Love is just like a burning flame, like the fire coming out of a Bunsen burner. If we did every step in the protocol correctly, we would have been able to successfully do a combustion reaction experiment. But if done carelessly, we would have failed and do something reckless like burn the whole Chemistry lab and destroy everything. So much for love, right? It can be good and it can be bad.
Sometimes, being with some people is a great challenge. Yet, you don’t want to quit without giving it a good fight. I mean, when Kaepernick threw that pick-six in the beginning of the first quarter against Green Bay, we didn’t throw him under the bus. Shit, I didn’t leave the stands back in ’10 when the Niners couldn’t even score against the Buccaneers. No one appreciates a fair-weather fan. As soon as someone rocks the boat, do we make the effort to stabilize it or just bail? So much like the start of every relationship. You don’t just give up that easily. You find some ways, somehow to adjust to this new stage in life.
But sometimes, no matter how hard we try, there’s got to be a point where we realize that enough is enough. There’s a fine line between fighting for someone and just simply fighting without a cause. And sad to say that most of the time, it is the latter. It’s heartbreaking because by the time you figure that out, you’ve wasted a certain amount of time you wish you could get back. Let’s face it, we can’t. So much for wanting love, huh? Well, that’s life. But do you ever look back and wondered why things went wrong? Of course. We’re human and thinking critically is a natural thing to do. And there are a million and one reasons why we wish we stayed, but then, there’s also a million and two why we didn’t (or shouldn’t).
When we fall for someone, I feel like at times, we forget that we are lovely, we are beautiful and handsome, that we are brilliant and intelligent, that we are respectable and so much more. I think we become too reliant of our significant others to remind us that we are all of these things, when we should have a good understanding of who we are and what we are made of. Then, when they start to slip and neglect to make us remember, we are often uncertain of our pride and our self-worth. I once heard the phrase, “First find yourself and then keep yourself.” It’s always a heartbreaking image seeing a friend (or worse, ourselves) lose himself or herself in order to morph into their significant other’s expectations. And usually when that happens, they are a complete stranger to us, and worse, to their own self.
The older I get, the more I realize that everyone will have a past. We will never be their first kiss, the first person they say, “I love you” to, the first time they’ll introduce to the whole family, the first person that will live in the same roof, and so much other first times. And frankly, that’s perfectly okay. We’ve all been there and we’ve all done that, and there’s nothing we can do to change anyone’s life before we even walked in. All we can really ask for is for that person to accept that about us, and for us to look past their past.
Nobody is perfect because life is all about the trials and errors. The more relationships we get, the clearer we understand that perfection isn’t something we can expect from others, as well as something that should not be expected from us. Given that, however, it is still essential to have standards. At this point, I’ve realized it’s so much more than the physical attributes, how much they make, how many men or women he could have chosen, but you came out on top, or that you’re the “main” one. These are things that we now must put in the back seat and focus more on the substantial and significant things like – having goals, being hardworking, honesty and loyalty, being family oriented and even being able to take care of himself and keeping himself clean and healthy. Plus, why must we settle for being the main one? When we should be the only one. I am constantly reminded by my mother that if I do not see being married to this certain someone in the future, I shouldn’t invest anymore time and emotion because clearly, the clock is ticking and time is slipping away. I guess what she’s trying to say is that we can’t waste any more time pleasing and dragging relationships with the wrong people.
When trust is an issue, love can never live in the same home. We’ve all been cheated and lied to, sometimes, we’ve also cheated and lied to others. Being in love with someone who blatantly lies to you can make you feel like a crazy person, even if your whole life, you’ve never acted that way. Any time the phone vibrates or any phone call in the middle of the night will always remind you of that moment you found out he or she is making a fool out of you. And no matter how many times they get down on their knees, beg for forgiveness and convince you they have changed, you’re in it for another blow in the second round. Even worse, there’s a chance he or she won’t trust you either and will do everything to make you feel as if you’re the one who’s doing something wrong.
“Don’t hate the player, change the game.” I beg to differ. Stop. Playing. Games. Every woman wants to be called the “game changer.” But why do we have to work that hard into forming him into someone ideal for us? Changing for someone is one thing. Changing anyone is another. It never ends how it’s supposed to in movies. We usually just end up hating each other for it.
Lastly, love is not enough. It’s already given that we “love” this person. But love should not be the only factor and reason why we are with this person, especially when the love for our own self is in jeopardy. A relationship is always a two way street. Remember, it’s complementary, not supplementary. We should never need someone to fill the void in our lives and we should be happy with ourselves before we can ever share that happiness with another person. No man or woman is worth questioning your value and no one has the right to make you feel less of yourself and that you are not enough. With ever heartache and every heart break, we must learn the lesson and move on. Trust me, it gets easier and easier everyday. The best person that’ll love you is yourself. And there’s no other person that will understand and love you unconditionally.
If you are having uncertainties in your relationship and the only motivation for holding on is “because I love him or her,” then, it’s time to leave. Sadly, love is not enough, so please hold the door open for me, ‘cause it’s the last thing I’ll ever ask from you.