We live in a culture that is obsessed with looking and acting sexy, but in my many years of experience, I have found that most people intellectually understand their sexual nature but do not know how to communicate it to others in self-affirming ways that enhance self-esteem and sexual confidence. As a result they are seen as kind, nice, smart, funny and even attractive or charismatic but not sexual.
Not communicating that you are a sexual person can hurt your dating (and relationship) success. You'll always feel nervous and self-consciousness, not to mention lonely.
Here are just 8 ways that add up to sexual confidence:
Certain sources1. Be sensuousness - Most of us go through life simply noticing and superficially participating in whatever comes up without the courageous urge to live more vividly, wholeheartedly and deeply. When you experience the world sensuously, the world feels like one great big playing field. The "let's-live-life" energy you project communicates that you are a sexual person in a very powerful way.
2. Play up your best physical features - Everybody has their best features, even those of us who don't think we do. Whether it's your set of perfect teeth, glowing skin, full head of hair, toned calves, rounded butt, come-hither eyes, soft hands or full lips, whatever it is, work with what you have. There is no better way to say "I like the sexual person that I am" than being at ease in your own skin.
3. Smile more - There are few things that say "sexual person" better than a warm and sincere smile. Most of us would agree that we have sometimes been too serious and perhaps too focused on looking for that special person that we forget to smile when we meet him/her.
4. Use more eye language - Eyes are the single most powerful give-aways of how we experience ourselves as sexual beings. Use of eye language is a lot more than eye contact. It involves using eye movements and facial expressions as both as senders and receivers of thoughts of the mind and intents of the heart. I've written a whole article on eye language and how to use eye language to seduce the opposite sex (article can be found in the articles section fo my website).
5. Talk about your personal sexual life - Express your sexual needs, feelings and desires from a personal perspective rather than talk about what you've read or what an "expert" said etc. Let the person get a sense of you as someone who actually experiences healthy sexual feelings and desires. However, keep the kinky and freaky stuff for another place and time - at least until you've known the person for a while.
6. Spice up conversation with sexual innuendo and sexual teasing - Be flexible about when to bring up the subject of sex, don't wait until sexual intimacy is moments away then start acting all sexual. Use sexual innuendo and sexual teasing in ways that not only show your "expertise" of the subject but also your respect for it. If you don't know how, learn it or else it can backfire big time.
7. Touch more - Touch is a primal need that we never outgrow, and sexual intercourse is the highest level of touching that involves merging one's whole being with another. Our society's neurotic fear of the sexual has demonized almost all forms of physical contact to the point where we now consider touch to be of minor importance. When the opposite sex don't get what they (primally and subconsciously) expect from you, they assume that it is because you can't deliver. You will find my article on when to touch a date, where and how - without making the person feel violated - very useful (artilce can be found in the articles section of my website).
8. Add fluidity and elasticity to your body - Sexuality is a bodily experience as much as it's a mental and spiritual one. One way to instantly boost your sexual attractiveness is through dance. Dance is a unique way of releasing your sexual energy to flow beyond the boundaries of individual physicality, drawing in and engaging another's sexual energy. If you know how to get down with the get-downs, instead of sitting for hours and hours trying to tell him or her that you are "sexy", let him or her see your effortless sexiness on the dance floor.
A healthy and positive expression of your sexual nature in ways that enhance self-esteem and relationships is mutually beneficial and harms no one. Give yourself permission to shed your childhood, social, professional, academic, and adult conditioning. When you shed your awkwardness and are no longer holding yourself back, you are more expressive and free, loving and non-judgemental, vitally alive and magnetic. More sexually visible!