金曜日の夜で、ちょいと発泡酒たしなみほろ酔いの玲香です。
いやぁ・・・トーストマスターズのコンテスト、見事に散りました！
いつもよりはちゃんとスクリプト作りこんで練習したのですが、まだ練習全然足りませんでした。
それに、いつもは不思議なくらい「いざスピーチ！」となったら緊張が解けて、前で話すことが気持ちよくなる感覚があるのに、全くその瞬間が訪れないまま、ガチガチ頭真っ白で言葉見つからず…、タイムキーパーさんの赤カード見て慌てて終わらせた感じでした。
きっと時間もオーバーしてたなぁ。
手応えゼロ！
しかし、何がここまで自分を緊張させたのか…
緊張したままスピーチしたらどうなるのか…
と、初めての気づきや感覚があったのは、収穫です。
緊張を解く方法も見つけないと！
あぁぁぁぁ悔しい！
悔しいけど嬉しい！
まだまだ上手になりたい。
結局今回作ったスピーチはここで終わりで、メッセージを多くの人に届けることはできなかったので、自分のスピーチだし、ここに載せちゃお！7分半を恐らく超えてしまったスピーチなので、覚悟してお読みください♪
The Best Choice for You
When you were a child; weak and struck down with a fever. How did your parents take care of you? Did they stay with you all day long? Did you have to fend for yourself?
My mother stayed home, cooked warm and sweet vegetable soup, made fresh apple juice, and wiped my body with a hot towel. I felt so special to be treated like that. Many times, I put a thermometer under the light or rubbed it hard to pretend that I had a high fever.
My mother’s feelings were never clear, until one day, I became a mother. My daughter, ❤❤❤ is 10 years old. I started to work when she was 9 months old. I was entrusted with a new project to run an afterschool English program called “Kids’ Land” at a private school. Everything was new and extremely challenging but enormously fun. After few months, ❤❤❤ caught a cold for the first time. Her face was crimson with fever and crying a lot. “What should I do!?” I hold her and walk around the room.
I panicked.
I just had a strong feeling that “I have to stay with her.” I called my coworker and asked to substitute with me. It went okay, I thought. When I went back to work, the coworker told me how difficult it was to be with 30 unknown kids for 3 hours only using English. Worse things could have happened, she said. I noticed that I left my huge responsibility to someone else pretty easily. That wasn’t professional at all. Then I decided, “I’m not going to skip my work anymore.” I looked up and found some kids’ hospitals which take care of sick children, signed up, and used them whenever ❤❤❤ got sick.
Though leaving a sick daughter wasn’t as easy as I expected. She always cried, “Mommy! Mommy!” when I left her. I told myself she’ll be fine, she’ll be happier and better with a good nurse and I’ll be better at work.
One year later, in the morning, I woke ❤❤❤ and tried to feed her. She likes eating. Weak, she didn’t even open her mouth and asked me to hold her. Helping her onto my lap I said: “hey look, this is your favorite fruit, strawberry. Eat it. It’s really yummy.”
She slowly opened her mouth and ate it. Soon, everything in her stomach gushed out from her mouth like a fountain! Oh! No! I tried to calm myself, cleaned everything, took her to the hospital and left her there as usual. After 2 days, unexpectedly, her condition was getting worse. She was too weak to even cry. I still thought being at hospital would be better than being with me. When I got home, my mother in law who was taking care of ❤❤❤ said, “Now, she is not even responding. It’s really not good. You should take her to an emergency hospital.” “Is she that bad!? What should I do? What about my… job?” While I was going to the hospital, I called one of my coworkers and explained the situation. With a booming loud voice, she shouted: “What? Are you insane? Forget about the job! Don’t think about anything but ❤❤❤. Just, just please; be with her. You’re her mother! No one else can be that.” All the feelings I had pushed down deeply came rushing up and turned to tears. What I could do was just hold ❤❤❤ and weep, saying “I’m sorry”. She had to stay in the hospital for two weeks. I stayed with her for two weeks. I was worried about my job but it was much better to be with her, not for her but for myself.
I have changed my way of thinking since then. I used to think “being a good mother” and “being a good worker” are on the same line. If I try to be a good mother, I get farther from a good worker. If I try to be a good worker, I move farther from being a good mother. I was wondering where to put myself. Wait a minute; who is judging “good” or “bad”? Who knows what really is best for a child? Who will be responsible for that!?
Then start thinking, what is really important for me. What matters to me?
There were so many different things I had to consider and make decisions. How many hours can I work? How much salary should I earn? What if I have overnights job? What if my child gets sick? We actually have many choices for each point. Because society, companies, and families are more supportive with raising kids nowadays.
However many mothers are struggling with a pressure of being a good mother and a good worker. So I want to say, it’s not about good or bad; it’s whether you feel right or not. Please remember, it’s your life. Ask yourself, what feels right. It’s okay to follow that. Let’s appreciate the support we have and the freedom to choose what is important to us… learn to use that for a happy and fruitful life.
The best choice for YOU, I’m sure your child will love that, too.