My friend Sarah used to just lie there. Flat on her back on their bed, still in her work clothes, phone in her hand but she wasn't really looking at it. Her husband Mark would walk in, loosen his tie, say something about his day. Sarah would make a noise. Not a word, just a noise. Like hmm. Then she'd scroll again. Or she'd close her eyes and pretend she was falling asleep even though it was barely eight.
This went on for months and they both pretended it was normal. Not fighting. Nothing dramatic. Just this slow growing quiet between them. He'd sit on the edge of the bed and she'd feel the mattress move and she'd think, I should ask about his day. I should sit up. I should touch his shoulder or something. But she couldn't move. Her body wouldn't do what she asked. Not sad. Not depressed. Just empty. She had nothing left. Not even enough to sit up straight.
She was always tired in relationship mode. That sounds weird but that's what she called it. She could get through work. She could answer emails. She could smile at her boss. But the second she walked through their front door, her energy disappeared. And Mark got whatever was left. Which was nothing.
He started eating dinner in front of the TV. She'd fall asleep on the couch at nine, wake up at midnight, drag herself to bed. Some nights he'd already be asleep, turned away from her side. She'd stare at his back and feel guilty. Heavy guilty. She wasn't angry at him. She just had no energy for husband stuff. The talking. The listening. The being present. It all felt impossible. She couldn't do it.
Their friends noticed before they did. At a barbecue, someone asked Mark why Sarah seemed so quiet lately. He shrugged and said she's been tired. That was it. That's all he had. She's been tired. Like that explained why his wife of six years wouldn't look him in the eye anymore.
Sarah tried the obvious stuff first. Sleeping more on weekends. Cutting out sugar for two weeks. Buying those overpriced vitamins from the Instagram ads. She'd wake up, swallow four pills, wait for something to happen. Nothing. She'd still be completely done by four in the afternoon. Still feel like she wasn't really there, even when she was standing in the same room.
Then she started wondering. Why am I always tired in my relationship? Not at work. Not with her sister. Just at home. With him. That question scared her more than anything. Because it made her think maybe she didn't love him anymore. Maybe the problem was them. Maybe she was broken.
She started reading everything she could find online. Found this Harvard Health piece. It said chronic fatigue actually changes how your brain processes emotional connection. Like, physically changes it. Tired people don't just feel less patient. They literally lose capacity for intimacy. Their brains can't do it. She sat there reading that and started crying. Because it wasn't her marriage. It wasn't Mark. It was her body. She was just drained all the time, mentally and physically, and her relationship was taking the worst of it.
She also read this post about what happens to your body after marriage. That hit her hard. She'd gained maybe fifteen pounds since the wedding. Nothing crazy. But she felt it. The heaviness. The drag. She realized her metabolism had slowed down and her body wasn't producing the energy she needed. She was exhausted every single day. She'd google low energy marriage problems and every article said communicate more. Like she could communicate her way out of physical exhaustion.
So she made one small change. Nothing dramatic. Not a diet. Not a gym membership. Just this thing she started doing in the morning. Something that supported her metabolism. A habit. She won't shut up about it now but she never names the brand, which I find hilarious. She just says, I drink this thing. That's it. I drink this thing and by ten AM I actually feel awake.
It wasn't instant. The first week she just noticed she still felt awake at three in the afternoon. The second week she cooked dinner twice. Actual dinner, not DoorDash. Mark walked in and smelled garlic and stood in the kitchen doorway looking confused. She laughed. It was the first time they'd really laughed together in maybe six months.
She told me later she used to search how to get energy back in marriage and every result said the same useless stuff about date nights and therapy and communication exercises. It wasn't about any of that. It was about her body working again. When she had energy, she wanted to be near him. She wanted to hear about his day. She wanted to reach over and touch his hand while they watched TV. She still wanted him. The tiredness just made it impossible to feel.
Now they still have quiet nights. But it's different. She's next to him. Not on the other side of the house, not pretending to sleep. Just there. Present. Sometimes they talk. Sometimes they don't. But she's there.
If something small could give you your energy back... you'd probably try it. Not fo
r him. Just for yourself.