Yesterday I was going to a cake shop and eat shaved ice. But I changed the plan and concentrated on study. At the moment, the words that came to my mind was "hatred for desire". (Actually, I don't like using such a negative word, but it's necessary) I am apt to dislike human desire, especially whose purpose is just consumption. I don't like buying something meaningless like a donut I'm not sure of when and how I eat. I also dislike time consumption. At recess at the school, I often search something to do, and usually it's studying. I'm not a type of person who is fond of chatting with other people. It seems just waste of time for me. Hence, when a girl came to me with a piece of snack one week ago, I was so surprised that I couldn't asnwer her properly. I guess the cause of this behavior is that I was acting suspiciously. This behavior came from an anxiety for missing a meeting for students government. I was wondering whether there was a notification in a short morning homeroom that students goverment have a meeting for the second semester. So I was looking the behavior of other students in student government. But in fact, I think it was my imagination. Each of the students acted differently. So I thought I indebted to her for this favor. I have to pay back something to her. However, I'm not sure that this way of thinking is appropriate. Is it right to think the snack as a debt in such a case related to friendship? I don't know about today's relationship. I have build such a connection only when I have to do it like extracurricular activities. I haven't made any relationship without any intention. I have also put my study or extracurricular activities before the relationship. But I don't think all the relationship that aims to the connection is useless. It can be help when one fail to a severe situation. I know human connection is crucial for well-being. I'm not sure that it is proper to think I have no time to build such a relationship or it is inevitable to throw either of relationship or intelligence because there are lots of students who can develop their academic ability by working with their friends. I want to celebrate their lack of meeting such a wonderful student.
In these thinking, I began to wonder my future life. I said that I will keep my insanity for that guy. Thinking with this fact and that fact, it may be a case that I will live only in my mind. My body is just a machine to make a brain work effectively. So what? Why I'm thinking such a thing from thinking about waste of money or time?
Only this time did I found the meaning to refer to ancient philosophers.
Today's song:(4) White Happy // Eng Cover 👑【Anthong】 ホワイトハッピー - YouTube
See you and have a nice Sunday!