SOME time ago, I had this lovely letter from my much admired colleague Steve Biddulph. Looking through my documents I discovered that I had never shared Steve's research and wisdom in my column, so do so now.
Dear John,
Sexy Leather LingerieThanks for your invitation to comment on why I think fathers matter. Here's my response.
For a while there, judging by the messages from TV and other media, you'd be forgiven for thinking dads were disposable. They just provide the sperm, and then leave. Or they stayed, but only to pay the bills.
The 20th century dad was supposed to be a walking wallet, and not much else. But men today have resisted this and made sure they played a bigger part - teaching their children, playing with them, and making them feel special and worthwhile.
Recently a wealth of research has emerged that shows that fathers have huge beneficial effects on their children's lives - much more than was ever suspected.
For example, children with fathers living at home...
- Get better results at school
- Go further in school and more often on on to university
- Are less likely to get into trouble at school
- Are better at mathematics
- Are better at reading
- Have higher levels of compassion and empathy
- Have higher self-esteem.
- Are less likely to be violent
- Are less likely to be victims of violence
- Are less likely to be victims of sexual abuse or assault
- Are less likely to get in trouble with the law.
- Are less likely to commit suicide.
- Are less likely to get involved with drugs
- Are less likely to get pregnant, or get someone pregnant, during their teens
- Are more likely to have happy marriages and be good parents themselves.
The more involved with his children a father can be, the more these benefits grow.
Even a divorced or separated father can keep the positive benefits if he stays involved, and keeps a kind but authoritative role - making sure kids do their homework, behave well, and so on.
Kids need dads; it's as simple as that.
I see the essentials of a good father would include these points:
- MAKE TIME: Quality time is a big lie - quantity time matters too. Fathers need to get home in time to play, laugh, teach, and talk with their children. Sometimes fathers find that the answer is to live on a lower income and be around their families more. But the workplace has to change too - we have a right to a secure job, and be able to parent our children.
- START EARLY: Get involved in baby care - this is the key time for relationship building. Caring for a baby triggers your fathering hormones and changes your life priorities. Spend some time giving around-the-clock care to your baby and/or children, so you know you can do it all!
- BE WARMER. Hugging, holding, and spending gentle time together telling stories Replica Bedat & Co Watches or singing songs t
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