I got an email from my mom today. I think writing letters to me regularly is like going to a therapy for her. In her long emails (or actual letters, sometimes), she doesn't only talk about her everyday lives but she also expresses her emotions and feeling as well.
In the email which I received today, she talked about the stories of the times when my dad (her husband) collapsed on the floor twice at the house in the past few days. It was not like he passed out or anything, but still, she must be scared although she seemed very calm about it. She thought that it was due to his low blood sugar level because he had been so busy, and his eating schedule was being kind of off lately.
It’s fascinating that her biggest concern (or a biggest problem in other words) is pretty much still about her husband. She seems very uneasy about her husband's “very selfish” behaviors, eating habits, drinking habit, his obsessions with his job, etc., etc.
My mom is a deep thinker. She loves to find meaning and metaphors in everyday event. She analyzes everything, but she is not very good at seeing things from different points of view. I think about her quite often, but in reality, I live very far from her, and there is not much things I can do for her. I tried psychotherapy for my mental health when I was going through a very difficult time about three years ago. During the therapy sessions, I was shocked to find out that I had very mixed feeling about my mother.
I guess any mother and daughter relationships are kind of complex one way or another. I’m very thankful for the fact that she gave birth to me, and raised me very responsibly. Even she was stuck in a not-very-happy married relationship to my dad, she did the best she could. I don’t doubt the fact that she is a tough cookie. I often wonder if her life would’ve been better if she got divorced from my dad. However, if she did get divorced, she couldn’t have raised me the way she did.
I like Yashiro Aki-san a lot. She is a very charming person, but what I really like about her is her beautiful face. Her personality is revealed through her face. Her motherly, affectionate, but dignified look reveals that she went through so many things in her life, but she never gave up, and fought through all of them. She forgave others and probably herself in many points of her life.
I like my mom’s face too. I miss her pretty smile.
