ディフェンスを終えたよ ENG
先週の水曜日の午後、博士号取得のための最終関門であるディフェンスが終わった。この5年間がその日のためにあったようなものなのに、時間はそれまでと同じように過ぎて、体感としてはあっけなく終わった。そして試験はパスしたので、あとは博士論文を少し修正したら博士となる。ディフェンス直前の1週間、急遽コミティーのうちひとりが手術の予定が入ったのでディフェンス前日に個別でプレゼンをしたり、就活で応募している企業との二次面接が入ったりと、なかなか臨機応変に対応しなければならなかったのだが、結果的にすべてがうまくつながって、ディフェンスでもスムーズに自分の研究内容を解説できたり質疑応答できた気がする。書きたいことはたくさんあるが、今は簡潔に感想を書き残しておく。一番強く思ったことは、日常は日常でしかないということ。自分にとってどんなに大事な日が迫ってようと、結局はこれまで積み上げてきた日々の延長線上にしか「大事な日」も存在できない。昔の自分よ、時間は同じように過ぎるので、その日を境に世界がおわるのかおわらないのかなんて考えないほうがいい。「大事な日」が一過的であることは否定できないので、それだけが最後のよりどころだと思って頼らないほうがいい。マジョリティである「大事じゃない日常の過ごし方」が「大事な日の過ごし方」を決める。だから毎日のルーティンをあきらめるな。特にニューヨークがロックダウンしていた頃、先が全く見えずに絶望していた。あの頃やっていたことは自分の精一杯だった。でも「もしすべてがうまくいくとしたら何をしたい？」という掴んでは消えるような希望を現実には捨てなかったのはよくやったと思う。日常は続く。へまをする日も、幸福に満ちた日も、単なる繰り返しに思える日も、自分はこんなに泣けるのかと驚く日も、私たちはずっと受け止め続けられる、その日までの自分もそうしたように。--Last Wednesday afternoon, I finished the final defense of my Ph.D. degree. It was as if the last five years had been for that day, but time passed as quickly as it had, and the experience was as easy as it could be. Since I passed the exam, all that was left was to make a few corrections to my doctoral dissertation and I would be a doctor.During the week before the defense, one of the committee members was suddenly scheduled for surgery, so I needed to do a practice talk with her over Zoom a day before the defense, and I had a second interview with a company to which I was applying for a job.Theywere kindof "out-of-blue",-but simultaneously "connecting dots"-,events, where I was able to get ready for answering questions that would be asked spontaneously on my defense.There are many things I would like to write about my defense, but for now, I will keep my impressions brief.The thing I felt most strongly about was that every day is just every day.No matter how important the day is for me, in the end, the "important day" can only exist as an extension of the days I have accumulated so far. To my old self, time passes in the same way, so don't think about whether the world will end or not after that day. It is undeniable that the "big day" is transient, so don't rely on it as the last resort. How youspend your"unimportant days", which is the majority, determines how youspend your"important days. So don't give up your daily routine.Especially when New York was in lockdown and I was in despair with no idea of what lay ahead. What I was doing back then was the best I could do. But I kept askingmyself, "If everything were going to be as good as planned, what would you want to do?" I think I did a good job of not giving up on hope, which seemed to me like an illusion back then.Everyday life goes on. We can keep accepting the days when we screw up, when we are happy,when it seems like just another day, and when we are surprised at how much we can cry, just as wedid until that day.
