We stumble across about a million things in our every day lives that make us think, make us remember, make us become aware about certain situations or realization. Some of these things maybe funny to us when we remember them, some can remind us of painful memories, some… just make us realize how we have left those things behind us, how much we have grown, how much progress we have made.
Recently, I have stumbled across this certain quote from Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism. (Side note: I am not Buddhist, although I do some reading about other religion ‘cause it fascinates me. And though I was born a Catholic and practice it, the more and more I learn about other religions, the more and more similarities I find within each of them. It’s very interesting!)
The quote said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned.”
It made me think about the people who angered me, who hurt me, who made my life a living misery in the past. Then, as I went through the short list that I have, I can only remember their names and faces. I no longer remember the pain they have inflicted.
I used to be an angry person. I used to hate each and every single person who did me wrong. I used to make certain feelings, certain judgement, certain actions - unwelcome. I hated love. I loved to hate. I couldn’t forgive, I chose not to forget. In my mind, reconciliation does not exist. I believed one day, I will get them back. One day, I will make them feel the excruciating pain they have once brought upon me. I knew time will come, I will get my revenge.
My heart turned into an ice cold piece of shit organ. My heart was filled with anger, anger towards these horrid people, and most significantly, anger towards myself. And that, I believe, is the worse kind of anger. Nobody said sorry, nobody said anything. I didn’t. They didn’t.
Years later, that’s not the case. I grew up and I grew out of it. No longer do I feel hatred in my heart. I may not know if they regretted what they have done, but either way, I have found it in my heart to forgive. I found it in my heart to forget. My heart became so much easier to carry, so much lighter from the baggage I used to carry.
I have learned to forgive. I have learned to let go of the past, surrender the painful grudges that once taken over me. I have learned to let go! And most of all, I have learned not to grasp on hot coals & throw it back to them. Cause in return, my hands, well, it doesn’t burn anymore.