Bill:
Hello, Jennifer.
Jennifer:
Good morning, Mr. Parrish. The board is waiting.
Bill:
What? The board?
Jennifer:
Didn’t you call a board meeting?
B:
No.
Good morning.
[all] Morning, Bill？
Drew:
Did you want to have a cup of coffee or something, Bill?
B:
I don’t think so. Do you?
D:
To get to the point, we’ve received new information from John Bontecou concerning his desires for this company to merge with his.
And we wanted to set the details before you.
B:
Is that it?
D:
Bontecou wants a quick response,and—
B:
The answer is no.
Quick enough for you?
D:
Don’t you want to hear the details?
B:
I’m not interested in the details, and I’m not interested in the big picture either.
What I am interested in is how my board got convened behind my back and is entertaining a further proposal from a man with whom it offered me to do business.
I made a decision.
Case closed.
D:
So am I to understand from your response that you do not want to hear the details of Bontecou’s offer?
B:
Yes, you are to understand that.
And now, may I ask you a question?
D:
Certainly, Bill.
B:
Are you running this board, or am I?
That’s it?
We’ve got a busy day ahead.
This meeting’s already set me behind.
Shall we adjourn?
D:
Before we do, Bill, we’re here…
B:
Mmm-hmm.
D:
There’s a second question the board would like a response to.
Far simpler one.
Who is the man standing to your left?
B:
I’ve already introduced Mr. Black to you all.
D:
But who is he?
What are his credentials?
What is his relationship to you?
The board is deeply concerned.
We have reason to believe Mr. Black is not only influencing your decisions in regard to this company, but that you are relying on him to make them for you.
The lack of response, Bill, is not appropriate.
We are your board.
We have a right to know how you are managing the operations of this company and, most importantly, that you have not delegated someone to do it for you.
Okay?
One more time.
Who is Joe Black?
A motion has been brought before the board to invoke Article 19 of the corporate charter.
B:
In English, please.
[sighs]
D:
Mandatory retirement on our Chairman’s 65th birthday, at which time the Chairman will be named emeritus.
You’re welcome to attend all meetings and will serve as international spokesman for the corporation.
Plus, of course, a settlement, a golden parachute or such magnitude that his feet will never touch the ground.
Please indicate your vote by a yes or no.
D:
Motion’s passed.
We will, of course, delay the announcement out of respect for our former Chairman until after the celebration of his birthday this weekend.
B:
Well, thanks for allowing me to save face, Drew.
D:
The other motion before us is the acceptance of John Bontecou’s offer to merge this corporation with Bontecou International.
B:
Okay. Joe?
Joe:
Who I am and what my relationship is to William Parrish will be divulged in our own good time.
D:
Okay. Thank you, Mr. Black.
D:
Good evening, Bill.
B:
Thank you, Quince.
D:
I just wanted to say how appreciative I am of this grand gesture.
B:
Shut up and sit down.
You’re a useless sack of shit, Drew.
You played footsie with John Bontecou so you could dismember my company to line your own pockets.
D:
I don‘t know where you get that idea. The board agreed—
B:
The board didn’t know you were a mole.who borrowed inside so you could bury us all.
D:
Is this Mr.Black’s fantasy?
Another one of his whoppers?
Aren’t you sick of this asshole lurking around?
Nobody knows who he is.
But one thing everybody does know, he somehow got your ear and has been pouring poison into it ever since.
B:
You’re the poison, Drew.
Joe:
You’ve operated behind the scenes to suborn the trust of a man who has stamped you with his imprimatur of class, elegance and stature.
D:
I’ve had the opportunity to be witness to every kind and degree of deception.
J:
But Bill Parrish has been on the receiving end of machinations so Machiavellian
that it has rarely been my experience to encounter.
And yet, he has combated them stoically and selflessly without revealing my identity.
Had he violated the vow of secrecy he took, his task would have been far easier.
He could have turned defeat into victory.
But he is too honorable a man to have done that. Because of me, he has lost his work, his company, his reputation.
So now, given those losses, I’m compelled to end the need for secrecy.
The time has come to tell you who I am.
D:
So tell me.
Tell me.
I’m peeing in my pants.
J:
And you’re going to pee some more.
B:
Joe, don’t do this.
J:
It’s okay, Bill. It’s time we put this person in his place.
B:
It’s not necessary, Joe. Drew’s gonna step aside.
D:
I’m not stepping anywhere.
J:
I appreciate your gentlemanliness.
But what we need to do here is drive the dagger home .
D:
“The dagger “?
B:
I told you to shut up!
J:
Prepare yourself, Drew.
I
B:
Joe, please.
J:
Bill, kindly let me take it from here.
Am
B:
Don’t.
J:
An agent for the Internal Revenue Service.
Bill?
B:
Huh?
J:
Bill.
B:
Yeah. [clears throat]. Yes, He‘s… He’s an agent for the Internal Revenue Service.
Yes, we have convinced that Bontecou, on past deals, has structured his mergers and acquisitions in suspicious and complicated ways so as to evade paying the taxes he is liable for.
The agency asked Bill for his cooperation in an undercover investigation of Bontecou.
J:
We wanted to go after him, and this deal gave us that perfect opportunity.
B:
And I offered to cooperate.
J:
And we’re very grateful.
B:
Uh, Agent Joe Black here… Of course, that’s not his real name.
Smelled out your involvement, Drew.
He developed evidence you were working both sides of the fence.
Unfortunately, that is what is known as a conflict of interest.
J:
Undisclosed conflict of interest.
B:
An offense.
J:
An indictable offense.
B:
And a likely conviction.
J:
Very likely.
D:
I think I’d like to talk to my lawyer.
B:
No lawyers, Drew.
We’re gonna offer you a deal.
Confess to the board every detail of your participation, then submit your resignation.
D:
What do I get?
B:
You get not to go to jail.
D:
You’re talking through your hat.
You’re offering me a deal because you’ve got no proof.
B:
Proof? We’ve got plenty of proof.
J:
He’s talking through his lips.
Drew, make no mistake.
Should you choose to test my resolve in this matter, you’ll be looked at an outcome that will have a finality that’s beyond your comprehension.
And you will not be counting the days or the months or the years, but millenniums in a place with no doors.
D:
All right, you win.
Soon as I get back to the city, I meet with the board.
Eddie:
You’re meeting with the board right now, Drew.
Resignation accepted.
Moreover, I propose a motion to reconfirm William Parrish
as Chairman of the Board of Parrish Communications, as well as a rejection of the merger with Bontecou International.
How say you, board?
-[man] Yes.
-[man 2] Yes.
-[man 3] Yes.
-[man 4] Yes.
-[man 5] Yes.
-[man 6] Yes.
-[man 7] Yes.
-[man 8] Yes.
Eddie:
The motion is passed.
B:
Thank you. That’s great.
But it’s more than I bargained for.
I just wanted to set the record straight.
Eddie:
You have.
Sounds like these guys want you back, Bill.
We’ll get their apologies later.
Meanwhile, enjoy your party. Celebrate.
I’ll attend to the nasty details.
And.
Mr.Black, may we say thank you?
J:
My pleasure.
This is an IRS agent’s dream.
I’ll be promoted chief of section office.
D:
Who would have believed it?
You an IRS agent?
J:
Death and taxes.