & it’s 2AM. And I feel sick as fxck. My stomach really hurts & I made some green tea for me to drink, I’m waiting for it to cool down.

 I feel kind of sad, but I’ll probably watch The Walking Dead, draw, or watch some SuG videos to cheer me up.

I know I haven’t updated this in 2 months, but things happened, I forgot about this site (which is weird bc I always rant off on here), I got caught up with school, and kinda.. disappeared. I was going to update with something in November, but never did.

I’m not that happy my dad is coming back tomorrow. I’m happier when it’s just my mom & sister here.

Well yeah.

that’s all.

bye.