母親であっても父親であっても
自分の子は、自分の遺伝子が受け継がれていると感じるし、子供が育つ過程で自身のルーツを見つけるシーンは多くあると思います。
嬉しい反面、考えさせられることもありますし自分の過去を振り返ったり懐かしい思いにふけったり、多くの気づきを与えてくれます。
一方で全く違う一面（遺伝ではないぞ？）に気付かされることがその比でないほど多くあるように思います。
もちろん子供について遺伝の影響は大きいと考えます
でも、私は実際子育てをしてみてとても反省していることの一つにこの遺伝の影響を重要視し過ぎた、ということがあります。 自分の子だから、遺伝の影響で、私はこう育ってきた、などルーツに起因した考えはとても思考を狭めると思います。
子供にはこんな感じで育ってほしい = 自分はこうでありたかった、であったり自分が育った環境を押し付けたり...
自分の子であっても、全く違う個なのだと受け止められたのは子供が10代を過ぎた頃でした。
受け止められるかどうかが親の器と思います。
自分が通ってきた道が全てではないのは頭ではわかっていてもなかなか思考は変えられないです。
子供は新しい考えや固有の感覚を持ち、その考えに従って進みたいと意思表示します。
それは親にとってはまったく理解し難いものであることもありますし、親にとっての常識とは大きくかけ離れた行動である場合もあったりします。
でも.... 子供ってそんなにガチガチにルールで締め付けなければいけないのだっただろうか？？
しっかり寝て、ご飯をいっぱい食べて たくさん遊んで
好きなことを見つけて さえいれば 多少部屋が散らかってようが、親の好きじゃないものを好んでいようが良いのではないか？
親が嫌いなものを好きになる場合もあれば、親が特に気にしないものに興味を示すこともあり、全く共感できない思考を持ち合わせることもあれば、親とおんなじ思考を示すこともある
そういった個の違いを「自身」の子供に対して許容できるようになるまでとても長い年月を要してしまったと感じます
親である前に、自分が自己を見つめ直しそれを他へ押し付けることなく、共存すること
頭ではわかっていても
本当に難しいです
でも自分を大切にし、そして自分に素直にできるようになれば
難しさの多くが減りとてもシンプルに見えてきます
自分の子供であって、別の人格であることを認めそしてそれを伸ばせるようになるためには
まずは自己の考えを整理する必要があります
とっても苦しい道のりですが整理するととても晴れやかです
そして他者にも優しくなれます
少しずつ一歩を踏み出しましょう
Whether you are a mother or a father.
I feel that my children have inherited my genes and there are many scenes in which my children find their own roots in the process of growing up.
On the one hand, it is a joy, but it can also make you think and look back on your past, indulge in nostalgic thoughts and give you a lot of insights.
On the other hand, it can make you realise a completely different side of yourself (not genetic?). On the other hand, I think there are so many times when you realise that there is a completely different side (not genetic?) to you.
Of course, I believe that genetics has a big influence on children.
But one of the things that I have reflected on very much in my parenting is that I put too much emphasis on this genetic influence. I think it's very narrow-minded to think that because it's your child, because of genetics, because of the way I was brought up, because of my roots.
I want my child to grow up like this = I wanted it to be this way, or I impose the environment I grew up in...
It wasn't until my children were past their teenage years that I was able to accept that they were completely different individuals, even if they were my own children.
I think it is the capacity of a parent to be able to accept this.
It's hard to change your thinking, even if you know in your head that the path you have taken is not the whole path.
Children have new ideas and unique sensations and express a desire to follow those ideas.
Sometimes this is completely incomprehensible to the parent, and sometimes the behaviour is very far from the norm for the parent.
But .... Did children have to be so rigidly confined by rules?
Sleep well, eat lots of food, play a lot.
As long as they find something they like to do, doesn't it matter if their room is a bit messy or if they like something their parents don't like?
Sometimes they like things that their parents don't like, sometimes they are interested in things that their parents don't particularly care for, sometimes they have thoughts that they don't share at all, sometimes they have the same thoughts as their parents.
I feel that it has taken me a very long time to be able to tolerate these individual differences in my 'own' child.
Before being a parent, you have to look at your own self and not impose it on others, but coexist with it.
Even though I know it in my head
It's really difficult.
But if you learn to take care of yourself and be honest with yourself
A lot of the difficulties are reduced and it becomes very simple.
To be able to recognise that you are your own child and that you are a different personality, and to be able to develop that, you have to
First of all, you have to sort out your own thoughts.
It's a very painful journey, but it's a very clear one.
And you can be kind to others.
Let's take one step at a time.