you wish

It's been a couple of days already since this happened to be like this.


It's kinda hard to explain, and you wouldn't probably understand it either, but I wish you'd get some of it at least.


I just didn't want to take away what you had had for the past several years from you. You say you wouldn't mind, but I do mind. I didn't want you to lose anything because of our relationship, even if you began to hate it eventually.

I was never being a part of it. I just pretended that I was a part of it. I wish I had been able to be in, but it never happened. Who really needed me, for example?

I might not be able to find anything, from now on, which could make me feel I would be a part of something. However, it simply hits me that you just left it there as it was, not doing anything with it for me.

I would not probably understand how you feel, but so wouldn't you.

離れる

住む世界が違うから、という簡単な理由で
離れようとする。


連絡は来ない。




恐らく彼の世界で楽しんでいるのだろうと思う。



言葉だけなら、簡単なんだ。

何度も何度も

繰り返し考える。


あなたが私を嫌った理由は何だったのだろうかと。

特に頻繁に会いもしなかった私に対して、
憎悪を感じる程の出来事は何だったのだろうかと。


あなた方は何故そんな根拠も、理由もなく、
まるで誰かの他人を傷つけることが出来たのだろうかと。
何故それに便乗してまたより傷つけようとするのかと。


きっと理解しようとする試みは、
余り意味がないのだろうとは思うのだけれど。