こんばんは
毎日暑いですね....
日中に外に出ると、危険だと感じてしまいます
高校生の娘はこの暑い中部活に行って暑い中走りっぱなしだと思うと本当に尊敬します..
体調管理にお気をつけて、この夏元気に乗り切りましょう！！
さて、今日は「許すこと」について書きたいと思います
例えば、全く身に覚えのないことを大勢の前で非難されたり
自分の本意でないことを自分の意思とは関係なく決断されたり（子供時代だとあり得ますかね）
それが長くしこりとなって、心の根っこにずっと住み着いている...なんてこと心当たりある方も中にはいらっしゃるかもしれません。
生きていれば、1つや2つあるのではないかなと想像します。
私は数え切れないくらいありますが、中でも大きく2つありました。
1つは親の判断で1本歯を抜かれてしまったこと
2つ目は数年前お酒の席で言われもない様な誹謗中傷を浴びてしまったこと
他の人からすると、なんてことないことかもしれません。
でも自分にとってはどうしても許し難いことだったりするんですよね。なぜ自分の判断で選べなかったのか..だったり
私のことをおもしろおかしくいって何が楽しかったんだろう、、だったり。
いずれも長い時間の果てに相手を責める気持ちはなくなってもその事実が自分を苦しめて長く消化できない日々が続いていました。
起きた事実は変わらないですよね... 歯がなくなってしまったこと・多くの人の前で誹謗中傷された事実
どちらも過去は変えられないし失ってしまったものは戻らない
そんな状況の中でどうやって許せばいいんでしょう。。。
自分は長く苦しみ続けました
相手はまさか私がそこまで苦しい思いをしているとは思いもよらなかったと思います。
私が取った手段は、相手と辛かった気持ちを共有することでした。
我慢せずに、でも感情的にならずに伝えるのです。
そうすると相手も実は苦しい思いをしていたことに気づいたりして、、そうやって相手との対話を通じて苦しい思いが成仏していくのを実感できるのです。
実は歯を抜かれてしまったことは母と話せていません。
何度も言おうかと思いましたが、その当時の自分だと母を罵る言葉しか思い浮かばず、結局のところ言い出せませんでした。
私が当時果たしたい思いとは全く違う言葉が出てきそうだったからです。
今ならフラットに言えそうですが、もう今となってはどうでも良くなってしまいました。
母への想いは、この件だけでなく様々な事象が複雑に絡み合っているので一端だけでは言い尽くせないです
またの機会に....
苦しい思いを解き放つには自分自身の苦しみを正しく理解する必要があるんだと、、つい最近つくづく思うのでした
Good evening.
It's hot every day. ....
When I go outside during the day, I feel unsafe.
I really admire my daughter, who is in high school, when I think that she goes to club activities in this heat and keeps running in the heat...
Take care of yourself and get through this summer in good health!
Now, today I would like to write about forgiveness.
For example, when you are accused in front of many people of something you don't remember at all...
For example, being accused in front of many people of something you don't remember doing, or having decisions made against your will that you didn't really want to make (this is possible when you are a child).
It has become a long-lasting lump that has taken up residence in the roots of your mind... Some of you may have some idea of this.
I imagine that if you are alive, you may have one or two.
I have lost count, but there were two major ones.
One was my parents' decision to have one tooth pulled.
The second was a few years ago, when I was slandered in an unspeakable way at a drinking party.
To other people, this may seem like a trivial matter.
But for me, it was unforgivable. Why didn't I make my own choice? Or...
Or they wonder what fun it was to talk about me in such a funny way.
After a long time, I no longer blamed the other person, but the fact of it tormented me and I could not digest it for a long time.
It doesn't change the fact that it happened... The fact that I lost my teeth and the fact that I was slandered in front of many people.
Neither can you change the past, and what you've lost can't come back.
How can I forgive in such a situation?
I suffered for a long time.
I don't think the other person had any idea that I was suffering so much.
The steps I took were to share my painful feelings with the other person.
I told them without holding back, but without getting emotional.
In this way, I could realise that the other person was actually suffering too, and through this dialogue with them, I could feel that my painful feelings were being put to rest.
In fact, I haven't been able to talk to my mother about having my teeth pulled.
I thought about telling her many times, but at that time I could only think of words to curse her, so in the end I couldn't say anything.
I couldn't say it because the words would have come out completely different from what I wanted to fulfil at the time.
I would be able to say it flatly now, but it doesn't matter now.
My feelings for my mother are complicated by many events, not just this one, so I can't say it all at one end!
I'll come back to it another time: ....
I have recently come to realise that I need to understand my own suffering in order to release it!